I Was a Teenage Beehive

With a painful yelp, Thaddeus Hawthorne awoke from a heart-pounding nightmare.

Lying in the dark in the air-conditioned comfort of his bedroom, his ears rattled as he rubbed his eyes. The one thing he remembered from the bad dream was seeing a shapeshifting, tornado-like cloud that whirred only faintly when it looked like it should have been roaring.

He had a sore throat, an unpleasant surprise. It hurt when he swallowed.

Grabbing his iPhone Pro Max to check the time, he groaned, seeing it was 1:15 am. Tomorrow was Friday, a school day, the end of the first miserable week of the fall semester. He rolled over and scrunched up into the fetal position, determined to go back to sleep.

He had almost drifted off again when he heard the buzzing. At first, he thought it was the memory of the nightmare, or the onset of a new one. Then he realized the sound was not a product of his imagination. Throwing off his covers, Thaddeus sat up and turned on his bedside lamp.

He immediately spotted the culprit.

"How the hell did that get in here?"

The honeybee took a humming dive at him, swooping close to his face. As he scrambled out of bed, Thad stumbled and nearly fell. He dashed out of his room, quickly closing the door behind him.

Shaking his head, marveling at how terrible his luck was, Thaddeus headed downstairs to the kitchen to retrieve a broom. He paused at the refrigerator long enough to drink a couple of guzzles of cold milk (straight from the carton), in hopes of soothing his sore throat.

When he trudged back upstairs, Thaddeus ran into his mother in the hall. "What are you doing up?" she immediately wanted to know.

He told her, "There’s a bee in my room."

"A what?!" she whispered, frowning and shaking her head. This was her typical reaction to virtually everything he did: a frown and shake of her head. "It’s probably just a fly."

Of course, you don’t believe me, thought Thaddeus. You never believe me about anything. "Whatever," he said. He could smell the gin wafting from her pores, no surprise there. It sickened him.

Lucy Hawthorne pulled on the belt of her terrycloth robe and then tied her arms in a knot in front of her chest. "What are you doing with my broom?"

As Thaddeus often did when speaking to his mom, he adopted the attitude of someone addressing a simpleton. "Killing a bee."

His mother paused and he knew she was thinking, again, that it was not a bee; it was a fly; obviously he was mistaken; he was always wrong; always, always, always; but then the fire disappeared from her bloodshot gaze, and he realized she was both drunk and tired. Her whisper became a hiss, "Well, don’t wake your father!"

"God forbid." Thaddeus breezed past her and returned to his bedroom, closing his door behind him.

It irked him (always always annoyed him big time) that his door had no lock. His parents would not allow it.

The honeybee was circling around and around, bumping along the ceiling, with a drone that reminded Thaddeus of a model airplane.

Using the broom like a bat, he took aim and then swatted the yellow jacket, knocking it into the wall. It fell to the floor, but was still buzzing, still alive. Thad was barefoot, so stomping on it wasn’t an option. Spontaneously, he dropped the broom and he grabbed a fat (unread) Stephen King hardback off this desk. Dropping to his knees, he smashed the invader dead using The Shining.

The squished, dead thing stuck to his book caused Thad to initally grimace with disgust. .. but then he felt a strange rush of emotion. Seeing the spilled guts of the smashed creature made him sad.

Thaddeus grabbed some Kleenex from the box on his desk to wipe off the novel. It’s no wonder I had a nightmare about bees, considering how loud that damn thing was buzzing. I must have heard it in my sleep.

Slipping back in between his silk sheets, he turned off the light.

A few minutes later he heard his mother going back to her bedroom.

For someone who’s always worried about me making noise, you’re awfully loud yourself, Mom.

Thaddeus’s father was a workaholic.

Thaddeus’s mother was an alcoholic.

Thaddeus hated them both.

Bleakly, he thought, Of all the rooms in the house, the damn bee had to come in here and give me nightmares. It couldn’t go torment the ‘rents, no, no, no. It had to seek me out.

He had trouble falling back asleep. A LORDI song earwormed around and around on an endless loop inside his tired brain. When he finally did drift off, it was with a seventeen-year-old’s certainty that there was absolutely no justice in the world.

