Darkness

My eyelids flutter; the feeling of waking up on a bright, sunny morning. Another day full of potential. I blink a few times, sleepily waiting to gain focus. The day is brighter than usual. Something is not right. The light is unnatural. I open my eyes fully and blink twice more. The room above me comes into focus. White lights shine down on me. Faces. Surgical masks. Where am I? I focus in on one face. The chatter is unintelligible. We lock eyes and I notice those staring back at me begin to widen. ‘Shit! She’s awake!’ I hear. I try to open my mouth to speak. I feel that it is dry. Is there a tube in my throat? Something is really wrong. I feel a sharp pain on the top of my hand and the world around me begins to fade once more. Darkness.

***

I open my eyes. The room I’m in is dimly lit. I seem to be in a bed somewhere. Crisp white sheets envelop me tightly. I’m aware of my body. Wiggling my toes, moving my head from side to side, I note that I feel okay. I look around to try to gather clues about where I am. A blue curtain. A simple chair beside my bed. I hone in on my listening. I hear distant chatter. The beeping of machines. I’m in a hospital. Okay, I’m in a hospital. That’s okay.

I suddenly become aware of my dry throat. I’m incredibly thirsty. I lift my head and look beside me. A bottle of water on the small wooden table. Great! I reach across and bring the open bottle to my lips. Bliss as the water slides past my tongue and down through my throat. I finish the entire bottle in a few gulps and feel satisfied. Now, to find out why I’m here!

My mind feels slightly groggy as I try to remember the last 24 hours. How did I end up in a hospital? Did I have an accident? Was there an operation? Had I fainted? Been struck? Nothing helpful comes to mind. My last memory is from two days ago. I was at home in my one-bedroom apartment. I last remember feeding my cat, Juggles. His purrs and vibrations as I stroked him gently while he ate. But what next? I strain my brain and feel a sharp pain in my head. Nothing. It’s blank. Okay, next plan.

I peer over to the table where I had found the bottle of water and notice the cords. Aha! A buzzer to call in a nurse. I clutch at the cord, bringing the buzzer closer then press the bell symbol. Once, twice, three times. The anxiety of the unknown is creeping in and I need answers.

Upon the third impatient press of the button, I hear hurried footsteps approaching. A woman no older than 45 makes her way swiftly to my bedside.

‘Darling! You’re awake! How are you feeling?’ I study her kind face before I answer; wrinkles beside her eyes that become slightly deeper as a result of the tender smile she is showing me.

‘I…I…what happened? Where am I? Am I okay? Why am I in hospital? Am I hurt?’

The kind nurse reaches a gentle hand and rests it on my shoulder. ‘You’re okay now, sweetie. You’re in South Lair Hospital. You had a little accident. Everything is okay now’.

The smile does not leave her face. I begin to feel uneasy once more. Her voice is unwavering, unnatural. Where are the intonations? Why are her eyes boring into me like that? I scuffle backwards as much as I can and sit up slightly in the hospital bed. Within in an instant, something flitters across the nurse’s face. Annoyance? Anger? As quickly as it appeared, the expression is gone and she has assumed the same unnerving smile that initially had seemed so sweet.

The nurse takes her hand off my shoulder and reaches into her pocket. My heart feels as though it’s thumping right out of my chest as I watch her pull out a syringe.

‘Wh-what’s that for? What are you doing to me?’ I stammer.

‘Shh, it’s okay now. This is for the pain, Sweetie. Everything is okay now’. I try to protest but notice that I am weak. My body is not moving as quickly as my brain. The nurse grabs hold of my left arm and sharply stabs the needle in before I get a chance to pull away. The room around me becomes hazy and starts to close in on me. As my world gets smaller, I can just hear a whisper, ‘Everything is okay’. Darkness.

***

I awaken. My mind whirrs. I attempt to open my eyes. My eyelids will not budge. Blackness. I strain and I strain but still, my eyelids remain shut in place. I’m panicked. There is silence surrounding me. Why can I not move? My mind is here but my body does not seem to be getting the messages.

I hear footsteps. It sounds like a lot of footsteps. 10? 20? More? I have no way of knowing. None of the footsteps come near me but it sounds as though they are filling the room. Voices speak quietly. Are people taking seats? The room becomes hushed again for a moment. Sombre music begins to play. Still, I cannot open my eyes. I try to yell out – to let people know I’m here, but none of my muscles respond. My mouth will not open. The only muscle that appears to be working is my heart, loud as an 18 wheeler truck. I attempt to drown out the beating of my heart so that I can pay attention to whatever is happening around me. The music plays softly; perhaps it is a hymn. Then there is another sound. A recognisable sound. The sound of crying. Not just one person crying; multiple. Weeping. I am lying in front of a weeping room. What the hell is going on here?

The soft, beautiful music comes to a close and a male voice breaks through the sound of sobbing. ‘Ahem. We gather here today to celebrate the life of Arya Gaspatto’.

Darkness.