13 Signs She's Using You

You like her. You might even love her. But that doesn't mean she feels the same. Even the most confident person can overlook obvious signs she's using you.

13 Signs She's Using You

Society has a major problem, specifically, users. People tend to use people like stepping stones; and the worst thing about this is how common it is in the dating scene. We've all heard of men using women for sex, and women using men for money, status, and connections.

If you're a guy, you're probably terrified of the possibility of being used. Speaking as someone who's been there, here are the signs she's using you that you need to be aware of.

She's very invested in your career, and not because your job makes you happy.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with having a girl who wants to support you chasing your dreams. However, there is reason to believe she's using you if she constantly name-drops your position or has a lot of questions about how much you earn.

Users tend to gravitate towards guys who they believe have resources they want. They also tend to focus on those things, too. Needless to say, a good sign you're being used is constantly being asked about money or status-related topics.

She makes demands when it comes to gifts, vacations, etc.

Most girls do want to have gifts and vacations. This is normal. What isn't normal is when you have a girlfriend who demands a $2,000 purse, or dangles sex as a reward for buying her expensive items.

Oftentimes, girls who do this will not give you the time of day unless it's on your bankroll. At this point, you're basically exchanging sex for gifts, and that's a sign she's using you for a lifestyle she can't afford on her own.

You're getting the feeling that the relationship is lopsided, and that she basically holds all the cards.

Do you feel like you're doing all the work? Do your gestures seem appreciated, but never really returned? If you were to just stop paying for everything, are you certain she'd pick up the slack? If these questions make you uneasy, it's likely that you have a very uneven relationship dynamic.

While this isn't always a sign she's using you, it is a sign that something is very wrong. Ask yourself if you're feeling overburdened and under appreciated. If it's an uneven partnership, it's likely she's a user.

You honestly don't feel like she's into you.

Unless you have serious trauma dealing with relationships or self-esteem, your gut is right, more often than not. She's using you if she's not really into you.

She dangles "carrots" that can only be given if you do something she wants you to do.

Does she insinuate that she'll only sleep with you if certain conditions are met? This is called the "carrot maneuver," and it's something that turns relationships into nightmares.

Simply put, this kind of manipulative maneuver coerces you into doing things you're not comfortable with to make your needs met. The problem with this is that this tactic often involves moving goalposts. Which means that doing whatever she demands might not actually result in what you want to happen.

More often than not, the "carrot" is commitment, affection, or sex. If you find yourself giving way more than you should for any of these three things, you're being manipulated and used.

Friends and family have warned you about her...or she's tried to keep them away from you.

In most cases, it's your entourage who will be the first to notice that she's using you. Good friends and family members will often voice concerns, or tell you to be careful around them.

Users, on the other hand, will isolate you from your loved ones -- much like an abuser would. This is because they want you to feel dependent on their love and attention, and because being alone makes you easier to manipulate.

When you voice your needs, she makes you feel like a bad person for it.

A lot of users, particularly after they get access to what they want, try to avoid doing anything they don't want to do. If your needs are not being met because of that avoidance, users will often turn your own needs against you.

So, if you haven't had sex in a year, she may say, "It's always about sex with you," or "Stop being perverted." If you're low on money, she may say, "Why can't you provide for me?"

Once in a while, she'll say something that scares you or just doesn't seem right.

It's very, very hard to keep up an act if you're using someone. Users often will have cracks start to show within 3 months or so during a relationship. Some may take as long as a year to show.

A good rule of thumb is that you should believe someone when they show you who they are. If she says something sociopathic, believe that it's the real her.

You're the absorbent shoulder, but it's never reciprocated.

Users don't always have to be romantic or sexual in nature. A lot of people just need others to dump their anger on. If you find yourself constantly being her shoulder to cry on, it could be that you're being used as a free therapist. This is fine if you're okay with it, but if it's not reciprocated or not what you want, you're being used.

She keeps you away from her friends and family, too.

When women are interested in a guy, they want to flaunt them. If she's not flaunting you, it's often a sign she's just using you for one thing or another. The longer you're with her, the more likely this is to be true.

Excuses randomly pop up the moment you can't give her what you want.

When your car died, she magically had to get a root canal. When you were short on cash, she disappeared until pay day. Sound familiar? Yeah, it's cause she's using you. Don't be foolish.

It's all about what she wants to do, never what you want.

Last weekend, you took her shopping and sent her to the spa. The weekend before that, you took her to her favorite restaurant and shopping again. If this sounds like your love life, it's likely that she's using you as a way to cut her "fun time" bills down to zero.

A healthy relationship will be fun for both of you. If this isn't true on your end, you need to rethink things.

Lastly, you should assume she's using you if she's only into you during certain times of the day.

Before 5? Might be into you as a way to avoid having to do work. After 10? Booty call. Make no mistake about it, if you have a special "shift," she's using you for one thing or another. The question is, why would you put up with that?

Ossiana M. Tepfenhart
Ossiana M. Tepfenhart
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Ossiana M. Tepfenhart

Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer based out of NJ.

See all posts by Ossiana M. Tepfenhart