Movie Review: 'Bullets of Justice' is an Exhausting, Gross, Pornographic Waste of Time

I feel like I have to share my Grindhouse bona fides in order to demonstrate that I am no stick in the mud critic, incapable of enjoying extreme cinema. Thus I can say that one of my favorite movies of the last 10 years is the Spanish horror movie Night of the Virgin, an extremely grotesque bit of stomach churning gore, deeply dark humor, and spectacular viscera. I was also a huge fan of the Asian horror classic, Martyrs, another proprietor of the extreme in terms of violence and gore.

I mention these two brilliant and extreme works of art to reiterate that I have a strong stomach and good taste in extravagant grossness and violence. Now, I can state with authority that the new extreme horror comedy, Bullets of Justice is truly awful. This bizarre story about a bounty hunter of the future battling mutant pig people created by Nazi scientists is gross for the sake of gross and desperately unfunny despite a premise that involves Danny Trejo and pig/human hybrids.

Don’t let the mention of Danny Trejo fool you, the B-movie legend is barely in for a cameo in Bullets of Justice. Rather, the star here is Timur Turisbekov, a handsome if not particularly charismatic young man. Turisbekov plays Rob Justice, bounty hunter of the future. With his series of expendable, sexy, female assistants, Rob works on behalf of what remains of the human resistance, hunting for a mythical mother of pigs.

In this dystopian future humans have lost the ability to procreate while evil pig/human hybrids have a mother of pigs who feeds off of massive amounts of human flesh and gives birth to litters of pig/human hybrids. Rob must find and kill the mother of pigs to finally even the odds between the humans and the ‘Muzzles,’ as Rob calls them. Helping Rob on his assignment, after the latest in a series of deaths took the life of his latest assistant, is Rob’s mustachioed sister turned lover, Raksha (Doroteya Toleva).

Opposing Rob are not just the supremely disgusting Muzzles but also a man named Raphael (Semir Alkadi), a fellow bounty hunter and a traitor to the human race. Raphael is not merely the enemy on the battlefield however, in another life he was Rob’s main competition for having the greatest backside on Earth. Yes, Rob prides himself on having a spectacular posterior but he is haunted by Raphael and the fact that Raphael has an even better behind than his own.

Bullets of Justice is super-gross, grotesque really, but not with much of any point or purpose. The grotesquerie on display is intended to be shocking but instead it plays like the disquieting fantasies of a slightly disturbed teenage boy. I can imagine a talented but off-putting teenage boy drawing Bullets of Justice as a comic book intended to shock adults and entertain his friends with extreme violence and sexuality.

Bullets of Justice evokes the Troma style of extreme violence and sex but like that well known brand of shock, the effect wears off very quickly. Once our hero Rob Justice is sticking his fingers into the face anus of a horrific traitor character known as Benedict ***hole, the shocks of Bullets of Justice have become extremely tired. The repeated attempts at being shocking become exhausting quickly as pig people hybrids snort, defecate on the ground and are shot in the head.

The selling point of Bullets of Justice is Danny Trejo but he’s not in the movie for more than a few minutes and is gone very early in the proceedings. The real selling point of Bullets of Justice are scenes of base pornography played for shocks and laughs. Incest, hints of homosexuality and lots of genitalia on display are intended to be as shocking as the vile amount of violence and bodily function but like everything else in Bullets of Jusitice, it’s more punishing than titillating.

Bullets of Justice is available now for streaming rental.