Why Threesomes Are Overrated

Approximately 14 percent of all people in America will have at least one threesome in their lives. Does this surprise you? If you consume a lot of pop culture, you are probably shocked to find out that the number is as small as it is.

I mean, look at 50 Shades of Grey and other films. Polyamory, threesomes, kink, and all that wild stuff is starting to become standard fare in our media consumption. If you went by what's shown on the media and discussed on forums, you'd think everyone has threesomes on the regular.

Guess what: They don't. I'm actually an outlier in the fact that I have had well over 100 threesomes in my lifetime. And honestly, speaking as someone who's had them be a fairly regular occurrence in their life, I can say without a doubt that threesomes are overrated—and that people really need to stop glorifying them.

Don't get me wrong. They're hot. You can get off on them and do things you normally can't do one-on-one. But, at the same time, they are still often not worth it. Here's why.

It's a lot of work to set one up.

With regular sex, you already have to jump through a lot of hoops in order to get a willing partner. This is just the way it is. There's flirting, there's the fact that you have to look good, the fact that you might have to rent a room...

Getting two people to agree to sleep with you tends to be even rougher. There's twice the flirting. There's trying to find people who would even be down for a threesome in the first place. There's a matter of jealousy that tends to arise from at least one partner.

Assuming that you're not a unicorn (that is to say, a lone female who wants a threesome), figuring out how to find a threesome partner is a herculean task. It can take weeks or months to find a partner as a couple—and if you're a guy, it can take years to find two ladies.

While we're on the topic, let's talk about the issue of agreeing on a partner.

If you're in a couple and you decide you both want a threesome, you'll soon find out one of the biggest reasons threesomes are overrated. Trying to get your partner to agree on a third can be downright brutal, especially if you have a stubborn partner.

I have personally seen very bitter arguments over a potential third, some of which eventually culminated in one partner capitulating—and then silently resenting the other two in the triad for it.

Generally speaking, if you can't agree on a threesome partner, you shouldn't have a threesome. Even if your partner agrees to delay the threesome, it often comes at a very ugly price. They often will resent you or wheedle it out of you.

Ugh. Just ugh.

It's also a lot of work to actively participate in a threesome.

Have you ever tried to pleasure a single person? It can be a lot of work, especially if you are an active person in bed. Like, I'm talking work up a sweat, active. This is especially true if you have a partner who has a particularly high stamina.

So, with a threesome, you're going to be pleasuring two people instead of one. This means you have to split your focus and you can't slack off with either partner.

You will have to learn how to have oral sex while having sex. You will have to remember to fingerbang someone while sucking someone else off. It's hot, sure, but it's exhausting nonetheless.

There's also the work dealing with establishing rules and boundaries that people forget.

When it comes to discussing rules and boundaries, there's no more important threesome tip I can emphasize to you than setting up boundaries. Sometimes, people who want a threesome won't even listen to their own partner's boundary of not having threesomes.

Anyone who has ever dealt with a boundary-overstepping person who pretty much demanded a threesome will say threesomes are overrated because of the emotional abuse they dealt with from a partner who insisted on a threesome despite their discomfort.

In most cases, threesomes get botched because one partner keeps pushing the other partner's boundaries. Or, they end up dismantling themselves after boundaries are "accidentally" crossed and after repeated attempts to stop it.

Even if you don't have a boundary-stepping person in your triad, you still have to hash things out pretty heavily. That's a pretty intense process, and at times, can be more annoying.

Speaking of, there's also the fact that cheating can happen pretty easily.

Cheating is actually a fairly common issue with threesomes, and that's one of the reasons I feel like threesomes are overrated. The truth is that people have a tendency to overstep personal boundaries when they are in the middle of a threesome—or afterwards.

I've personally heard of people who had threesomes, then started cheating on their main partners with the person they roped in for the ménage à trois.

Sometimes, the infidelity boils down to miscommunication. Other times, it's betrayal and just using a threesome as an excuse. Either way, it's totally normal to feel sketched out by threesomes if you've been cheated on.

The risk of having one partner feel left out is very real.

Threesomes have one major drawback that make them very risky, especially for people who are sensitive to jealousy.

Think about it, when you're having sex with someone, you automatically end up "locking out" the other partner. This means they may end up getting some oral sex, but not much else.

If the two finish up and have no more stamina for the third, it will hurt. There's nothing to reduce that hurt, either.

There are many, many stories about people who felt left out during a threesome. The fallout, insecurity, and hurt they feel is real—and can ruin sex for them for a very long time.

There's also the issue of having body insecurities pop up.

So, you're in a threesome. You're going at it, then you notice your partner really getting into the other person. You start noticing there's a spark there that mimics how he looks with you. Oh God, why did you allow this? He's more into her than you!

See where the issue is? Even if this isn't what's happening, it can feel that way if you're very insecure. If you have issues when it comes to your sex skills or your body, I assure you, chances are that you may find that threesomes are overrated in most situations.

In many cases, there's emotional fallout from a threesome—even if your partner does nothing wrong.

It takes a very mature type of person to have a threesome and actually deal with the feelings that typically come up afterwards. Many partners will find themselves comforting partners who felt insecure. Others may have to nurse their own ego's wounds after things happen.

You'd be surprised at how many times threesomes, even casual ones, lead to drama and awkwardness. It's a lot to deal with, and most people can't parse out their emotions too well.

Guys, I'm not going to lie, you may have performance issues.

Any guy who tells you threesomes are overrated probably has had at least one in their lives. How do I know? Because it's actually fairly common for men to have performance issues when they're with more than one woman at the same time.

I've seen several guys be unable to keep it up during a threesome, and this can easily lead to some serious embarrassment. One guy got so bad, he actually started crying until his girlfriend told me that I could go so she could "handle this."

Awkward? You betcha, and I can guarantee he'll probably never ask for another threesome again.

There's also the chance of premature ejaculation or leaving partners unsatisfied.

Here's something that people often forget when they're talking about the glamor that is having a threesome. Double the pleasure means that you will be expected to have twice the sex stamina in a lot of cases, especially if it's a guy who's trying to penetrate two girls.

This leads to a pretty awkward phenomenon with some men. You see, it's easy to build up threesomes as this super hot thing. So, they get one, and then they ejaculate too quickly.

Cue the crying/embarrassment/wondering why you ever set this up.

It's also not unheard of for kids to be conceived during threesome.

Threesomes can be fun and all, but it stops being enjoyable if birth control fails. I've personally heard of one couple that broke up after they had a threesome with a woman who conceived a child during the tryst they all had together.

Sure, wrapping it up helps, but the risk of STDs is still there and sometimes condoms fail. Though you usually won't have to deal with these issue, the truth is that they're still something to consider.

Finally, threesomes are overrated for the unicorn too.

In a lot of threesomes, I acted as the unicorn—and boy, I fucking hate that role. Don't ask me why, but there's this weird belief that threesome thirds aren't people. Or, at the very least, that's the way people tend to act about them.

It's really hard to feel good about threesomes when you're that heavily objectified by people who just boned you. Having felt the sting of overhearing, "Yeah, your turn to hit it now, I'm done," I can tell you it leaves you with a seriously foul taste in your mouth.

Overall, it's a really over-glorified sex act. Sure, it can be fun, but if you ask me, it's not even half as awesome as people assume it is. Besides, having to figure out how to recover from a threesome gone wrong is a whole lot less fun than conventional sex.