Why I can't go back to the Movie Theater

It Was Once Just a Thought

I’ve gone to the Movie Theater over a thousand times. Each time I’ve sat in those comfy lounge chairs, I felt more enamored with the experience on the big black screen. Each time was an out-of-body experience. Time passed like never before, I never got up for anything!

I wanted to enjoy every moment of the theater.

It was a mystery to me how they got the sound so loud. The actors' voices and the sound effects rang loud against the walls into the viewer's ears. I contemplated how that little camera hung above the chairs broadcasted lively images.

At moments I felt like I was in the movie, way more than just a viewer.

There wasnt one time that I went to the movie theatre and I didn’t feel connected to the movie as I left. As I pushed through the doors to face the daylight, my head got a little blurry but my mind was filled with conversation topics to throw at my friends. News flash they never cared. They didn’t contemplate the reasonings of the classic IT.

Why did he chase those specific kids in Derry? Why Derry? Was he once human perhaps?

Nor did they feel visibly shaken by the actions of Twilight Breaking Dawn Part Two.

I was amazed at the minds of the creators each time.

I wondered if I would be able to outsmart my captors and Escape the wretched turmoil? Or would I fall victim to my panic and selfish gains?

It’s hard to say what movies I love the most. I know that I am most enamored by movies that have love or tragedy, if it has both, even better. I first began going to the movie theater to watch scary movies like Sinister, Mama, Saw, The Rings, The Conjuring. I love the way they grabbed my attention. I will never forget the thrillers, Creep, and 13 Sins. I wasnt able to think about anything else when these movies were onscreen. I enjoyed watching lifetime movies as a child so this may play a part.

I also enjoy movies like Thelma and Louise, Kill Bill, and Final Destination.

Lately, if it’s a thriller, I will be watching with my eyes glued and my mind held captive by the outstanding actors on the screen. Movies like Old, Split, The Harder they fall, and True Story.

I admire the fact that we all gather to watch what came out of one or many people’s minds. We spend our money and time over something that was once just someones’ thought.

I am mind-blown by Marvel. It was just an idea, that warped into an entire universe that people turned into a whole personality trait *a nerd*. Watching Loki, Wandavision, and Avengers feels like I'm emersed in a whole other universe. Created by a couple of guys potentially on Mary Jane.

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Movie Theater

I went to the movie theater once a month, which was uncommon for my peers. They didn’t like the movie theater nearly as much as I did. It was just a place to go to make out with their partner in a dark room. For me, it was something way bigger, a lot more personal, it felt like it was a part of my journey in this world. I don't like the skating rink, going out to eat, or going to the mall.

Going to the Movie Theater calmed my intense anxiety and gave me a place to relax and engage my mind.

I loved putting my hand in the big box of buttery popcorn and sipping on sprite or lemonade depending on the day. I enjoyed the pumping sensation that I felt in my chest when the room started to darken and the screen widened. My eyes widened with the screen and I leaned back into my chair and forget about everything outside the doors, everyone around me was nonexistent. The only thing that mattered was the screen plastered in front of me.

Covid's impact on my time at the Movie Theater

It wasnt until recently that my love of movie theater was forced to subside.

I sat on the top row with my buttery popcorn and shared a drink when my boyfriend.

Someone was in our assigned seat, so we just took another seat. Careful enough to create more than six feet of distance between the man.

I watched the trailers appear on the screen and began to get comfortable and attempt to not eat all the popcorn before the movie began.

When BOOM

I suddenly felt intense panic as I watched the theater become more crowded.

People walked in without their masks, no one was there to tell them otherwise. I heard the loud door close and my heart raced. To my demise, people began pacing the stairway, searching for seats.

I immediately thought of the people who sat in movie theatres just like I was at that moment, but they caught COVID.

How could I trust that a room full of random people with no masks weren't infected with the deadly virus and did not care?

Then my thoughts escalated...

Or worse, my boyfriend and I could be victims of being shot down by people with morals only someone sick with hatred could understand or validate.

If not that then it could be a bomb that blows up and instantaneously kills us. I became petrified by the occurrences I would say I knew were going to happen, but I ignored them anyway.

With each passing moment, my chest got tighter, I felt like I couldn't breathe and I didn't want to inhale that smogged potentially infected air.

I felt like I had to get out of there or I would pass out and It was impossible to calm my thoughts. Even when I did the sensation that I would die in the movie theater didn't subside.

I got up and left with tears in my eyes, overwhelmed with the things that could go on in that dark room. Overwhelmed that I could not enjoy my favorite safe spot. Worried if I would ever go back. Of course, upset that I spent 50$ and I could not even enjoy the experience.

That room that felt so magical to me for most of my life, felt like a death trap for disease and tragedies. All within my mind, maybe.

It's ironic because I thought my amusement was over once Covid came into America and the Movie theaters shut down.

Maybe I should be mad at them. Even though I'm vaccinated I can still get COVID and the " mask off when you eat" is not enforced by anyone. Not even the guy who peeks his head in for a minute and then leaves. Most people don't buy their high-priced snacks. Yet most of them did not wear a mask entering the Movie theater.

How am I supposed to enjoy the movie theater when Covid is not going to evaporate into thin air.

It is our new reality.

I will, for the time being, enjoy films at home and provide myself with an immense experience. I also don't mind drive-in theaters, they're not as many in my small town but when they feature movies I show up.

It took a while for me to notice my love for film and television shows. I was stuck in the dazes of mindless school work and working minimum wage jobs to get by. I was in college but my mind was in survival mode. Focusing on what I had to do to survive. Movies was a hobby until it became my silent obsession. I want to be on the set watching the magic become created. Better yet, I know I will create something that everyone will love. I will work with beautiful minds to create something that everyone can enjoy.

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Thank you for reading, please like and share!

Sincerly, Jonaewrites