5 signs you're in a bad relationship

2020 has been a difficult year for many, many people. Jobs were lost, finances were severed, lives were taken... it has been a very traumatic year. One thing I have noticed is the toll it has taken on our relationships. From my observations, I managed to note a few changes that occurred in really strong relationships. Since Covid, I have seen how these relationships have been slowly breaking down. Here are some key signs to look out for:

1. Ownership - your partner will never take ownership when things go wrong. 'No, I always do things right, must've been you...' or 'I would never do something like that, must've been you...' We throw each other under the bus to hide what we lack. Being upfront and honest about things seems to be too hard to deal with and easier to hide.

2. Negative feedback - snide, snarky comments your partner makes towards you that you never ask for. 'Why are you wearing that top? you're too old to wear that... ' or 'You paid to get your hair done? it looks the same to me...' are typical cases of unwarranted feedback. It's a cheap shot at you to make them feel superior. I've heard it said before that, alot of social media trolls are pretty much people who lack confidence in themselves and their own self image that they tend to lash out at others to make themselves feel better.

3. Envy - 'Why are you learning that skill and not teaching me so I can do that too!' You spend hours and days learning a skill to start a side hustle or get better at your craft, your partner doesn't see it that way and thinks you are trying to 'be better' than them. So you have to stop and wait for them to catch up or you hold back on being successful to not outshine them. You find yourself stuck in the same spot for years because of this.

4. Memory loss - you have scheduled in time to be out with friends/co-workers and advised your partner verbally and via message the details of that event a week before. On the night, your partner suddenly forgets that you were going out and is annoyed at you for not reminding them often during the week. This is the control freak side - needing to know everything all the time, but not willing to make an effort to meet you half way.

5. One man band - you constantly find yourself organising date nights, scheduling the cars in to be serviced, arranging deliveries, co-ordinating school pickups and drop-offs, weekly phone calls to family members, sorting groceries, cancelling memberships... the list goes on. You have this all on your shoulders and if one thing is missed, the whole world comes crashing down. This is multi tasking at it's best under pressure. You should never feel pressure having to hold your relationship together - ever. I myself feel this at times and if left for too long can take a toll on your health and wellbeing.

Only you will know if these signs relate to you or your relationship. You may be struggling to understand why these have happened or even when they started, my friends/colleagues didn't realise what was going on until they started talking about them to close friends/family. It is always important to put yourself first. How you feel, your values, your emotions and especially your mental health. Covid has wreaked havoc on us all, let's be gentle on ourselves, reach out, take deep breaths and remember to take things - one day at a time.