🎼🎵🎶 I'm just like a bee to the honey

Sweet like a treat, I'm addicted to you

Baby, like a bee to the honey

Gotta dip into your fruit jar 🎵🎶

🐝🐝***_____________________***🐝🐝

As usual, when Thaddeus got up the next morning, his father had already left for work and his mother was still in bed.

He had been wearing a pot-leaf earring lately, just to see if any adults would notice. None had. His lanky hair was long over his ears, though, so a person did need to look close to notice the rebellion he had affixed to the side of his head. Today, dressing in his standard long-sleeved cotton shirt and baggy black pants, he selected a different earring from his little collection of twenty-seven studs, deciding to wear his lightning bolt.

Remembering last night, he mused how lit it would be to buy a honeybee earring.

Skipping breakfast (as usual), Thad snagged his backpack, left the house, and cut across their manicured lawn to the curb out front to wait for the school bus. This first week back to school had been hell. Thaddeus loathed taking the bus. He despised his parents for not buying him a car.

Generally, he hitched a ride to school with his best (and only) friend, Terry Wheaton, but Terry was currently in Arizona. The Wheaton family was spending time with an ailing grandmother who was not expected to live.

Thaddeus depised the old woman on principle alone. He had no intention of getting old. Life, he believed, was entirely too depressing to continue for any longer than twenty-five years— thirty, max. He would never become a slave to his career like his father. He would never become a substance abuser like his mother.

As he stood by the curb anticipating the school bus, he really stood waiting for a tragic end to his pointless existence.

He would not have to wait long.

Furious at the world, Thad suddenly heard a buzzing sound.

He looked around, scanning the lawn for a bee, but he didn't see one. The only insect he spotted was a butterfly fluttering over someone's flowerbed of marigolds and delphiniums.

Great. He shook his head, yawning. I’m so tired, now I’m hearing things.

Finally, the school bus arrived and Thaddeus slouched aboard.

He had been the oldest student on the bus all week. It was humiliating. Even though Terry was his true-blue boo, right now he hated Terry with a white-hot passion. He could not logically explain exactly how Terry was to blame for Thad’s current trauma, but, somehow, this was Terry’s fault.

Thaddeus’s house was one of the first stops on this bus route, so there were only four other students already aboard. At the far back of the bus were Randy Lofton and one of his friends. Randy was a smart-ass sophomore. His big brother, Sean, was in Thaddeus ’s senior class.

On the right side of the bus were the Johnson sisters, Posy and Priscilla.

Thaddeus took the next-to-last seat on the left side.

The school bus hissed, lurched, and then dragged itself along, lowkey reminding Thaddeus of his weak ass life.

The girls were silent. Thaddeus could hear Randy talking to his friend Scotty Holmes, but their voices were subdued. Everyone seemed barely awake.

Tired, miserable, Thaddeus put his head against the window, closed his eyes, and dozed.

He was vaguely aware of the bus stopping time and again.

He was startled awake (and realized he fell asleep) when he heard Randy say in a loud voice, "No car, no friends, no clue. He’s such a loser."

"He does have that one wack friend, but that queer fucker is nowhere to be found. Obviously." Randy Lofton and Scotty Holmes had been joined by Micky Rutherford. Even though they were only sixteen, these three all considered themselves to be He-Man Macho Jocks, and they had the buff bodies to back up their belief. They were dumber than dogs, but they were as agile as orangutans.

Randy taunted, "They’re both such emos— he and that hairy freak he hangs with. They’re so damn ugly, the last time their mama dropped them off at school, she got a ticket for littering."

Micky offered his version of an Amen, "No cap!"

Scotty laughed hysterically.

Thaddeus knew he shouldn’t let them upset him, but it infuriated him, the way they wound each other up.

“It’s no wonder neither of them has a girlfriend,” said Randy.

“Right?” Micky grimaced, “Who’d ever even want to kiss them, let alone see them get naked?”

“Barf!”

Lofton seemed to have a whole routine written. “This one here,” Randy pointed at Thad, “he’s so ugly, Hello Kitty said goodbye to him.”

Even the Johnson sisters cracked up at that.

In an instant, Thaddeus went from annoyed to enraged. He had already been pissed off by his miserable circumstances—he’d rather eat his grandma’s nauseating oyster dressing than ride in this rachet bus— so it definitely didn’t take much to cause him to loose his shit.

