Short Film Reviews: "Wonder Ship"

Winslow Takes the Cake:

I certainly picked a bizarre flick to open up this list. It starts innocently enough, with a young girl named Winslow (Taylor Blackwell) visiting her neighbor Abby (Marjorie O'Neill-Butler) to tell her the box she gave her to play with doesn't work. It's during their conversation that things take a weird turn. While identified as a dramedy on IMDb, Winslow Takes the Cake leans a lot more into the drama half of its genre as the encounter between Winslow and Abby gets surprisingly intense. Topics like divorce, religion, and using imagination to get through hard times are mentioned. So don't be fooled by the title and synopsis into thinking you're about to watch a lighthearted kidcom with a fluid narrative.

Apart from the unexpectedly weighty subject matter, nothing about Winslow Takes the Cake is all that remarkable. Marjorie O'Neill-Butler and Taylor Blackwell do an OK job, though the interactions between Abby and Winslow quickly go from awkward to unnerving. The same goes for Blackwell's young co-stars, but their characters don't get to do all that much. In short, Winslow Takes the Cake collapses like wet cardboard under the weight of its uncomfortable atmosphere and clumsy storytelling.

Score: 4 out of 10 atheist boxes.

Old MacDonald:

A horror sendup heavily influenced by The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Old MacDonald follows Lisa (Madison Iseman) and her friends Mark and Tommy (James Morosini and John Shartzer) as they travel to a concert. But when Lisa and Tommy convince Mark to pick up a mysterious hitchhiker, they unwittingly set themselves up for a night of terror. From the premise alone to the final shot during the end credits, Old MacDonald doesn't even try to hide how much inspiration it takes from the Tobe Hooper-directed horror classic. Stylistically, the film is an anachronistic mashup. While the protagonists' van and general look of the farmhouse they end up at is reminiscent of the 60s, there's also references to Beyoncé and the Donald Trump presidency. It's nothing special, but it does serve to underscore the film's intent to poke fun at tropes of the horror genre.

The satire hits all the expected beats, but there are a few subtler jabs here and there and the cast puts enough effort into the act to make it enjoyable. Madison Iseman and John Shartzer have comedic/dramatic chops while James Morosini is likable as the only main character with any sense of genre savvy. It's just a shame that Mark doesn't get to join in on the darkly comedic shenanigans that transpire after his and his friends' arrival at the farmhouse. Of the three farm dwellers, Daved Wilkins' Huck stands out as the funniest, largely because of Wilkins' commitment to delivering the horror version of "Old MacDonald" with a straight face. Kelsey Gunn does the same with Grenda, playing up the hitchhiker's obvious insanity in a way that makes it hilarious when Lisa and Tommy don't recognize it. Getting the short end of the stick is Tennessee Luke as Old MacDonald himself, a dull Leatherface knockoff who fails to be as entertaining as Huck and Grenda.

But for the most part, Old MacDonald is a fun little horror comedy helmed by a cast that (for the most part) is clearly giving it their all. What the script lacks in depth, Madison Iseman and company make up for with their energy and dedication. Plus, if you get a kick out of yelling at the protagonists of cheesy horror movies for being idiots, Old MacDonald caters directly to viewers like you.

Score: 6.5 out of 10 farm-themed jack-in-the-boxes.

No Prom For Cindy:

No Prom for Cindy tells a typical coming-of-age tale of a high school girl named Cindy going through the troubles of puberty. The twist? Cindy is played by Charlie Adler, the movie's male director/co-writer who certainly doesn't pass for a 14-year-old girl. That proves to be the film's main joke, so it's a blessing that it doesn't get oversold. Instead of aiming for cheap laughs through extravagantly feminine clothes or an over-the-top "girlish" voice, Adler's script finds its comedy by drawing attention away from the burly elephant in the room. Throughout the movie, no one acts as if Cindy looks or sounds any different from her friends--all of whom are played by actresses young enough to pass for teenagers. While the effect gets a little stale after a while, it's quietly humorous enough to be amusing and Adler plays the role with just the right amount of cheekiness.

Adler isn't alone in giving a solid comedic performance. Tess Harper is a riot when Cindy's mother goes from stressed-out mom to raving lunatic, the late great Estelle Harris makes a lovely cameo as Cindy's grandmother, and Henry Gibson is pretty funny as the weird and slightly creepy Father Bob. There's also Brock Peters, who provides an incredibly heartfelt performance as a supportive doctor who gives Cindy some much-needed words of wisdom. The doctor's scene is a part of No Prom for Cindy's hidden emotional depth. Take away the casting oddity and you have a somber story of a teenager grappling with bigotry, bullying, and self-discovery. Amid all the jokes, Adler takes the time to give these sensitive issues the respect they deserve and appropriately ends his story on a poignant note of ambiguity (while still leaving room for the viewer to be hopeful). Much like the high school experience, No Prom for Cindy isn't perfect, but it has its high points that make it worthwhile.

