What I’ve Learned About Men Since Stripping

Men.

Specifically, the ones that walk into strip clubs thinking they’re the only ones in the world who deserve to see your titties for free.

If I had to guess, I’d say they’ll fuck anyone if it’s even a hint of a sure thing.

Some, however, can be extremely shy and intimidated. These guys visit strip clubs to engage with women from afar. At first, I always thought when talking to them that they don’t like me. I would chat them up and they would stare blankly ahead. “Wow, I must be terrible,” I would think to myself.

I quickly learned that they are intimidated by me. Some men even tell me so. If they’re willing to confess that they’re scared of me, I can usually get them to loosen up and agree to do dances with me. Usually I can get them to do a lot. Once they feel comfortable, they pretty much fall in stripper love. This is a powerful chemical reaction in which men’s testosterone, the sound of blasting music, flashy lights, half naked women in dark rooms, and alcohol create a love potion too magical to resist. This is where a lot of money can be made. Remember, boys—if you want to save your money, never let yourself fall in love with a stripper. There are whole songs written about it. I know you’re humming along to T-Pain right now, aren’t ya?

I’ve also learned from the hours upon hours of listening to men talk about themselves, I’ve discovered a clue that helps me in my personal relationship. Little did I know, men will tell you exactly what they think if you just listen. Most of the time, I thought I had to pry to get guys to tell me their feelings… Turns out, they’ll tell you if you just shut up.

Ladies! Do not sit around wondering “How is he feeling? What is he thinking?” anymore. If your man gets a chance to talk about himself, he’ll usually use words like, “All I want is more head” or “my girlfriend is cool because she farts in front of me.” Simple things.

Overall, I’ve concluded that they’re animals. Pure animals.

I will admit the strip club is designed to make us rely on instinct and desire. The alcohol is flowing. The visual stimuli is overwhelming. It assists in people making decisions in an instant. That decision, in order to benefit the entertainer and club, should be “spend money.”

Want to get something from a guy? Here’s a tip: use body language. The head nod in the yes format is a perfect non verbal cue for them to agree on anything. It actually has a name. It is called the “Sullivan nod.” Used for mirroring, it signals to the other person that you’re on the same page and should continue to be agreeable with the person they’re talking to. It encourages positive interaction and bond. Help them help you get what you want by making them happy to do so.

Men’s relationships with women can be complicated. But bromances, that’s another example of simplicity. For example, when a guy is talking to another guy intensely, I leave them alone. That’s man friend time to either bond or compare themselves to one another to see who’s the alpha. Don’t chime in with your own conversationalism. Just be present yet aloof (contradictory, right? It is subtle). They want a bystander to watch them sometimes but mostly they just want to talk shit.

Once men walk in the door, they are considered customers. We provide a service. Our services and entertainment deserve to be compensated. They always have money—even if they say they don’t. I realized this the easy way and the hard way. I can either push them to spend it on me or watch them spend it on someone else. The latter option stings a little.

Some have very specific interests and fetishes in all areas you can imagine when it comes to women’s beauty. No avenue is untouched in terms of what men are looking for. Pubic hair/black girls/ stupid girls/ slutty girls/ smart girls… they know what they want and if you're “it” they’ll go out of their way to get it. I’ve had men straight up tell me, “Hey, you’re cool but I only like Asian girls with big boobs." Ok sir, I can’t argue with that now, can I! I’ve learned to rock what I've got and pass when I’m not their flavor. Like the great burlesque performer Dita Von Teese says, “You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there's still going to be somebody who hates peaches.”

Overall, I’ve noticed that men appreciate their relationships when they have them. Lots of married men are proud of their wives and boast about it. If they come in without their wives, they’re too guilt ridden to cheat. They’ll explain they find the titty bar “relaxing.” If they come in with their wives, they’re trying their damndest to make it work. They usually emphasize their need to please their wives and “not get into trouble.” Empathy and non-judgment run on both sides. I’ve seen couples get jealous while doing dances before and it is extremely uncomfortable. Trust me, the strip club is not the place to work out marital issues. I do enjoy seeing couples relish in the fun of strip clubs though. It makes me think about world peace.