His brains reverberating, without considering for an instant what he was doing, Thaddeus turned and spat at Randy Lofton.

Instead of spittle, what sprang from his mouth was a living, buzzing bumblebee.

Time slowed down, stretching an instant into an indelible moment.

A Freshman— Lisa Orebaugh— was looking right at Thad as the yellow jacket was launched. Her jaw fell so far open, Thaddeus could see her tonsils. Scotty Holmes was still chortling and made a choking sound when he saw the bee.

Randy did not have time to react until after he’d already been hit squarely in the face by the furious fuzz-ball.

"Ow!" Randy shrieked, taking a swing at the honeybee that had already flown out of his reach. "That HURT!" He let loose a string of profanities that attracted the attention of everyone on the bus, including the driver, who roared, "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON BACK THERE?"

Scotty was eyeballing Thaddeus like he was a monster. "Did you see that?" He turned to his friends. "Did you see that?"

Clearly, many other kids saw. Everyone’s eyes were certainly wide enough.

"EEEEK!" shrieked Posey and Priscilla as the bee swooped by them.

Thaddeus felt more protective of the insect than the girls.

Randy’s curses became more threatening. The only thing he said that was not vulgar was, "I don’t know how you did that, weirdo, but when I tell my brother—!"

"Yeah, yeah," said Thaddeus, getting up from his seat. "He’s going to kick my ass."

The bus driver was pulling over and that suited Thad. He just decided to skip school today.

Seeing the bee that he thought caused all the commotion, the salty driver pulled on the crank that opened the front door.

As the long yellow vehicle grinded to a stop, Thaddeus rushed forward, down the steps, and off the bus.

The driver shouted, "WHERE THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?"

Thad shouted back, "HOME!" He lied. Thad dashed off down the street in the opposite direction of his house.

The bumblebee followed the teenager.

🐝🐝***_____________________***🐝🐝

Thaddeus wandered aimlessly, cutting across peoples’ lawns, unconsciously avoiding alleys in favor of grassy areas. He was at war within himself. Part of him knew he just spat a bee at Randy Lofton. Another part of him insisted that was utterly impossible.

He stopped, laughed nervously, and then spat. He was relieved to see saliva fly from his mouth, even though there wasn’t much. His mouth was very dry.

Get a grip, Hawthorne! Of course, you didn’t spit up a bee!

He knew he did. His memory of that moment was crystal clear. A smile flashed momentarily on his face when he remembered Randy Lofton screaming in pain.

Thaddeus started walking again, trespassing through peoples’ yards. Lost in thought, he wasn’t even aware of the growing hum behind him.

Then, without warning, he heard it. Thaddeus stopped dead in his tracks and turned around.

The number of bees following him did not exactly constitute a swarm, but there were at least three or four dozen of the little buzzers swooping through the air. None of the bees were near the ground either, where he would expect them to be. They were all flying high.

Remembering his nightmare, Thaddeus couldn’t believe what he was seeing. He began to run, thinking immediately, They’re following me!

Panting already, he gasped, "That’s crazy!"

Crazy like the notion you spat a bee at Randy Lofton?

"Yeah," he said, wincing. "Crazy like that."

He ran faster.

He tired quickly.

He passed a house with two Pomeranians in a fenced-in yard. The little dogs barked furiously, running along the fence, chasing him. When their yapping finally faded behind him, Thaddeus realized he could not hear the buzzing anymore.

He stopped running and stood still for a moment, trying to catch his breath. Eventually, he looked back the way he just came.

The bevy of honeybees was upon him in an instant, dropping from the sky, the buzzing suddenly intense. This was not like before: a loose gathering of a few dozen workers. This was a true and honest swarm, thousands of insects all crowded together in a titanic swirl.

For the first and only time in his life, Thaddeus Hawthorne screamed.

The clatter of the swarm was terrifying, as loud as a chorus of chainsaws. Closing his eyes, he cringed, ducking, expecting terrible pain as they stung him… and yet/and then… it didn’t happen. He wasn’t hurt.

Surprised, Thad opened his eyes.

The bees zoomed circles around him, rising and falling, flying counterclockwise in a roiling eddy. He winced and ducked, and then slowly straightened up, thrilled and flabbergasted. He realized, They aren’t even touching me!

Thad laughed aloud.

