3 Reasons Why Empaths Think They Are Destined To Be Lonely

“Everything I experience hits me deep, raw and intense. As an empath I feel the energy of myself and others” — Sylvester McNutt III

Are you wary of getting close to someone because of the fear of sensory overload?

Sometimes empaths choose to remain alone than entangle themselves in a relationship where they can become mentally and emotionally exhausted.

It was only with the discovery that I am an emotional empath (someone who picks up the emotions of others) was I able to understand the reason why I kept getting overwhelmed and distressed by the emotions of other people.

My internal radar for picking up on their feelings just wouldn’t switch off! To make matters worse, I would feel guilty whenever I was unable to be of help in alleviating their pain.

“When I’m in love, I love so deep and when I’m hurt, it destroys my heart. I find it difficult to trust again.”

I have always struggled with setting boundaries in relationships. Perhaps it is because I feel the need to protect my partner’s emotions even if it is at the cost of mine.

Lack of clear boundaries is perhaps the single most prevalent reason for why an empath finds themselves in a relationship that is skewed in favor of one partner (who is seldom the empath).

The empath’s giving nature compels them to set aside their priorities and needs in order to cater to their partner’s needs. Also, their tendency to avoid conflict and the negative feelings invoked by a confrontation makes them suppress their objections instead of voicing them.

Oftentimes this becomes a habit. It can later manifest as headaches, difficulty sleeping and other physical ailments for the empath. For me, my inability to cope manifested as depression.

The empath’s partner is sometimes blind to what’s happening. If the partner is a narcissist, they feed off this giving nature leaving the empath completely drained.

Why relationships are hard for empaths:

1.Their need for space and alone time: For me, going to something innocuous as a party can leave me feeling so emotionally drained that it takes several hours to recuperate and recharge.

Earlier, I did not understand why I kept feeling frazzled. Since my partner and friends understood it less, it was very easy to be judged as snobbish and anti-socializing.

According to an article published in Promises Behavioral Health, being an empath is sometimes misdiagnosed as social anxiety. Dr. Judy Orloff further elaborates on this : “There are empaths with social anxiety but social anxiety is more a result than a cause of symptoms. In empaths, the brain’s mirror neuron system — a specialized group of cells that are responsible for compassion — are hyperactive.”

When I’m unable to have some alone time to be able to self soothe and regain my emotional equilibrium, I get super stressed and irritable. This can have a negative impact on a relationship especially when the partner is unaware of what is really going on.

Being single and unattached gives an empath the space and as much alone time they need to maintain emotional equilibrium without feeling judged.

2. An empath’s tendency to unconsciously take on their partner’s emotions and prioritizing the partner’s needs over their own: Love for their partner can make an empath take on the partner’s emotions without even noticing that they are doing so.

The feelings of an empath tend to take a backseat especially when they have an emotionally demanding partner which again can result in serious emotional consequences over time for the empath.

“Don’t set yourself on fire to keep other people warm” Penny Reid

A bad experience like this can make an empath chose being single as opposed to feeling used to satisfy someone else’s emotional needs.

3. The empath’s partner has a hard time understanding: I have found the hard way that it is very difficult for a non empath to understand what an empath is and what we typically have to go through on a daily basis. I have been called mentally weak and advised multiple times to grow a thicker skin.

Empaths are not mentally weak. The opposite is perhaps true considering the depth of pain we are able to perceive. It is not our pain but feels that way by its intensity. One needs a tremendous amount of mental strength indeed to be able handle all of that without falling to pieces.

Finding a partner who complements an empath’s sensitive nature is hard. After trying and facing repeated disappointments, some empaths may give up on looking for a partner.

“If I chose you, it won’t be because you look “good” to me physically. It will be because you “feel” good to me spiritually” — Vin

Empaths need not think that they are destined to be alone. What I’ve discovered is that it is a choice as in any. By incorporating strategies to protect themselves from being overwhelmed by other people’s energies and setting clear boundaries, they too can experience fulfilling relationships.

Originally published on Medium