06.02.20 13:09PM Berlin

February was a peculiar month, one that was very much divided. The first half was care-free and exciting. Fueled by ambition and a will to excel. For you see, I had moved to Berlin only two weeks prior. I was at the start of an adventure; one that would soar my career to heights I had never reached before. I was fresh out of university and had landed my first professional job as a singer on a cruise ship. I had 'made it'. It felt good. The job sat in my planner for 3 months and the time had finally arrived for me to start this adventure and move to Berlin for the 2-month rehearsal process.

My last trip to Berlin was a little bittersweet and so, determined I was to make this one, better.

The photo above was captured mid-way through a mini 'music theory' lesson with my musical leader, Ania Lenarcik. It was the first time I'd ever tried to play my harmony line on a piano. I come from a background where my musical ear, helps me to understand music, as opposed to my musical eye, which helps through sight-reading. For those of you that don't know what sight reading is, it is the practice of reading and performing a piece of a song, in music notation, that the performer has not seen or learned before.

Ania encouraged me to let go of all my pre-dispositions with music theory and to try to figure it out by myself. With the tips she had given me of course. She offered great insight and after not having a great history with this subject, it actually sunk in. It was a day of victory.

So why am I choosing this moment?

Well, I'm choosing it because it is the last moment where I felt self-reflective and I view it now as a reminder to always question one's vision for the world.

Lockdowns around the world didn't happen until at least March but at that point, my job was a risk. I had an abundance of international perfomers alongside me from all over the globe, Italian performers especially and so from mid-February, coronavirus was on the radar. It broke my heart hearing their stories and seeing their pain. In theatre there is a saying that "the show must go on" and for a long time, that's what we did, until we could do no more.

Before that, I was ignorant. A lot of the population were.

It was happening in China, which at that time, was so far away from me. I felt like I was safe, not invincible but safe, nonetheless. I was in Europe, we were fine. I ignored it and I went about my daily life. I could go to restaurants and museums, have dinners with friends or go to clubs. I could spend valentines day with my boyfriend and work without restrictions. I could enjoy the little things and completely take them for granted.

I was wrong. Clouded.

I was in my little bubble and that was ok until it popped. And then it hit me like it hit all us, one way or another. This is a global pandemic. In light of recent events, it also makes you realise that just because it doesn't happen to you personally, does NOT mean that it is not important.

For that reason it is not the place I want to go back to.

Instead, I hope for a world that moves forward and creates positive and impactful change. I don't know how I can do my bit yet but I'm learning and I'm educating myself so that I can converse and help make a change in the right way. That's where it all begins.

Have conversations even if they're uncomfortable. You have to!

So, I leave you with this - use this time to fully connect with yourself. Discover everything you love and everything you hate about yourself and all that comes between. Ask yourself questions and always have a voice. Stand up for inequality and injustice. Every single day. Broaden your horizon and EDUCATE yourself. Already, what came from this virus was racism towards China, and now we're at the beginning of a revolution in the USA. It needs to stop.

So yes, they were good times, but for who? We all have a part to play but please play the right part.