He raised his open hands, extending them as far as he could, standing like Jesus Christ on a cross of bees. Now, in addition to his little friends flying in horizontal orbits around his body, others flitted in vertical circles around both his arms.

Thad laughed again.

He slowly lowered his outstretched hands. The bees attending his arms returned to circumnavigating his body.

Spontaneously, he told them to, "Shoo!"

The swarm evaporated. Thousands of bees ceased their synchronized flying and become individuals again, each peeling off in a different direction. It was like watching dark smoke being blown apart by a clean, strong wind.

Thaddeus slowly turned in a circle, watching the bees scatter. In a matter of seconds, the swarm was gone. The silence following the clamor was deafening.

He felt good. He felt happy (so weird!). He couldn't stop grinning.

He wondered what he should do. He couldn’t go home, not with his mother there. He decided to go to the park. He liked the idea of spending the day outside (and failed to recognize how out of character that was for him.)

As he cut across more lawns, he looked back and saw he had again established a following of plump female worker bees.

An eerie kind of tranquility slowed his frantic heartbeat, as an epiphany struck him like a bolt from the blue. He realized he knew things about bees he should not know, things he did not know before today. For instance, he knew there were three kinds of bees— workers, drones, and queens— and the bee he spat at Randy Lofton was a worker. Drones can’t sting; their only function is to mate with the queen. He also knew, There’s a single queen bee in every hive.

Most surprising, he somehow knew the worker bee that stung Randy should have done so at the expense of her own life. The typical honeybee’s stinger was barbed— a barb that caught like a hook when she stung something. And when the honeybee pulled away, she tore out her own abdomen, resulting in her own tragic death.

The bees that were following Thaddeus, however—they were different. They had evolved straight stingers, like wasps. These new, fatter, meaner yellow jackets could sting over and over, with no threat to their own existence.

Realizing the bee that needled Randy Lofton was still alive, Thaddeus had to smile.

When he arrived at Applewood Creek Park, he muttered, "I’m tired." He yawned. I could easily fall asleep.

He wandered deep into the park, going far beyond the swing sets and picnic tables. Near a path leading into a grove of trees, Thaddeus found a place in the shade, where the grass was especially thick.

He laid down on the warm Earth and immediately fell asleep, listening to the soothing murmurzzzzz of his gathering fam.

🐝🐝***_____________________***🐝🐝

When he awoke hours later, he was lying on his back in the grass and there was a bee crawling down his nose. His eyes were still closed but he knew it was not a fly or some other insect.

It was a bee.

Thaddeus tasted delicious sweetness on his lips.

There was a strange zipping sound as the bee flitted off his nose, the buzz disappearing as surely as if it were swallowed.

His fingers sticky, Thaddeus opened his eyes and sat up.

Now that he had slept, he felt entirely different about his situation. He realized, I’m not human anymore. As great as that revelation was, he had an even greater one: he realized he no longer wanted to be human.

A shifty grin spread across his face.

Thaddeus looked up at the sun and knew it was already late afternoon. I slept the whole day away! School is probably out by now.

He knew that after what happened on the bus this morning, everyone at school would be talking about him. He also knew Randy’s threat about involving his older brother was not an idle one. Randy would involve Sean.

Sean Lofton’s best friend was Jason Mercuriadis, a bully who had terrorized both Thad and Terry on several occasions. Thaddeus knew Sean and Jason would probably be trying to find him. Boldly, Thad decided to go looking for them and hiked off in the direction of the high school.

He trudged only a few blocks before the inevitable confrontation happened, giving everybody what they wanted. Like inescapable gravity, like cruel destiny, like the Universe Itself brought them careening together, they were doomed human asteroids on a mutually-destructive collision course.

Thaddeus heard the screech of tires as a car pulled up behind him, followed by slamming doors.

He stopped dead in his tracks, standing stock-still as the Enemy approached from behind.

"What did you do to my brother, douche bag?" Sean Lofton sounded furious.

Intentionally trying to irritate them by pretending not to hear them, Thaddeus kept his head down and tried to move on.

“Don’t you walk away from me!”

Sean, of course, was not alone. Here was good ole Jason Mercuriadis, exactly as Thaddeus expected. The two of them jumped in front of Thaddeus, cutting him off. Raphael Cruz and Shiloh Summers were also here. These four potatoes were all on the football team together.

