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Unarranged

by Ariana Rose 9 months ago in relationships / fiction / erotic

A meeting never planned which nonetheless was meant to be

I saw him when I was already sitting at my table. I was too embarrassed to get up and tell the bartender that I’d switch places, especially as the bar was pretty full, with everyone bustling about, what with it being the only place close to the station that was still serving food at this hour. Besides, what if he saw me doing that? It’s always awkward when you’re dining alone and you see the person who you’ve always wanted to dine with. Chris was exactly that person.

A few moments passed and he didn’t look up from his newspaper. I was beginning to think he wouldn’t notice me, when it struck me that even if he did notice me, maybe he wouldn’t recognize me. I noticed that there weren’t any other personal belongings at the table except for the luggage that seemed his, and I consciously felt my shoulders straighten a little at the thought of him dining alone as well. I wondered if he was eating alone because he had nobody or because of time constrictions. I was there because my train had been cancelled, and just then the idea of fate made my heart soar.

I took my eyes off him just as the waitress came up with my cutlery.

‘A sight, ain’t he?’ She said with a wink.

‘He still is,’ I caught myself whispering.

‘Oh, you know him, do you?’

‘From another life, probably,’ I shrugged.

‘Maybe it’s a time for reencounters,’ the waitress said, stealing a glance at Chris. ‘Your food will be ready soon.’

As she left, I consciously rearranged my scarf over my breasts, carefully covering my nipples, which had gone hard with recognition, excited at the thought of fate. I was wearing a very low-cut wraparound dress with no bra on, fully intent on showing off as I travelled back home from, finally, after several months of castings, a formal modelling gig. After the painful events of the past few years, I was intending to feel proud of myself and show off as much as I could, no shame, no remorse. I still had a bit of work to do, it seemed, if seeing someone from my past made me feel like I needed to hide again.

I turned my eyes towards Chris and found him looking back at me with his hazel eyes turned green by the teal sweater he wore, which showed off his very well sculpted upper body.

‘It’s always sad to eat alone,’ he said. ‘Mind if I join you?’

I couldn’t help my heart from skipping a beat. I told him to feel free to sit with me. And my voice squeaked as a twelve-year-old’s might when confronted with her first crush.

‘Chris,’ he said, and gave me his hand to shake.

My skin tingled at the touch of his and I told him my name in with a lump in my throat that I deeply hoped he wouldn’t notice. He raised his eyebrows.

He effortlessly shifted his luggage and put it next to mine as the waitress brought my plate. She stole a quick wink at me as she set it down. ‘I see you’ve joined tables. I’ll be right back with your food, sir.’

Chris thanked the waitress, with a smile, and turned back to me as he sat down, only the corner of the table standing between us.

‘Call me crazy,’ he said, ‘but I feel like we’ve met before.’

My heart sank, but I tried my best to remain cool.

‘Maybe from another life,’ I said.

His laugh was as perfect as it had always been.

‘Maybe,’ he said. ‘So, what brings you to Brooklyn?’

‘I’m modelling for a new City Council education campaign,’ I said. ‘I can’t really say much because of confidentiality, but I’m happy to support them after everything that’s been happening over the past few years, what with the election and the pandemic. It’s nothing fancy, nothing glamorous, but it’s work, you know?’ I took a breath and the waitress appeared with his plate. ‘I’m sorry, I’m rambling…’

‘That’s fine, I’m enjoying listening to you,’ he said, and thanked the waitress.

I took a sip of my coffee and forced myself to look him in the eye.

‘What are you doing in Brooklyn?’

‘Business. I’m a sports agent. I wanted to be a professional wrestler. Big dream of going to the Olympics, you know? But my knee busted during a match, which cut my time short at the UofM, and now I’m an agent.’

‘Oh! I’m sorry to hear that. You look like you’re in a pretty good shape; you must have been really good when you were competing.’

‘Not to brag, but I was.’

‘And why is your new athlete not here with you tonight?’

‘He and his wife are celebrating their anniversary.’

I smiled. ‘Well, lucky for me, then,’ the words were out before I could stop them.

The next couple of hours were gone in an instant. I told him about the different projects I’d modelled in since I’d moved to New York from Ann Arbor some years before, mostly low paid local adverts and indie photographers experimenting with all kinds of styles, sets and props, and he told me about all of the important athletes he’d had business with. My eyes kept dancing around his body, though I attempted to conceal it, but the lines of his hands, the muscles on his neck, the sway of his shoulders as he talked, his legs and his hips as he shifted, so close to me, and yet so far, everything was about him was calling out to be appraised and admired by me. I could tell my nipples were hard all the while, and I kept shifting my scarf, hoping in equal measures that he had and hadn’t noticed. He had taken notice, all right, attempting not to be too obvious, and his eyes had travelled around my body just as mine had on his. I welcomed his eyes on my body, a magnificent reward after all the pain I’d gone through, and I was trying hard not to fall into the regression which had kept me tied up so many years.