Score: 7 out of 10 tennis lessons.

Dinner:

Settle in for a meal and a show with Dinner, a short film that sees an exasperated family man (Christian Borle) finally snap and go on a rant against his apathetic wife and children. Estranged suburban families have been the subject of countless movies, so in terms of writing, Dinner doesn't bring anything new to the table. The acting is what saves it from getting chucked into the garbage like week-old leftovers. Getting the majority of the film's dialogue, Christian Borle does an excellent job. Throughout his character's cathartic breakdown, Borle makes the man's scathing remarks as comical as they are depressing. Beneath his sarcastic jabs and unhinged laughter, you get the sense he's a genuinely loving father devastated by the current state of his family.

Borle's co-stars do just as well in their mostly silent roles. With their blank expressions and impassive words, they perfectly capture the equal parts amusing and saddening image of three people too indifferent and zoned out to notice their father/husband having a manic episode right in front of them. It may not have the most original script, but Dinner's Tony Award-winning lead actor should be enough to keep you watching until the final course is served.

Score: 7 out of 10 green peas.

Evelyn: The Cutest Evil Dead Girl:

While the video quality of the copy of Evelyn: The Cutest Evil Dead Girl I watched is definitely lacking, it doesn't take away from what this morbidly appealing film has to offer. The cheaply made sets add to the movie's unique aesthetic, which can best be described as Tim Burton meets Dr. Seuss. The same can be said for the narration provided by Maurice Dean Wint, who delivers the Seussian descriptions of Evelyn's ghoulish activities with a rich Boris Karloff-esque cadence. As for Evelyn herself, Nadia Litz gives an endearing silent performance as the titular dead girl fruitlessly tries to revive herself so she can finally make some friends. Despite Evelyn's morose appearance and disturbing habit of killing birds, Litz will have you wanting to hug the little girl as her attempts to befriend a trio of snobby bullies are met with mockery.

You'll also smile when Evelyn finds a kindred spirit in fellow outcast Devin. As played by Stalker in the Attic's Joshua Close, you'll feel just as bad for Devin as you do for Evelyn and want to see the two misfits become friends. As for their tormentors, the trio of mean girls are so aggressively nasty and irritating you'll be rooting to see them meet the same fate as the unfortunate birds in Evelyn's backyard. With its lovable protagonist and sweet conclusion, unconventional as they may be, Evelyn: The Cutest Evil Dead Girl has a warm heart beating underneath its gloomy exterior.

Score: 7 out of 10 dead crows.

Riley:

In the same year they earned the role of Audrey Jensen on MTV's Scream series, Bex Taylor-Klaus starred as the title character of this horror short, a serial killer whose latest murder is interrupted by the early arrival of Cole (Vincent Martella), her date for the evening. Plot-wise, Riley is an average horror comedy with a letdown of a finale. It's Bex Taylor-Klaus's performance that keeps the movie from being a total disaster. Even as Riley opens the film bludgeoning her newest victim, Taylor-Klaus makes it impossible not to love the adorkable murderer. When Cole arrives early, it's fairly entertaining to see Riley scramble to cover her tracks and get the guy out of her house before he discovers her secret. If you didn't already know what Riley was hiding, you'd think you were just watching an exceptionally awkward first date.

Vincent Martella of Phineas & Ferb fame is decent as the unsuspecting Cole, but Taylor-Klaus is who truly carries the film. This is owed in large part to the fact that, as opposed to the lively Riley, Cole has all the flavor of tap water and only gets a few chances to be as funny as his deranged date. In the end, Bex Taylor-Klaus deserves much of the credit for Riley being as watchable as it is. Without them, the predictable writing and anticlimactic ending would've been enough to tank the movie's score.

Score: 6 out of 10 fuzzy navels.

Sliced:

It's a regular day in the office until a fight over the last slice of pizza sends co-workers Archie and Charlie (Chris Kircher and Sam Uehling) into a showdown, with their level-headed friend Kenneth (Jace Ceyanes) caught in the middle. The plot of Sliced may be simplistic, but the details are where it becomes a hilarious rollercoaster. As Archie and Charlie's disagreement snowballs into a bout of hurled insults and threats, the camerawork and props add to the craziness. The framing and lighting intensify whenever the men are at peak conflict. Their weapons change periodically, sometimes in between shots. When Archie fires a gun up in the air, you can hear the bullet strike someone on the floor above him. Add in all three of Sliced's stars playing their roles with comical seriousness, and you've got a recipe for a wild comedy perfect for enjoying over a fresh pie ordered from your choice of pizza chain.

