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No More

by Tiny Tales of Terror about a year ago in psychological
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A choice is made

She had never felt so free, so sure. From this great height, everything was clear. All she had to do was jump and everything would be better. No more arguing with everyone all the time. No more feeling like she was worthless. No more crying herself to sleep at night. No more feeling like there was nothing to do to solve the problems she had somehow caused. No more feeling exhausted all the time. No more anything. Nothing at all. That was exactly what she wanted: to feel absolutely nothing. No more anything at all. She wanted herself to be nothing that way should could not hurt anyone anymore.

But, did she really not want to hurt anyone anymore or did she want revenge on everyone? Not just the people who bullied her in high school or the people who ignored her and said she was just looking for attention. It would also be revenge on the voices in her head because she would be taking them with her when she went. Did she really want everything to end or did she simply want someone to miss her when she was gone. Did she want someone to want her the way she wanted someone? Would they regret the things they said both to her face and when they thought she wasn’t listening? Would they know she had even heard them?

Were they actually the ones saying those things she had heard or was it the voices again? Was she paranoid or was everyone she knew really that mean? Did they really love her or was she just too much for any one person to handle? Was she wanted or was she just too much to deal with? Did they really want her gone or did she just want to be gone? Did she even really want to be gone or did she think that was what everyone else secretly wanted from her? Did she really think everyone wanted her to die?

A voice rang through the mist and fog in her mind. She could not tell if it was real or imagined. The wind had picked up and it was difficult to tell. It did not matter to whom it belong, though, because it was telling her to step back from the ledge. It was a voice of reason from somewhere. It may have even been her own somewhere in there.

She stepped down, no longer looking forward to the sidewalk ten stories below her at street level. She began walking to the door that led back inside. It was propped open though she could not remember doing that. She was in a bit of a fog when she came up to the roof and supposed she was now, too, so it could have been her that had left the door open.

Or maybe it had been the person going down the stairs three stories below her. She could hear their footsteps. But, for all she knew it could have just been someone else trying to sneak out. That happened a lot here, especially in the middle of the night when the staff could be caught sleeping on shift. Being that everyone always got caught, she assumed she had been, too, even without a staff member pulling her back inside to safety.

She crept back down the stairs to the second floor which housed her room. She walked as quietly as she could down the massive, echoing hallway. She climbed in bed and told herself that she would give the medication two more weeks to see if it would work like the doctors had promised it would. She fell into a deep sleep.

When she awoke, she was once again the hospital scrubs they had provided her with on intake. She was no longer wearing the jeans and sweatshirt she had had on while standing on the roof the night before. She could not remember changing her clothes before getting in bed. Where had she gotten those anyway? They had taken all of her belongings when she had checked herself in the night before.

She checked through her belongings anyway, curious to see if those mysterious articles of clothing would be there. They were not and she was not surprised.

Was the entire night before nothing more than a dream?

psychological

About the author

Tiny Tales of Terror

Obsessed with writing. Trying to make it as a writer and accounting student, a mom, living on my own for the first time. Crazy on top of everything else. Thanks for reading!

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