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Strange Conversations

by Len Jeffrey 11 days ago in comedy

Talking Objects

Strange Conversations
Photo by Denny Müller on Unsplash

Strange Conversations

Have you ever wondered what goes on in your home after you leave for a while?

"I guess they've gone for the night," said the tap to the mirror.

"Yes. They were doing some last minute pruning in front of me at about

eight PM," replied the mirror.

"Did you happen to hear what time they would return, Mr. Drain?" asked

the towel rack.

"No. I'm sorry I didn't. I'm all plugged up,” he replied.

Downstairs, in the kitchen, you can hear the fridge humming along as

usual.

"Why are you always so happy fridge?" asked the stove.

"Because I believe in always keeping cool and collected," he answered.

"Huh! The humans always get me hot and steamed up," replied the stove in

disgust.

"Why are you guys complaining? I’m forever left in the dark until the

humans need me to do their dirty work, and it sucks!" complained the

vacuum cleaner.

"Ya, but what about us? Just lying here all of our lives while the humans

and their animals walk all over us!" complained the carpet.

Grunts and groans could be heard coming from the hooks on the walls.

"We're holding up all the heavy picture frames and fancy dishes on these

walls. No one thinks about us," they added.

The front room window spoke up, "Do you think that all of my days are

sunny? I get the occasional bird crap thrown at me you know!"

The stately grandfather clock in the front hallway joined in on the

complaining.

"I have had this headache since 1984. That ‘gonging sound’ every hour on

the hour, twenty four hours a day, sure doesn't help!"

Everyone stopped for a moment because they could hear a faint sound

coming from inside of the refrigerator. The shivering light bulb yelled out

to them, "I’m always cold but figured out a way to get even with the

humans. After the fridge door has been closed for five seconds, guess what? I come on and STAY on! How else am I to get warm?"

In the basement all of the nails on the tool bench could hear the complaints

coming through the furnace pipes. "What do we nails have to look forward

to? Our only lot in life is to be pounded on the head!"

"Have you ever considered what it would be like to have YOUR balls spin

back and forth all of your life?" asked the anniversary clock.

The toilet spoke up and said: "I thought that I would add my two cents

worth but no one wants to hear from me!"

The smoke detector in the hallway just sat there with a smile and didn’t say

a word.

Why are you so smug and not saying anything?” asked the grandfather clock.

“If you must know. I have the best job of anyone in this house. My humans

trust me with their lives. I just sit here day and night waiting for the

slightest sign of trouble. I haven’t a complaint in the world.”

“Yeah, but did you realize something?” the heating duct asked.

“No. What?” asked the smoke detector.

“Even you depend on something.”

“I do not! I work alone without anyone’s help.”

“You’d be worthless without a good battery to keep you going,” said the heating duct.

The smoke detector became quiet again.

Just then the front door opened and in walked the humans.

"Honey, did you hear that?" asked the woman. "Hear what?" replied her

husband.

"I thought I heard whispering. Oh well, it must have been my imagination.

We both know that we left the house empty."

The End

comedy
LJ
Len Jeffrey
Read next: Understanding the Collective Intelligence of Pro-opinion
Len Jeffrey

I am 73 years old and got the bug to write late in life. It has been about a year and a half since I last wrote a short fictional story and now because of Vocal I got the 'urge' back again. To tell the truth, I like it!

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