Score: 7 out of 10 softball league sign-ups.

Here's the Plan:

Now for a longer feature starring an anthropomorphized dog and cat that's more drama than comedy. When the movie begins, Doug and Kat (voiced by husband/wife duo Alex and Lindsay Small-Butera) are a newlywed couple with plans to open a bakery together. But as life brings them unexpected setbacks and challenges, will their dream--and their marriage--survive? Through beautiful animation, Here's the Plan tells a captivating story of love, dreams, and the difficulties of life. This film also uses lighting to signify when its mood starts to change, but unlike Sliced, this technique is used to dramatic effect. The colors are saturated and warmly lit when Doug and Kat are at their brightest and most optimistic. But when life starts to wear them down and they lose sight of their shared goal, those colors grow dim. The only time Here's the Plan stumbles aesthetically is when Kat start crying, as the teardrop effects heavily clash with the rest of the animation.

As for the story itself, it's told at just the right pace to let the viewer see how things end up going wrong for Doug and Kat and get invested in the fate of their relationship. While their voiceover work isn't perfect, Alex and Lindsay Small-Butera still do a good job making you feel for the culinary couple and cringe at seeing their marriage come undone. Despite the overbearing instrumentals that play during the scene, the climax is a touching culmination of everything Doug and Kat go through over the course of the movie. So while it may have a few underbaked spots, Here's the Plan is otherwise as delectable and visually appealing as a well-decorated cupcake.

Score: 8 out of 10 boxes of granulated sugar.

In the Ladies' Room:

While out at a restaurant, Jessica (Rachel Schaefer) is accompanied to the bathroom by her friend Lynn (Cassandra Ebner). While they're gone, their male acquaintances David and Matt (Levi Meaden and Nile Seguin) ponder why women always seem to go to the bathroom in pairs. Little do they know what Lynn and Jessica will have to face during their visit to the lavatory. The question posed by In The Ladies' Room could've been answered in a multitude of hilarious ways, but the film chooses instead to go down a rather generic path. What's more, it takes until halfway through the movie for that answer to materialize. Until then, we're treated to a comedy skit between Lynn and Jessica as the latter struggles to get her "business" taken care of. It's not the worst banter I've ever heard and it's delivered well by Cassandra Ebner and Rachel Schaefer. But that doesn't take away from how stagnant the film's pacing is and how underwhelming the "big reveal" is after the build-up leading up to it.

Ebner and Schaefer's male co-stars don't get much of a chance to shine. But between the two, Matt is the more memorable acquaintance and Nile Seguin's performance is a bit less strained than Levi Meaden's. While it has better humor and a much less squirm-inducing atmosphere to put it a notch above Winslow Takes the Cake, In The Ladies' Room is still a pretty uninteresting movie that you'll likely forget about in the time it takes to clean a toilet.

Score: 4.5 out of 10 torn stockings.

Powdered Donuts:

To cap off this list, here's a short film that's even more reminiscent of a rejected Saturday Night Live skit than In The Ladies' Room. Showing up for his first day at his new job, Jim (Justin Raths) hopes to make a good impression on his co-workers. Too bad the treats he brought to help break the ice turn out to be the kind everyone at this office thoroughly despises. Even if you're also an avid powdered donut hater, Powdered Donuts is unlikely to have you coming back for seconds. The humor of this short is restricted to the concept of an entire office vehemently hating the new guy over something so trivial, which is then hammered into the ground for 3 minutes.

Between that and the repetitively dry dialogue, it's no wonder nobody's performance rises above serviceable. Not even powerhouse actor Eric Roberts can do much with the unhinged Steve other than play him as a bargain bin version of Albert Beck. The only actor who stands out in a bad way is Aryè Campos, whose deliveries are as stiff as her character is bland. It's not annoying or infuriating enough to reach the bottom of the rating scale, but Powdered Donuts still earns the "honor" of tying with Winslow Takes the Cake for the lowest score of the list.

Score: 4 out of 10 broken shovels.

Overall:

In a neat bit of irony, this list is bookended by two "4 out of 10" scoring films that each have a confection in their title. Most of the remaining eight movies earn scores within the respectable 6-8 range. Here's the Plan leads the pack with its scrumptious animation and compelling story while In The Ladies' Room gets left behind thanks to its boring script. On the whole, though, there are definitely more good films than bad, so this list can be forgiven for its rocky start and clunky finish. And once you're done with this list, be sure to check out the entries to Vocal's Ship of Dreams challenge! Among them is my story, Countdown to Disaster, and the results will be announced on May 10th.