My Chest Is Mightier Than the Pen

Everyday I move towards forgiveness.

I should. Right? Shouldn't I?

There are no should(s) anymore, are there?

WEDNESDAY -- APRIL 29, 2020

• Meditation, movement, light, pee, scale, hydration, shroom, brew, candle: 6:45am.

• Entire corner of apartment, cleaned. Mom's crystal, washed.

• New shower curtain, Instapot, gloves, water bottle: arrived.

• Old shower curtain, replaced.

• High school transcript, found. Looking at this piece of paper I obtained, in order to attend physical trainer school in 2014. 52 year old Karen is currently looking back at adolescent Karen. I now know why I frustrated my parents so much. I look out my window "sorry. I'm so sorry. I get it now. I understand." I knew how incredibly bright I was, but when it came to studying and homework, I couldn't give two craps. I would much rather head into the City when I was 15, to see the Talking Heads play CBGBs. Oh yes I did. Never told him that when I had the opportunity. I was too busy ushering.

THURSDAY -- April 30, 2020

• 6:45am: Pee, light, meditate, movement, window, candle, poo, scale, hydration, shroom.

• Writing is rewriting. Training is retraining, I hope. At 10:00pm I took half an Ambien, brushed my teeth, put some Peaceful Sleep on the back of my neck, behind my ears and forehead. I sketched for 45 minutes and then got tired enough to crawl into bed. I listened to my new meditation app Synctuition. I was hoping that I would have fallen asleep by then. But I hadn't. I took another 1/2 Ambien.

FRIDAY -- May 1, 2020

Okay. Work with me here.

You are the owner of a Vegan Cheese Company. You don't use the best ingredients, but what you've done at VCC is created products which offer alternatives to customers who can't consume dairy, or people who simply choose not to vibe on liquid meat labeled "milk."

A Company in Asia makes you an incredible offer and buys your company. You take the money, and do whatever you wish with it. Now CoAs is actually a cosmetic company, which openly conducts testing on animals. They don't hide it, nor are they ashamed.

Now let me ask you: if CoAs follows your recipes down to the micro ounce, are they still selling vegan pizza? Or manufacturing vegan product at all?

• Tai chi. 18 minutes. 177 calories. Now that's what I call breakfast.

• 35 minutes. Upper body strength training. 1 lb hand weights. While watching Malcolm Nance and Stephanie Miller. What a great t-shirt collection she has.

• Ran 1.4 miles in 23 min, 39 sec. While listening to "The Plot to Betray," by Malcolm Nance.

--------------------------

It's funny.

I am a second generation American. My family has been in New York for 100 years.

When I left for college, I went as far away as I could get, while remaining inside the State borders.

I wasn't sure at the time, but I wanted to return either a journalist, or a filmmaker. I split the difference and focused on documentary filmmaking. I was actually able to shoot my senior project inside my elementary school.

("After the war I went back to New York"...sorry, not sorry, I ushered Hamilton.)

After graduation, I returned to New York and for three years I worked for a tiny company you might have heard of called "Blockbuster Video." I was a Ninja Turtle at store openings across Long Island, and charged $2.17 for each day that your return was late.

That was followed by seven years in television, highlighted by the time a 60 Minutes anchor threw a pen at me, hitting me in the chest, because I handed him blue and not black ink. To my defense, I was crawling around on the studio floor plugging in his microphone cable. So I could see why he was upset with my lack of focus, and my inability to read his mind, and kiss his ass at the same time.

After walking away from lighting the first Empty V, Unreal loft, insisting that no one was going to watch this stuff, I chose to spend the next 20 years playing "let's pretend" for a living.

Film is a story told through images. Plays are stories told through dialogue. By the way, I wrote my senior thesis on Francis Ford Coppola's "One From the Hart," which explains how I prepared myself for two decades in the Theater.

So today, as I'm running through the streets of Brooklyn, I am listening to Malcolm Nance clearly explaining how the Squatter got to take up occupancy in the White House. He's talking about the late 80s, and how a crazy person from Jamaica Estates thinks he can solve the arms crisis and the Cold War. Nance is even quoting Sting, "Believe me when I say to you, I hope the Russians love their children too--"

I am stopped, dead in my size 7, prize winning, Brooks Ghost tracks.

Someone had taped a sign to the light pole. The image is of the State of New York, there are eyes where the Finger Lakes should be, looking off to the left. There's an arm sticking out of Albany, the fist has it's pointer finger up in the air. Written is: Rent Strike, Can't Pay, Won't Pay, "housing justice for all, from Buffalo to Brooklyn."

I understand. I know who I am. I know where I am. And I know how I got to this corner.

@davidbymeofficial

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@synctuition

@malcolmnance.tapstri

@Plot2BetrayBook

@stephaniemillershow

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