10 Signs You're Smothering Your Partner

Have you ever seen a coworker or a friend who had the "urge to merge?" This is the phrase that I've heard used for people who tend to get joined at the hip with their significant others. Though they may look blissful together, you shouldn't be too shocked when they inevitably break up.

The urge to constantly be around your partner feels natural, but that doesn't make it healthy. In fact, it's a really easy way to kill a relationship. A healthy relationship means that you both have the space you need to grow together.

The funny thing about smothering is that we often don't realize what we're doing until it's too late. It took me a long time to realize that I was often smothering my relationships to death.

I didn't realize what I was doing until I had a partner that was smothering me. Then, it all dawned on me. I was clinging to my partners for dear life, thinking it would make things better. Rather, it only made them feel suffocated and grossed out.

If you have been having relationship troubles that keep repeating themselves with different partners, you might need to check to see if you're not the cause of it. This is especially true when you might be getting too clingy.

Worried about your partner being distant? There may be a reason for it that you can control. You can start by checking to see if your relationship is showing signs that you're smothering your partner.

Your partner has told you that they need space, but you wouldn't listen.

Has your partner flat-out told you that they need space, or that you need to have hobbies that don't have to do with them? Rather than give them space, do you get offended and pout?

If so, then you're smothering your partner to the point that they may actually be on the verge of leaving you.

Most people, especially men, do not want to have to have tough relationship talks with their significant other unless it's become a very serious problem. If they are actually opening up their mouth, it's bad.

If your partner asks for space, give them space. Let them come around when they feel like it, or, if you feel like your needs aren't being met, find someone who can meet those needs for you.

You need to talk to them every day, every hour that they are not around you.

Constantly needing to be in contact and freaking out when your partner doesn't respond once in a while is not healthy. Even if you're close, this isn't a good sign.

Your partner needs time to themselves where they aren't expected to call you back within five minutes. They need time to work, eat, sleep, and yes, hang out with other people. Otherwise, you're smothering your partner to the point that they no longer will have a life outside of you.

This level of clinginess is not normal and is often sparked by anxiety that a person may leave. If this sounds like you, take a deep breath. Put down the phone. Then, go out to the gym for an hour. Give them space, and you may be able to save your relationship.

You know you have a jealousy issue, even with his friends.

Do you insist on knowing all his female friends, and insist on always being present when he's around them? Though a lot of people still wonder whether men and women can be friends, I can assure you—it is possible.

The thing about jealousy that most people don't like to admit is that it's natural. It's exceedingly uncommon to find people who don't get jealous in one way or another.

However, that doesn't mean it's good for you. A lot of people who are extremely jealous partners get that way because they don't feel secure in their relationship or have underlying self-esteem issues to make them act that way.

When you get very jealous and try to "wedge" yourself between your partner and their friends, you're going to end up smothering the relationship to death.

At the very least, his friends will hate you and will end up warning your SO that you're smothering your partner as a way to keep them. At most, you'll realize that no amount of monopoly over your partner's time will make you feel good enough...and that insecurity will end up eating you alive.

Should this be the case, it might be a good idea to talk to a professional about the jealousy issues you're having. You might find you're justified if it's just one friend, or you may find that you need help to gain trust in yourself. Either way, it'll help your relationship.

If you were honest, you feel a need to control his life.

The need for controlling a partner in a relationship doesn't come from a place of love; it comes from a place of anxiety. It's a sign that you're anxious that your partner will leave, cheat, or otherwise hurt you.

The way that need starts to first manifest itself is, you guessed it, by smothering him and driving away anyone who you deem a threat. The funny thing about this is that controlling them tend to lead to a self-fulfilling prophecy.

So, give them space and stop trying to control them.

When your partner wants space, you try to guilt trip them out of it.

Woah! Hold up! Red alert!

This isn't just a sign that you're smothering your partner; it's a sign that your healthy relationship is starting to turn toxic. At this point, your partner has clearly delineated a boundary and you're manipulating them so that you can overcome it.

If you have to resort to manipulation to get your way, you need to look at your situation in a different light. At this point, you are actively hurting your partner, and there's a good chance that your partner's actions may have caused you to behave that way.

For your own sake, it's a good idea to take a step back and look at the situation objectively. Are your needs being met? Do you feel alone in your relationship? If you don't feel like your partner cares, it may be time to look for someone new.

If you were honest with yourself, you really don't have a life outside of him.

When I was going through a seriously rough time, most of my friends abandoned me and I was too sick to go out to party. I ended up resorting to drinking my cares away, stress-eating, watching TV, and hanging out with my significant other.

When he wasn't around, I'd begin to panic. I wouldn't have anything to do or anyone to talk to. This led to me being clingy, which in turn, caused me to ruin my own relationship. Looking back, I can't blame him for leaving.

I cannot emphasize how important it is to continue living a life outside your relationship when you're in one. You should always show that you have a life outside of love.

Expecting your partner to be your everything only puts a lot of pressure on them and ends up making you feel a bit crazy. It's not a good look, and if you're not contributing anything, you're smothering your partner through expectations.

He's starting to ignore your calls and texts.

Oof, this is never a good sign.

In many cases, this is a sign that your partner may be busy and will get back to you later. If you're a relatively new couple, it also could be a sign that your potential partner is about to ghost you.

If you've been with your partner for a long time, this often surfaces as a sign of being smothered. Think about it. When a person feels smothered, the last thing they want to do is hear from the person that's clinging to them.

Regardless of what stage your relationship is at, this sign suggests that you need to give your partner some time to decide what he wants to do. Trying to chase after them will only backfire, so as much as it hurts, try to fill your schedule with other things.

Your partner seems to be increasingly irritable around you.

Have you ever had to babysit a needy toddler who wouldn't give you two seconds of silence? Annoying, right? Well, if you're smothering your partner, it's not much different.

People who feel smothered don't want to be around the person they are smothered by, and as a result, aren't happy when they're near. If they have gotten very irritable around you, it may be time to have a heart-to-heart talk with them.

Ask them, plainly and simply, if they need some space or if you've been smothering them. If you have been, take a break for a while and stop reaching out. It might be the only way to save your relationship.

It often feels like you need to interrogate him or social media stalk him.

A common yet overlooked sign you're smothering your partner is how much you need to know about him. Do you need to know every little detail of where he's been, who he's with, or what he's up to?

Do you get anxious or angry if you don't know all the details? Chances are, if you're doing this stuff, you already know you're smothering him. He's also probably feeling pretty suffocated by now, too.

You get the feeling that he's purposefully distancing himself from you.

This is one of the biggest warning signs on this list and typically precedes a breakup. However, it also could be an early warning sign that you're smothering your partner.

The worst part about this sign is that it tends to light up every single anxiety beacon in our brains, and that we often will start feeling affection-starved as a result of their behavior. It sucks, right?

Bad as it is, you now have your work cut out for you. The best chance you have at turning your relationship around is to tell your partner that you're going to give him space—and actually give it to him. With hope, he'll come around again.