What Women Won’t Tell You about Masturbation (But You Need To Know).

A little DIY is a girl’s best friend.

What Women Won’t Tell You about Masturbation (But You Need To Know).
Photo by Dainis Graveris on Unsplash

Screw diamonds, a little DIY is a girl’s best friend.

That said, the subject of female masturbation is shrouded in mystery and is considered taboo to be discussed openly. And that is because we are taught that women’s sexuality only exists for other people.

We are often led to believe that women are exotic creatures rather than fellow humans to empathize with. That artificial division gives the concept of women’s sexuality as a spectacle for others, rather than a basic need of life.

And depictions of women masturbating are either pornographic or part of some narrative of feminist empowerment, make it seem like a big extravaganza to be appreciated. From Shannon Elizabeth’s sensual undressing and body caressing in American Pie to Joan Allen’s breathy gasps in Pleasantville, women’s masturbation is showcased to be a voyeur’s delight.

And people are surprised when women treat masturbation as a normal, everyday activity. They do masturbate regularly and the stats prove it.

Research shows most women over the age of 18 have masturbated at least once, but few women do so routinely. A study was conducted by Arizona State University on 20 women of varying age, ethnicity, and sexual orientation. The results are definitely interesting.

All 20 women admitted to having rubbed the nub at least once in their lives, and some even said they do it at least once a day. Another interesting study — the Gossard Big M Survey (2008) — found that 9 out of 10 women romance thy own, and many do it as much as three times a week.

“The majority of women have done it,” says healthcare author, Debby Herbenick. “But a lot of women are still raised with the idea that it makes you ‘slutty’ or ‘oversexed’ in some way to be interested in sexual pleasure.”

And there are multiple reasons behind it. From religion to societal stigma, there are innumerable ways in which this subject is pushed under the carpet. For many religious women (and men), masturbation is not just stigmatized — it is forbidden. And when devout members of religions that ban masturbation do engage in it, they often suffer from feelings of intense shame and guilt.

And the root cause is ignorance. Men (and women) are simply under-educated about masturbation. Women “give in” for not doing it because they do not know how and men end up imbibing stupendous myths about female masturbation, from which they are unable to break the shackles.

And here are some good things we really need to know about the female masturbation.

It Reduces Menstrual Cramps.

It is simple. Orgasms achieved through masturbation release the endorphins dopamine and oxytocin, which can improve a woman’s mood and create a natural high.

The intensity of having an orgasm and the hormones that are released during arousal can ease some of the pain of cramping.

So if she is having a uterine contraction while self-stimulating, it can help menstrual blood come out faster… and it is definitely going to help with cramps. Masturbation helps people sleep the same way reading a book before bed does — you feel calm and relaxed after.

She becomes more comfortable with her body and this makes her happy.

It is No Big Deal.

“Lights off, all eyes and ears open — she’s about to masturbate!”

Sometimes it feels like the above announcement is playing every time a woman masturbates. There’s such a big show made of women’s masturbation in porn and the rare movie where it is depicted.

Take, for example, actor Swara Bhaskar’s role in Bollywood movie Veera Di Wedding. The actor was viciously trolled across social media for depicting masturbation on screen. She was threatened and sullied in public forums.

When men masturbate in the movies, it has not usually optimized for the audience’s arousal or made to look dainty and beautiful. The depiction of women masturbation is made as a spectacle because people believe that men masturbate in response to their own desire, whereas women do to evoke others’ desires.

Nothing can be further away from the truth. The depiction of women’s masturbation as a performative act leads them to objectify themselves even while they masturbate, a time, which is strictly intended to think about only themselves and nothing else.

Masturbation for most women is as commonplace and necessary as brushing teeth. It is a no-frills, unromantic way to relieve tension or even to set the stage for a great day. Let us keep it like that.

It Improves Sex Life.

Masturbation can make her sexually comfortable and confident.

“It puts you in touch with your desires and gives you the chance to get to know your own body,” says sexuality educator Yvonne K. Fulbright, Ph.D. “Experimenting with what feels good and makes you respond positively can lead to better sexual experiences, both alone and with a partner.”

There is a lot to say about a woman who is not afraid to get down and dirty with her own body. The newfound self-awareness will grant her a certain liberty that might have otherwise been dormant.

One thing is for sure: it makes her open-minded and possibly willing to experiment further. It helps her to stay sexual even when not having sex for long periods.

And if she is having trouble reaching orgasm, it is a private, stress-free way to try different types of touch and pressure to see what helps her climax her way to happiness.

She will rock (even harder) in bed.

The Clitoris Has The Starring Role.

For any women achieving orgasm through penetration is not the only option. The star of her body is the clitoris, which is only designed for pleasure.

That said, the clitoris is actually almost as big as a flaccid penis — about 4 inches, it is just that almost two-thirds of it is hidden from view. In addition, it grows as women age. And it’s only function to give a woman pleasure, with almost 8,000 nerve endings that are primed to explode if you treat it kindly.

And when women focus on their own pleasure, penetration is an afterthought. Some women do enjoy having something in the vagina (and/or anus) during masturbation but most focus mainly on the clitoris when achieving an orgasm is the goal.

And contrary to popular belief, masturbation won’t “Use Up” All of Her Orgasms. Women are not born with a finite set of orgasms….Men can rest assured; their sex life would not go kaput because of her masturbation.

Lastly, it is OK to Use Vibrators.

A woman who masturbates using a vibrator is perceived as sexually promiscuous as if she is engaging in masturbation to be like a porn star rather than simply to give herself pleasure. This is a dangerous myth, which needs to be trampled.

Vibrators aren’t a threat to penises. While the clitoris is made from the same types of tissues as the penis with the same sensitivities, much of the clitoris is under the surface. The result is that many women require the deeper stimulation that vibrators easily provide.

People think of vibrators as kinky sex toys, but they are not that. They are her “best friends”. Using a vibrator can make sex easier and more fun for many, many women, both with their partners and by themselves.

And coming to stats, 46% of women reported using vibrators most during masturbation and self-pleasure. Only a slightly less percentage of women, 37% actually, reported regularly using a vibrator with their sexual partner during intercourse. And surprisingly, a whopping 67% of both men and women agreed on the usage of vibrators to spice up their sex life.

That said, sexual experiences and orgasms come in all shapes and sizes, each one is different and should not compete with one another. Masturbation is a normal, enjoyable and healthy experience.

It’s time to put the taboo subject of women and masturbation to bed and realize a little menage a moi might be exactly what she needs to lead a happier life.

As Mokokoma Mokhonoana has rightly said.

“Happiness lies in the hand of the masturbator.”

humanity
Ravi Shankar Rajan
Ravi Shankar Rajan
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Ravi Shankar Rajan

Ravi Shankar Rajan is a program director working in Mumbai, India..He writes on a variety of subjects ranging from programming,leadership, creativity and even dabbles a bit in poetry.

See all posts by Ravi Shankar Rajan