When You’re Sexually Attracted to a Friend
How to Deal and What to Do
It’s something that’s probably happened to everyone at one point or another. One minute, you have the same awesome relationship with a friend that you’ve always had. Then suddenly you find yourself noticing things about them on a level that’s more than simply friendly. Maybe that leads to some strange (but very sexy) fantasies or daydreams about them.
Before you know it, there’s no easy way to hide it from yourself anymore. You’re sexually attracted to your friend. So now what? The good news is, this is something that happens to just about everyone and it’s very common. It’s also common for even truly powerful attractions to disappear as quickly as they materialized in the first place. What’s not so easy is figuring out what to do next. Here are some things to keep in mind.
Even casual sex can be complicated.
If you’re a sex-positive person who prefers a more casual approach to sex and relationships, you may find yourself thinking “why not” when it comes to a possible roll in the hay with your friend. You and your friends are adults, so there’s no reason you can’t do whatever you want. It’s just that sex has a way of complicating things between friends, even when it is casually approached from an innocent place.
It’s about more than just getting naked and doing something that feels good with someone you seriously like. It’s a major happening that will change the dynamic between the two of you from that day on, so think things through before deciding to act on your attraction.
Knowing how deep the feelings run is critical.
When you’re good friends with someone, it becomes hard to imagine your life without them, so it’s not that uncommon to start wondering whether there’s something more to your connection (or whether there could be). It’s a good idea to think things through and figure out whether that might be the case for you though.
Is this just a little harmless physical attraction with nothing more to it or your feelings deeper than that? If you do find you’re also emotionally attracted to your friend, it’s time to do some thinking. Sometimes the potential of a deeper relationship can make taking the plunge worth it, but many times people decide the friendship means too much to them to risk it.
Sexual feelings don’t always mean anything.
They rarely do. It’s easier than most people realize to develop an attraction out of the blue, especially to someone they already like on another level. Sometimes a person’s deeper feelings simply latch onto whoever happens to be close by, especially friends or other people we spend a lot of time with.
A sexy dream or even a couple of random fantasies about someone you know while you’re getting up close and personal with your favorite vibrator the Cadenza don’t mean as much as you might think. Sometimes you’re just a horny person with a friend who happens to be attractive. Other times, this is your brain’s way of saying it’s ready to be in a relationship, so it “practices” with someone you’re emotionally comfortable with.
If you’re not sure whether this is the case for you, try waiting a while and seeing what happens. Passing sexual feelings with no real basis in something deeper just go away. It’s much better to stop a moment and see whether this might be the case before risking a friendship that’s important to you, right?
Consider how they’re likely to react.
If you do decide your feelings run deep enough to take a gamble, keep in mind that there are two people involved here. Your friend may or may not see things the same way you do. Although lots of people sometimes play with the idea of dating or sleeping with a friend, there’s no guarantee that your friend has done this with you or would want to go through with it if they have. They may also value what you already have far too much to risk losing it.
That said, proceed with caution and with the understanding that they might not react the way you expect. Sure, they might respond to your confession with a similar one of their own. However, they could also be horrified, upset, disgusted, or just plain uncomfortable. They could laugh or think you’re joking… or the two of you could wind up living happily ever after. Be prepared for any or all of those things.
At the end of the day, it’s easy to panic when you realize you’re obsessed with the idea of getting down and dirty with a friend, but there’s no need. Whatever the source of your feelings, know that they’re normal and natural. Accept them for what they are, whether or not you ultimately. decide to act on them.