What I Can't Give Up

Friday, June 18, 2106

6:24 PM

I walked down the sidewalk with a half-smoked cigarette in my left hand. I could smell a smokey summer barbecue cooking nearby. How nice is that? To have family or friends come over and spend time together during summer... Oh, but does "summer" even exist anymore in this utopia-like Hell? The smell of cooked meat absorbed into my nostrils as I took a long drag out of my cigarette. I could hear laughs and loud voices. Truly, how nice is that? I fondly remember all the best things about being a human. FUCK. Something just hit me on the back of my head. I turned around and noticed a nice young lady in a yellow dress standing in front of me. Her red hair was wet from swimming and hung above her pale shoulders.

“Uh, oh my gosh! I’m sorry, my friends and I were just playing volleyball, we didn’t mean to hit you,” she said in an emotional voice, she sounded sorry.

I couldn’t help but stare at her dark brown eyes, her face, mostly her nose was covered in freckles, so human. I should tell her its ok and give her the ball back.

“No problem at all, here you go.”

I extended out my arm to hand her ball back, I was smiling. When was the last time I smiled?

“Thanks,” she said smiling back at me. “Do you live around here? I’ve never seen you before,” she said. “My name is Briana, I live right over here. We’re having a neighborhood bbq, did you want to come? You look lonely.”

She giggled a bit. I don’t live here but I sure am hungry, is it rude to impose?

“I’m visiting in town for the summer, my aunt lives over that way a few streets over, I was just taking a walk while smoking, bad habits, right?”

My entire sentence was a lie, I don’t have any family and I love smoking.

“Summer? I love when people call it that! How long ago was that we started calling it quarters? Seems so long ago, huh? What’s your name?” Briana asked me.

“Damian,” I said. My own name, no one has asked me my name in quite some time.

“Well, Damian, do you go to school? I’m studying at the uni here in town for anthropology,” she said, cooly.

“I already finished school a while ago, majoring in arts,” I said back, trying to match her cool demeanor.

“You’re an artist?” she asked, her face was all lit up, excited.

I took a step toward her, then to the curb as I started to sit down. I looked up at her, motioning her to come to sit down next to me, and she did. This human part of me lives on forever, no matter how evil and immortal... and immoral I grow, I still feel these human emotions, they cling onto me for dear life. Life... I flicked my cigarette butt over behind me. I kept staring at her, the desire to consume her and to love her was overwhelming, and I knew that nothing good would happen from me spending another moment with her.

“Briana! Did you find the-—oh!” Another girl came around the corner with a surprised look on her face. Hm, I’m almost positive race still exists, well it has to if I’m looking at a Latina-like girl. I stood up, dusting off my clothes.

“I should be going, nice to have met you, Briana, and friend. Enjoy your evening.” I started to turn and walk away.

“Wait! Damian! You don’t want to come eat with us?” I heard Briana say.

I stopped dead in my tracks. I felt a sensation go over me, a feeling of hunger and emptiness, my hand was on my stomach. When was the last time I ate anything? It’s been... so long.

“I’ll be in in a minute, Jesse,” Briana said.

“Can I at least have the ball?” her friend asked.

She tossed the volleyball to her and turned back towards me. “Did you wanna come join? We have lots of extra food! It’s no trouble at all...” Briana said, trailing off at the end.

“I’d really like to, but I really can’t stay long. I should get going. I’m sorry, Briana.” I felt the words go out my lips, they felt sincere. How sweet. And all at once it felt like autumn again, a cool breeze and the memories of wanting and needing come creeping up. Am I really going to hurt this girl?

“You know what Briana?” I asked her, turning around to face her.

“Yeah?” she asked playfully.

“I’ll take you up on your offer, I haven’t eaten,” I said, a wide smile emerging over my face. Here I go again... Oh, I’m crying, this old human body still holds the memories of whoever he was... I’m ready to eat again, everyone at this party will do just fine. And just like that, my physique changed into a true monster, with bones crunching and forming and my eyes changing to yellow. For the first time in a long time, I’m giving into my urges. It’ll be a bloodbath.