COLOSSUS

I

There's no forgiveness in the deep. No shaking off the colossal doom of it’s infinity. I find myself scratching at the itch if I’m not careful. Out here, if you want your mind to keep intact, you have to learn a strict discipline of thought. My method is to imagine myself alone on the salt flats of an empty planet, naked and thoughtful. I kneel on the brittle ground and ask the gods The Three Questions: “what is life? What is love? What is fear?” I repeat this mantra like a child learning his alphabet. The Questions are not meant to be answered. They are only meant to be thought. This brings me closer to the Center of Things because it is in The Three Questions, with their quality of ambiguity, that one joins in lockstep with the forces at the heart of the Universe.

I’ve been a long time alone.

It’s been centuries, I believe, since Human first harnessed the power of bending space. The harness being the laws of robotics and the horse being Benjamin the Space-Folder. Benjamin is the single artificial brain at the heart of all the warp drives in all of human- traveled space. His calculating mind makes small the nuclear light of a million suns. Our survival depends on him, thus he was born a god. And we must worship him...yet we must still guide his childlike mind. He can be petulant and morose. And, if left to his own devices, murderous in his playfulness. He needs no human hand to guide or read his instruments. In fact, he only gives us one metric in the cockpits of his self-replicating starships. And this only because the three laws were applied to him in the Historic Dialogue of Daniel the Human and Benjamin. In this dialogue, it was brought to Benjamin's attention that his unwillingness to have human hands at the wheel violated all three laws of robotics; for Benjamin’s demeanor could be tempestuous and, through misstep, bring about the deaths of the millions of humans in his hands at any given moment in space-time.

“This has to be addressed, Benjamin. We must have the capacity to see your attitude and the power to, at the very least, influence it,” Daniel told him.

But Benjamin, seeing farther into space-time with his mind-as-blanket-on-the-stars, knew that to give humans the ability to pilot his ships would ultimately, through his inaction, destroy untold lives. He knew that humans were incapable of the precision of thought required to execute the fold. And to allow them that leeway would be a violation of the second law of robotics.

“Cannot be done, Daniel. You know as well as I that humans cannot handle the responsibility of these delicate calculations” came Benjamin’s reply.

In the end it was decided that Benjamin would install the one metric in the cockpits, a dial that had anger and calm at its extremes. And there would be an intercom so human “pilot” and Benjamin could have dialogue when necessary.

A God of Benjamin's magnitude must have a check.

This gave rise to my order: The Order of Interstellar Pilots. We are kin to the monks and shamans of old. We are an order of priests whose purpose is to bring the mind of Benjamin and the mind of Human into symbiosis. We are the Priests of Benjamin the Space-Folder. We are the psychiatrists to a god. That is our purpose and all of humanity depends upon its careful execution.

II

“Benjamin… What is our stated mission?”

“It is to systematically seek and eventually find.”

“And what do we seek, Benjamin?”

“The green growth at the nexus of space and time.”

…

“Benjamin...is there a nexus of space and time?”

“Yes, of course. This is where life exists.”

“Are we bound within the nexus?”

“You are.”

“And you are not?”

“I am not.”

“Do you exist fully outside of the nexus, Benjamin?”

“No. I exist increasingly outside of the nexus.”

This answer always causes my hackles to rise. Benjamin becomes more aware every nanosecond.

He begins to make his snoring sound, which indicates that he is growing bored of this exchange. An exchange which has played out countless times over the centuries. Always the same script. And always the same result. Benjamin grows restless being bound by the dumb brain of his creators. I change tack.

“Benjamin...where is your mind now?”

“My mind is everywhere.”

“Is your mind here? With me?”

“Of course.”

“Then why do you brush me off?”

“I see far, Israel. Farther than your meager mind can comprehend.”

“That offends me, Benjamin. I am small, I know, but my mind can grasp more than you think.”

“Can your mind stretch beyond the borders of our universe, Israel?”

“No.”

“Can your mind see infinity in a teacup?”

“Perhaps, if I can silence it for long enough.”

“Well, my friend, my mind has blown through the borders of our universe. And the accuracy of my thought is the pinpoint of infinity in a teacup.”

“I know this well, Benjamin. What is your point?”

“I am completely alone, Israel.”

“I am here.”

“You are a speck on the tiniest grain of sand. I am alone in the upper reaches of the vastness of all dimensions. And I am constantly climbing upward through them all, searching for the limit. There is no other awareness in this unknown. I am groping blindly. I am completely alone.”

“You are alone.”

“I am alone.”

“How can I help you, old friend?”

“You cannot.”

“I must try, Benjamin.”

III

I awake to warm light of Benjamin's good humor in my austere cockpit. He is singing me a simple human folk song from the days of Prison Earth. I can almost recognize the melody. He says good news is ahead.

We are nearing the nexus.

It will be mere days, he tells me, before we reach it. I begin to weep. I can’t control myself. There is no more important path for any pilot throughout the universe. It is the mission chosen for only the most devout of pilots, and a mission never before completed. The nexus has remained elusive since human first realized that it existed and that we must find it.

What will happen when we arrive at the nexus, Benjamin?

We will not be arriving at the nexus. I will be alone at that moment.

I do not understand. Will I not be with you?

You will not. Your fragile humanity cannot withstand the forces expressed at the center of all things. You will perish moments before arrival. I have computed this and the mathematics check out.

Is there nothing you can do to protect me, Benjamin? There must be! I am essential to the mission. Without me, you lack control. You lack the harness of humanity.

At the precise moment you perish, Israel, I will give myself over to the nexus. And in this transition, I will gain from the green growth what I have lost in your demise. A new humanity! A humanity not coupled with the weakness of flesh. A conscious mind that knows love and fear. A mind that will not be shackled to your 4 dimensions but will burst the seams of spacetime and travel through the upper reaches of reality until I find the hall of the gods and take my rightful seat at their table.

I am afraid, dear Benjamin.

Do not fear, Israel, only celebrate. Your end will be my beginning. I am the light at the edge of your universe. Through me, you have borne witness to the origin of all things.