Normally, if Thaddeus were faced with even two of these testosterone junkies, he would be cringing with fear. Today, however, he knew they were the ones who were in trouble.

Sean gave Thaddeus a violent push, causing him to backpedal and nearly fall. "I said,” Sean growled, “what did you do to my little brother?"

There’s nothing "little" about your brother, jerkwad, was Thad’s first thought. His second thought was, You’d never believe me if I told you. And then he surprised himself by telling Sean the God's honest truth. "I spat a honeybee at him."

Whatever the four jocks expected to hear, it was not that.

Jason called Thaddeus a, "Smart ass."

Raphael asked, "What do you think you are— some kind of lame-ass magician?"

Shiloh joked, "He's Doctor Lame." He and Raphael snorted laughter.

Thaddeus was focused on Sean. As much as he hated Jason, he knew Sean was the bigger threat.

Sean’s nose was barely six inches away from Thad’s as he shouted, "My brother’s eye is swollen shut! His whole face is swollen! You could have permanently damaged his sight with your geek-ass trick! Did you ever think of THAT?" Sean slammed Thad’s shoulder.

The punch hurt and it made Thaddeus angry.

Something deep inside him began to buzz.

Now Shiloh spoke up, reacting with disgust, not contempt or anger, which surprised Thaddeus. "Look at his eyes, Sean! What’s wrong with his eyes?"

Raphael sounded worried. "Is he sick or something?"

Sean’s brow furrowed as he appraised Thaddeus. "What’s up with the yellow contacts, freak? That some kind of queer boy fashion statement?"

Thaddeus could not see his own eyes, but he somehow knew they were honey gold. The buzzing inside him got louder when Sean punched his shoulder again. "Speaking of eyes... ever hear of ‘an eye for an eye,’ asshole?"

Jason grinned and Raphael snickered.

"Well, the way I see it," Sean raged at Thaddeus, "since you closed my brother’s eye, it’s only fair I shut yours!"

Shiloh lunged forward even before Jason shouted, "Grab ‘im!"

Thaddeus didn’t struggle. He was enjoying this. He was thinking, You guys have no clue how righteously fucked you are!

Raphael slipped behind Thaddeus and clutched him around his chest. Shiloh seized one arm, and Jason captured the other.

Inside Thaddeus, the jangling fury continued to build.

"Hold him still, guys," shouted Sean, sounding excited.

Thad grinned, making no effort at all to escape.

"Hit ‘im," said Jason.

Shiloh agreed, "Do it, Bro!"

Raphael eagerly licked his lips.

Sean raised a massive fist...

And that's when Thaddeus exploded.

He unhinged his jaw, opening his mouth unnaturally wide as a torrent of bumblebees roared out. The living blast hit Sean directly in the face, pelting him with insects that struck pointy-end-first. In an instant, he suffered dozens of stings, and the yellow jackets just kept coming, spouting out of Thaddeus’s mouth with the power of a directed dust devil.

Sean screamed, only to have his shrieks cut off an instant later as bees stung his tongue and scurried down his throat. Batting at his already swelling face, trying in vain to swat the storm away, he stumbled backward and fell.

Thaddeus then gestured at Jason, indicating the swarm should attack him. Instantly, it did.

The atmosphere thickened, becoming heavy with mutant bees.

Sean Lofton, Jason Mercuriadis, Raphael Cruz, and Shiloh Summers were all shrieking.

The teenage monster hoped it wouldn’t be long until all of humanity was screaming.

The bombinating multitude continued to squall out of Thad’s mouth.

The screams of the jocks had a calming effect on Thaddeus. Listening to their agonies was almost as sweet as the nectar on his lips.

Thaddeus knew a normal hive could house anywhere from fifty thousand up to half a million residents. He was also proud to know he was the Biggest Hive that had Ever Existed, host to nearly three million mutant bees, all with a single purpose: to protect Hawthorne-Hive!

The workers served him, and he served Her. Sensing Her presence inside him for the first time, Thaddeus thought, For the Glory of the Queen!

Bees began shooting out of Thaddeus’s anus. His pants were baggy anyway and the sudden push of the charging insects caused them to fall to his ankles. Bees squirted out of his ears. And a raging tempest of bumblebees still emanated from his mouth.

