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10 Signs He's Taking You for Granted

by Ossiana M. Tepfenhart 5 years ago in advice
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No, really, if he's doing these things, he thinks you're an idiot and will tolerate anything as long as he apologizes.

One of the greatest truths I've ever heard, at least when it comes to dating, is that you will always get what you accept. If you accept a guy who treats you like dirt, that's what you will most likely end up dating. If you refuse to accept bad behavior from the men you date and walk away after you see him be a putz to you, then you will avoid a world of pain.

As much as I hate to say it, being forgiving, caring, and understanding are weaknesses in the dating scene. The reason why is because it's most often abusers who end up tugging on heartstrings to keep you around, and why a lot of people often end up realizing that their partners treated them so badly because they thought they'd never leave.

Believe it or not, guys know this—and if they're scummy, will often go for girls who are forgiving and kindhearted simply because they know they will be able to get away with a lot more. This leaves women feeling broken, used, and abused.

Thankfully, most guys who are this way tend to give off clues that they think you're a fool for being with them. This means you can figure out fairly easily whether or not it's time to cut ties with them. Here are the biggest ones to watch for...

You've repeatedly told him that he's upsetting you with his actions, but despite seeing his behavior hurt you, he does nothing to fix it.

Most people are very aware of it when their actions hurt someone—and why wouldn't they be? The vast majority of people can and will make it known when something displeases them.

The difference between someone who loves you the right way, and someone who's taking you for granted (or worse, knowingly hurting you) is that the person who cares about you will do something to correct their behavior so that it doesn't keep happening.

True caring doesn't lead to empty promises, or only changing when you're already out the door. It comes from realizing you should never be doing something you'll eventually need to apologize for in the first place.

He treats strangers better than he treats you.

This is a bad, bad sign—and often a sign that it's time to leave him. At this point, his actions are saying that strangers get more priority than you do. That means that he cares less about what you think or feel than what a total stranger feels.

If you ever reach this point, ask yourself if you want to be that low on the totem pole—and then act accordingly.

Any decision he makes is unilateral, and you're worried that if you speak up, he'll leave.

Do you feel like you have no say in what he does? Does it seem like you need to walk on eggshells around him, otherwise he'll leave? If this is the case, chances are high that he's either actively trying to hurt you or that he's taking you for granted.

The thing is, this isn't healthy for you. Yes, you may love him, but his actions are showing he doesn't love you. In fact, if you haven't spoken up because he keeps threatening to leave you, he doesn't even care about you.

So, let him leave.

You find yourself doing all, or almost all the work in the relationship.

You do the plans. You pay the bills. You clean the house. You initiate all affection. You, you, you.

Why?

Because he knows you'll do it all, and he takes you for granted enough to not bother trying to reciprocate anymore. At this point, he's showing you that he's totally comfortable being a leech—and that you should probably just drop him as dead weight.

A relationship is a partnership. If he isn't acting like your partner, then you're basically just fooling yourself into thinking you have a relationship, aren't you?

He's cheated on you.

Cheating, even once, constitutes as taking you for granted in my book. Statistically speaking, it's been proven that the "once a cheater, always a cheater" adage is true as long as he's with the same partner after he's been caught the first time around.

If you already took him back, you signaled to him that you'll keep taking him back. You gave him zero reason to respect you. So, dump the chump and find someone else who's loyal to you.

He stopped thanking you for work, or just waits around until you do it.

No, no, no! This is bad behavior—and a really quick way to build resentment in any relationship. If he's no longer showing thanks or appreciation for all that you're doing for him, there's a very good chance he's taking you for granted.

This kind of "work because you always worked" thinking is terrible for a relationship, and is an easy way to cause one partner to lose interest in the other. You need to talk to him, and fix that before it gets to be too big an issue to overcome.

He ghosts on you, shows up again, and expects you to be okay with it after a mumbled apology.

Via a really awesome HuffPo article

Ghosting is one of the ugliest behaviors in the dating scene, and the fact is that it's one that we allow too many people to get away with. A lot ghost who ghost also will "un-ghost" after the original girl they wanted to date dumps them or something else causes them to want you back.

Make no mistake about it, a guy who ghosted on you and then un-ghosts you has shown he doesn't respect you enough to be direct with you. That's as blunt a form as taking you (and your time) for granted as it can get.

It's one sob story after another.

This is a pretty common method people use to take advantage of others: the pity route. Does he always seem hard on his luck, or have an excuse why his life is shit? I'll tell you the real reason why he's always so unlucky, but it's not his "dog died" garbage. The truth is, he's the reason his life sucks and he's taking you for a ride.

Generally speaking, there are only two types of people who pull the "constant sob story" bit: users and abusers. Either type is not worthy of love, and frankly, probably shouldn't even be in your circle of friends.

He dangles a ring over you.

Does it seem like he regularly baits you with commitment or other rewards for putting his needs first and your needs last? It could be that he's using you and taking you for granted.

If you feel like you always have to jump through one more hoop to get what you want, or if you feel like your partner doesn't appreciate you, you're probably being taken advantage of.

A man who does this is most likely not looking to really marry you, and if he is, it's only on the condition that he has all the power in a relationship. Either way, it's not a healthy dynamic.

He's basically insinuated that you'd never leave, no matter what he does.

This is a sign that he not only takes you for granted, but that he really, truly, doesn't respect you. When a guy says this, it's past the point of no return and nothing you can say or do will ever fix things to the way you want with him.

If you stay with him, or go back to him, it'll be the same dynamic you once had. So, should he say this, it's time to cut ties with him.

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About the author

Ossiana M. Tepfenhart

Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer based out of NJ. You can message her via Twitter on @bluntandwitty or via Instagram on @ossiana.makes.content. She's always looking for freelance work and collabs!

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