Aba and Preach

My eyes have been opened. I never thought before what it was like to be a man, but the moment I started watching Aba and Preach's videos, my mind was blown.

Aba and Preach are two male comedians that have a reaction channel on youtube. Aba being the guy on the right and Preach on the left. They are based in Canada and have a patreon as well as a t-shirt/hoodie merch site called Enkreprinte.

Everything I knew about dating from a women's perspective all came crashing down upon watching these videos. I thought it was okay for women to have types, in fact, I remember getting in a heated discussion with a male in the past just because a girl said she liked tall guys and didn't see short guys as men even though she herself was short. But after watching their videos, although I still believe it's okay to have a type, certain criteria that we have needs to go.

In the past, I wrote a story about Cinderella and the unrealistic expectation that if you look pretty enough, a rich guy will notice and fall in love with you.

Men don't experience the same privilege. It doesn't help that there's the cultural belief that a man should provide for the family. Which isn't wrong but as we live we learn not everything goes as planned and that's okay. For average-looking men or undesirable men, they have to work hard and make money otherwise they may not even be considered.

On Aba and Preach's channel, they discussed and reacted to a video where women that made a lot of money didn't want to "date down", which is basically dating men who made less than them. They expected their man to make more because in their minds they still expected the man to be providing. I had also thought this way without realizing it the main issue.

We failed to realize that men date down all the time. Men provide all the time, and women take it for granted, women that make a lot are scared that men that make less might be scrubs, but what about women? What about the women that make less and frankly don't deserve their men that have a high income? It made me realize how privileged women are. What we get away with men can not.

Aba and Preach went in and explained that this belief is why women's options are so limited, it's because we limit ourselves. It's okay to be the breadwinner; It's okay to make more than your man. There are many other videos about women and their thought processes about dating that Aba and Preach discussed that enlightened me and inspired me to be a better woman that is more understanding of men and their struggles.

Aba and Preach also react to men and call them out as well, but for me, that perspective was nothing new. Everyone's already used to men having a bad rep.

As a child from a divorced household who ended up having dissonance with my own Dad, I'd be lying if I didn't say I grew up with a negative image of men. I grew up with relatives, few were married but they had tons of kids, and those kids had half-siblings, so mentally I checked out, thinking men, especially men of my own race were promiscuous and unreliable, looking back though the women were just as bad. I didn't even realize how deep in I was until I talked to a Hispanic co-worker and assumed once in conversation that they took after their Mom because they were the most responsible teen I'd ever encountered but it was actually their Dad.

When I come across fellow people of color and I hear that they have a Dad in their life, it fascinates me and I can already tell how much of a different life they're bound to live from mine.

Not that I'm saying growing up without a Dad is bad, it honestly depends on the family, it may have been a blessing to never have them in your life. But the negative impressions that fermented over time based on what I saw on tv- black women never having happiness/making poor life choices, music that promoted lust- to be more specific fellow women of color promoting lust, promiscuity, and poor life choices. Then you have other women you meet early in life, women with the experience of settling yet indirectly telling their daughters to marry a man with money, someone who could provide, to not settle for any common joe, I think Father's will push the same narrative their intent being that they want the best for their daughters without realizing how it may affect their mindset.

All these narratives will become a part of your subconscious without you thinking too much of it until you meet someone who didn't have the same sob story. Someone with different beliefs.

I'm grateful for those people that I met that made me think, and for Aba and Preach who widened my narrow vision.

Aside from dating issues, Aba and Preach talk about cultural issues as well as taboo subjects, and "grey areas" in women's thinking, I say grey areas because it depends on the circumstances. For so long women have gotten away with saying/thinking a lot of "sus" things.

Here's a list of examples:

1. A man crying over his ex who died. The women's response was to dump him. Which sheds light on how possessive women can be over men and their emotions.

2. Women bash men all the time, and in the presence of men. And some are used to it. It's sad because this shouldn't be a normal thing, whenever you hear a man screaming "Bs be crazy" and "If she breathes she's a thot!" Don't stop them. Let them let it out.

3. A man can't cry. Women find emotional men unattractive, they cling to the traditional ideal of a stoic man which is just toxic. It shed light that women preach feminism to be modern, and independent but we won't allow men to do the same, I personally find this a grey area. We expect men to stay as they always have been.

4. A man should pay for the date because women already spent alot to doll themselves up to look good. That logic is like saying men show up to dates in their underwear with uncombed hair. Although I understand it's like a chivalry, but if that's truly the case stop spending so much on make up. There are ways to look good without doing too much... but then again there are also some men who will look down on you so I suppose it's a preference thing.

5. Women always expect men to do everything when dating. Calling, texting, defining the relationship. Traditional mindsets - Aba and Preach enlightened me on the term. Although I've sensed it from watching anime which is full of women with abrasive/abusive personalities. The girl will be the one to initiate the relationship but then look to the man for everything and get upset without saying anything when things don't go their way.

6. Women touching/stroking mens' arms or chests. We've seen it happen all the time by others and perhaps maybe even thought it okay at some point (Not me but I've never been a touchy huggy person). But... it's inappropriate touching, if the roles were reversed a man doing the same thing could get reported/arrested for sexual harassment. Even when men make a big deal out of it, women giggle it off thinking he's being cute. The sooner women start calling this out, letting women know it isn't okay, I think, the sooner women will stop. Clearly, a man showing his discomfort isn't enough.

As you get older the days you can simply stand somewhere enjoying your own company, tackling your own life strife without some rando walking up to interview you and make you feel like a loser/prize- they're numbered. We need to be careful out there but don't go diving off the deep end of hating men veil it under feminism and completely write off men, their feelings, struggles, and their value. Likewise to men.

I think it'd do everyone a lot of good to watch Aba and Preach videos, they're funny and their perspectives can serve as food for thought.