11 Reasons Why I Would Divorce

Often times, you will hear people say "you don't know until you yourself are married or have a child." To that my answer is, yes but also no. I don't need to be married or have children to know these are what my boundaries are. Now of course things could change, my perspective may very well change. Having said that, just as these boundaries may very well not exist once I'm married, there might be new boundaries that come along after I am married. The point being, here are some of the reasons why I would divorce a person if I were married (as the person I am right now).

This idea came along because of a married friend asking me for my expert advice about marriages (when your girl has never been married herself). All the seriousness of our conversations aside, I just found it very fuuny. So here's my list!

1. Criminal History

Dude, if I find out he's a felon who's been to prison for murder, rape, and child molestation. I'm out. I can't deal with something like this. I'd be way too paranoid. Am I next?

2. Physical Abuse

Lot of this unfortunately comes to play after the wedding. You know like Jekyll and Hyde. You meet person A before marriage and person B comes out to play after the honeymoon.

3. Corporal Punishment

Again, you think this is something you won't do. But until you have kids, I think most people really don't know. Being a teacher has taught me that working with children tests your pateince to the max. And this is coming from a very laidback and chill person (who enjoys working with kids).At least outside of my personal relationships. Point being, if your patience is broken you might feel the urge 'discipline' your child physically. Regardless, you touch my (hypothetical) child, we are done.

4. Emotional Abuse

I have zero, zero tolerance for bs. My parents say I was born with a prosecutor's soul. If you say anything nasty to me, I'll debate the validity of that claim until you give up. Try me, I dare you.

5. Cheating

In my subjective opinion, cheating is both physical abuse (I didn't agree to a second-hand thressome and the potential for a STD) and emotional abuse (heartbreak). Yeah, no.

6. Control Freak

If you're installing a camera in my car to monitor where I am at. Boy you crazy, bye bye.

7. Dishonesty

You got hitched to me claiming it was your first marriage, but it was not. You got hitched to me saying you're Mr. Bruce but in reality your Mr. Joker. You got hitched to me saying you're debt free, but you actually have a massive debt. I could go on, but you probably get my drift. If he could lie about one major thing, how many other skeletons is he hiding?

8. Family Interference

In my opinion, a marriage is literally between two people. If you subscribe into the notion of when two people get married, two families get married, that's well and good. It's not my cup of tea.

9. Change in Lifestyle

You get enlightened and you want to walk the path of god. Good for you. I hope you find your light. I've already found mine, so we may have to split at the intersection. Lol, if I married an athiest and he flips the script and expects me to do the same. Yeah unfortunately, I can't.

10. Incompatability

Sad, but it happens. People change, personalities change. Values come and go. I do think people should try marriage counselling before they say all quits. I hope we at least part as friends.

11. Loss of Attraction

Same point as number 10.

Adios Amigos!

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