13 Signs That You Are a Perfectionist

The society we live in acclaims perfectionists for their high standards and their drive to achieve them every time. They are usually successful people, but the price they pay in exchange for success can be unhappy.

Searching without interruption for excellence in everything we do can affect our health and life. American psychologist David Burns noted that perfectionists are more prone to malaise and misunderstandings in relationships.

The following 13 indicators will help us to know if and how perfectionists we are and how this affects us.

1. You want to impress all the time.

Perfectionism is formed from childhood. At an early age, parents and teachers encourage children to look for performance and make them want to be the best, specifically rewarding or punishing them. Perfectionists learn early on to be guided by the motto "I realize, so I exist!" and nothing delights them more than to impress others with their performances.

Unfortunately, pursuing only ten in life can lead to frustration, stress, and a lack of self-confidence.

These are the two cornerstones of perfectionism, "said psychologist Monica Ramirez Basco, author of a book on the subject (" Never Good Enough: Freeing Yourself from the Chains of Perfectionism ").

2. You feel that your race to perfection is exhausting, but you consider that this is the price you have to pay for success.

The perfectionist chooses difficult (and often unhealthy) ways to avoid mediocrity because he knows that without pain there is no gain. Being a perfectionist does not necessarily mean pursuing performance, it can only mean being addicted to work.

3. Postpone the tasks.

The great irony of perfectionism is that what defines it, the intense urge to succeed can be a hindrance to success. Perfectionism can be correlated with the fear of failure procrastination, excessive postponement of actions, which works self-destructively.

Specialized research indicates several types of perfectionists, and to those who direct their perfectionist obsessions on others, imposing unattainable standards, the postponement comes from anticipating the situation in which they could be disapproved by others.

4. You criticize a lot.

Judging others is a common defense mechanism: we criticize other people for what we cannot accept in ourselves, and for perfectionists, there are many unacceptable things. Being less harsh with others can help us be more tolerant of ourselves.

"Therefore, O man, whoever you are, the one who judges, you have no word of defense: because in what you judge another, you condemn yourself, because you, the judge, do the same things. . " (St. Paul the Apostle)

5. If you're still doing something, you want to do it as well as you can.

Many perfectionists think in black and white, of successes and failures. A person with perfectionist tendencies throws himself into a project only if he knows that there is a good chance of success or if there is at least no risk of failure.

Convinced perfectionists avoid risks, which inhibits their creativity. "All or nothing," they say. When the perfectionist proposes something, nothing can stop him on his way to that goal. But stress increases the risk of eating disorders.

6. You find it difficult to open up to others.

Researcher Brené Brown calls perfectionism a "twenty-ton shield." Such a shield isolates us more than it protects us from others. Because of the fear of failure and rejection, perfectionists find it difficult to expose themselves or make themselves vulnerable, says psychologist Shauna Springer: "It is very difficult for a perfectionist to share details of his private life.

Perfectionists feel the need to control their emotions, so they will probably avoid talking about personal fears, imperfections, insecurities, and disappointments, even with those closest to them.

7. Whatever happened, there is no point in complaining. And you still do.

Whether it's a burning cookie or a five-minute delay in a meeting, perfectionists tend to turn the mosquito into a stallion. This adds to a lot of other existential crises, nervous breakdowns, and outbursts of anger.

When we are concerned with failures and how to avoid them, even the slightest deviation becomes an argument for the great debate of personal failures. "In the absence of a deeper source of self-esteem, failures hit perfectionists hard and can lead to long periods of isolation and depression," says Shauna Springer.

8. You tend to take everything very personally.

Because they take criticism very personally, perfectionists have little resistance to what they call failures. The challenges, the mistakes do not shake them, they crush them because at every wrong step their deepest fear is confirmed, that of not being good enough, to be prepared enough.

9. Any criticism, no matter how small, arouses in you a defensive reaction.

You immediately recognize a perfectionist in a conversation, after how quickly he jumps to defend himself at the slightest sign of criticism. To keep their self-image intact, perfectionists try to take control and defend themselves against any threat, even in situations where this is not the case.

10. You feel like you have a lot of work to do to get there.

Perfectionists always have the feeling that they have not yet reached where they want to be and that they still have a lot of work to do until they get there. Achieving perfection is, of course, an unrealistic, impossible goal, but this pursuit gives energy to the perfectionist.

11. You find it comforting to see someone else's failure, even if it has nothing to do with you.

Because perfectionists consume a lot of time and energy to prevent their failures, they may find relief and some pleasure in the problems of others. For a very short time, this helps them feel better in their skin, but in the long run, it strengthens the critical and competitive way they look at others.

12. Sometimes you miss school.

While some despised the school, perfectionists loved it because it was a quantifiable success, with missions, homework, grades, and teachers whose role was to provide positive feedback. It is possible that the perfectionist was seen as the student with the highest chances of success in life.

The structure of the education system, the simplicity of the equation "work hard, do your job well and you will be rewarded", was a comfort for most perfectionists. In everyday life, success is measured differently. Everything is structured differently.

And even if I may not confess it, in each of them there is a particle that longs for the world in which a grade often made the day beautiful.

13. You have a lot on your mind.

Perfectionism generally has social roots, and pressures have external rather than internal sources. The pressure to succeed can have side effects such as depression, anxiety, shame, and guilt.

The remedy proposed by the psychologist Brené Brown is authenticity, letting others see you exactly as you are, giving up the shield of perfectionism to express your vulnerability.

"Taking on one's own story can be difficult, but it's not nearly as difficult as wasting one's whole life to escape it. Accepting our vulnerabilities is risky, but not nearly as dangerous as giving up love, belonging, and joy - experiences that make us more vulnerable.

Only people brave enough to explore the dark side can discover the infinite power of their inner light. " (Brené Brown, "The Gifts of Imperfection")