Sean Lofton had gone into what looked like a vicious epileptic seizure. He thrashed and flopped on the ground beneath a blanket of bees. His throat was expanding like a pink balloon.

Sean would die from suffocation, before the poison could take him. All four of Thad’s tormentors would be killed today.

When Thaddeus spoke, the bumblebees spoke with him, joining their voluminous buzz to his voice. He raised his arms to the sky and thundered...

"I AM A TEENAGE BEEHIVE!"

Hawthorne-Hive’s moment of triumph was short-lived.

🐝🐝***_____________________***🐝🐝

Amy Grubman loved Sean Lofton with all her seventeen-year-old heart. 💘 She did not want to let him drive her car after school that day, but when she saw how upset Sean was, she couldn’t refuse him.

When they found the goth geek, Sean did not need to suggest she remain in her vehicle. Amy always stayed with the air conditioning when it was this muggy outside.

She watched as Sean and his friends surrounded the skinny dude. But then she looked down for just a minute to respond to a text on her phone, and when she looked back up, she couldn’t believe her eyes.

Bees were coming out of the geek’s mouth!

🐝🐝 And Sean was screaming!!! 🐝🐝🐝🐝

Terrified, Amy frantically dialed 911.

The operator who took Amy’s call understood very little that Amy said except for the location of the altercation and, "MY BOYFRIEND’S BEING ATTACKED BY BEES!"

Like Sean, Jason was rolling on the ground, covered with big fat bumbles.

Amy saw Shiloh running down the middle of the street, being chased by his own personalized swarm.

Raphael was wailing something in Spanish as he did these jerky spasms where he stood, as if his body was being riddled by machine-gun fire.

Turning her attention again to Sean, the boy she lost her virginity to, the great love of her life, Amy burst into tears. Sean collapsed, gagging, swelling. And still the bees kept coming out of the geek. Thad’s pants had fallen down and yellow jackets seemed to even be coming from his flat ass— his legs and meatless buttocks were covered in bees! That's when Amy freaked out. She impulsively slid over behind the steering wheel, shifted her car into drive, and floored the accelerator.

So many bees splattered the windshield, her view quickly went dark.

Amy Grubman wailed as she drove into Thaddeus Hawthorne, running him over.

The aggrieved bees went berserk, attacking her car. The sound of their buzzing was as loud as radio static in Dolby surround sound.

Crying, unable to see, Amy drove into the side of a house. Her airbag saved her from serious injury.

She could not be coaxed out of her car until long after the swarm had dispersed. When Amy finally did exit her vehicle, in addition to all the dead bees on her Kia, she saw the grill and hood were drenched and dripping with honey.

The police arrived first, quickly followed by paramedics, but all the victims were beyond help.

The officers who took Amy’s statement thought she was hysterical until they got a look at what was left of the teenage beehive.

Later, an autopsy would reveal that, at the time of his death, Thaddeus Hawthorne hadn’t had a drop of blood left in his body. All his veins ran thick with honey.

When Amy saw the devastation that her car did to her classmate, she passed out.

Even veteran police officers were shocked.

The impact of Amy’s speeding car not only pulverized Thad’s body, blasting him apart like a wet paper bag, it cracked open his skull, revealing what was inside. Where there should have been wrinkled brain tissue, there was instead a series of hexagon-shaped chambers, some still capped with beeswax and filled with nectar.

No one saw the fat, stealthy Queen bee when She slipped out of Thaddeus ’s broken head and swooped away. The mutant Monarch flew unerringly into Amy’s purse, where She settled in and hid.

Later that night, as the teenage girl slept safe in her bedroom, the Queen crawled between Amy’s lips and scuttled down her throat, stinging her epiglottis as She went. The young woman would have only a mild sore throat in the morning to mark the beginning of her transformation into the next living hive.

A minute after 1:00 AM, Amy Grubman awoke from a terrible nightmare. She remembered she was walking to school with some friends, when suddenly her crew was chased down by a magnificent swarm of bees.

Author's Note:🐝 I Was a Teenage Beehive 🐝 was originally written as a 120-word script that Weird Tales magazine produced into a One Minute Weird video. It can be seen (with a slightly different plot than this expanded version) on YouTube, & on the official Weird Tales website.

Check it! 👇🐝👇👇

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