5 Things I wish I knew about Domestic Violence

Knowledge is power. Arming yourself with understanding and resources can help you or someone you love survive domestic violence. Here’s five things I wish I knew…

1. Domestic Violence isn’t just fearing for your life.

I used to think it wasn’t abuse unless it was severe enough to require an extended hospital stay to recover. I wish I’d known domestic violence was so much more than physical.

Domestic violence takes many forms and can be hard to identify, even when you’re the one experiencing it.

Abuse works in a cycle that escalates over time, in the beginning it can be so subtle that it often goes unnoticed this coupled with ‘love bombing’ convinces victims to stay.

Domestic Violence is a shapeshifter that can be emotional, verbal, social, spiritual, financial, sexual, physical or a combination.

The damage done by Domestic Violence can effect victims long after the abuse has stopped.

Degradation through: Gaslighting & Isolation. Abuse affects your mental health and prolonged exposure can cause permanent brain damage.

2. You need to have evidence.

The Police require hard evidence to act. When you first attempt to disclose abuse you expect the police to jump up and race off to gather evidence like in the movies. But that’s not real, they have a burden of proof.

It can be extremely unnerving to have your disclosure met with endless questions, raised eyebrows and whispers.

Police don't want to make you feel uncomfortable and they do believe you but they can't simply take someone's word that a incident has occured.

So how do you prove it? Report acts of abuse, Journal, photograph, video, app entries, statutory declarations from witnesses, texts, emails, instant messages, medical, dental, veterinary records or a combination.

It's important to always prioritise safety when collecting evidence.

3. You don’t need money, work or a place to go.

I wish I knew that there is funding, crisis assistance and more to help victims escape abuse.

Despite what abusers tell victims people do care and will actively help them if they reach out for help

There are resources available to help with safety planning, mental health, shelter, food, financial crisis, identity theft, legal advice and more.

There is a safe way to leave an abuser. Help to get back on your feet and supportive people to help you along the road to recovery.

Safe accomodation can mean everything in a domestic violence situation.

4. You don’t have to leave your pets.

An Australian study found that approximately 53% of women in domestic violence situations had left only to find out their abusers had harmed or killed their pets.

The study also estimates 33% of pet owners experiencing violence (now safe) delayed leaving because they were scared for their pet’s.

In light of those statistics, RSPCA developed Pets in Crisis, new programs designed to allow victims to escape with their pets.

Sometimes pets are a victims only support system

5. You don’t have to do it alone.

longterm isolation made me feel alone, talking to family or friends out of the question.

I found that helplines, online communities, survivor forums and stories were invaluable.

TikTok, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, TED talks search ‘Dv survivor’ or ‘Domestic Violence Survivor’ on any platform, you’ll be overwhelmed by the results.

Millions of men and women around the world experience domestic violence. Although horrific, it is reassuring evidence that you’re not alone and recovery is possible.

Conclusion

Recovery isn’t a straight line, I am still healing and learning to live again. I hope by sharing my experiences and knowledge I can help others to face their fears and find support.

Empowering victims by linking them to resources, information, support, services and survivors.

What do you wish you knew about domestic violence and what resources do you know of to help victims?