‘It’s odd that you’re also from Ann Arbor,’ he said. ‘I’ve not kept in touch with most people from there.’

‘Oh?’

‘Nothing personal, just life getting in the way,’ he took a swig of his drink. ‘Except for one which was a misunderstanding, a particular girl, a girl with your… name…’

He was quiet for a moment. Then he smiled and his dimples seemed to be calling me to kiss him on the spot. ‘I really don’t want to talk about broken hearts, though.’

Broken hearts? Had I broken his heart? For the longest time I’d assumed he had barely noticed me back then.

‘Just out of curiosity,’ I said, ‘you’re an amazing guy, why are you still single?’

He gave a sharp laugh and then sighed before looking at me squarely in the eyes. ‘Seems like I’m too good a guy.’

Then he laughed again. I nodded encouragingly, but he shook his head.

‘I’m sorry,’ he said. ‘That came out as arrogant. I’ve had three important relationships in my life. I was almost married once, but she cheated on me with my best friend. Almost like a bad drama. Anyway, I’m still looking.’

‘I can’t imagine anyone wanting to cheat on you,’ I said. ‘You and I seem to be on the same boat,’ I took his hand over the table and gave it a squeeze.

Then an impulse overtook me and I gave in without a second thought. I leaned over and put my lips to his. He responded to the kiss and our tongues met without apologies. For a moment I forgot that we had not seen each other in fifteen years, or that he had not even recognized me during this entire time. I just let go and enjoyed the feeling of the kiss.

But then I let him go.

‘Long distance doesn’t work for me,’ I said. ‘I’m so sorry…’

He smiled with equal glee and sorrow and caressed my hair, my cheek, the line of my jaw. Then he kissed me again.

Against my better judgement, I gave in, relishing the moment.

‘How is it that you haven’t recognized me?’ he whispered, caressing my cheek. ‘Or am I just being arrogant in thinking that you’d still be thinking of me fifteen years later?’

I could tell he was reading the surprise in my eyes. I shook my head and put my finger to his lips. ‘I thought it was you who hadn’t recognized me!’

‘I thought you looked familiar, which is why I invited myself over to your table, and the moment I realized it was you I kept thinking of ways to let you know I knew you but I didn’t think you-d recognized me, so I—’

I stilled his lips again with a kiss.

The barman called last orders and I looked behind us to find the waitress looking at us with a knowing smile on her face.

‘I’m staying close by,’ Chris said. ‘Do you want to… I mean…’

‘Chris, we’re both adults. It feels like time hasn’t passed, but it has, we’ve grown up. And yes, I want to.’

We grabbed our cases, and stepped out into the chilly avenue. Chris led me to a fancy hotel just past Broadway Junction. We got into the elevator and he put his arms around me while I enjoyed our reflection staring back at us from the mirrors as the doors closed. He was nearly a head taller than me and I leaned back against his shoulder. I wondered how he had recognised me at all, given the mess I had been during middle school. I started feeling hot, so I opened my coat and he smiled at the sight. He slid his hand down my side as he watched me watch us: his hand that I had daydreamt of for years when I was a hopeless teenager, always wondering if he even remembered me after I moved away from Ann Arbor; his hand sliding down my waist, my hip, my thigh. He kissed my neck and I leant back against him, feeling the shape of his body against mine, so clear in my senses even with our coats between us; his toned body, that I imagined so often but never dared undress in my mind, now allowing me to feel every inch of him pressed against me. I noticed how his eyes ere fixed on my nipples as they showed hard underneath the fabric of my dress in my reflection, and I felt a rush of electricity travel between my nipples and my crotch.

He lifted his hands back up my body as we both watched our reflection, panting softly, paused at the point just below my breasts and kissed my neck again. Then he stared directly at my eyes as he cupped both my breasts, massaging my nipples with his thumbs. I exhaled a breath I hadn’t even realised I had been holding, feeling myself get wet, feeling him get hard against my butt. I pressed my butt against his crotch as we watched his hands play with my cleavage in the reflection, teasing both of us, his fingers going briefly inwards as my body responded, pulling the fabric gently down as I blushed. It wasn’t like in the movies, though, where the characters are given a free pass to go for it without any repercussion, this was real life, and we were in an elevator, where real people could walk in at any time, where we were likely being recorded on CCTV. Chris was playing with my breasts, with my nipples, in a public place, likely recorded on a security camera, and it somehow made me even wetter. He was pulling the fabric down now, about to share my nipples with anyone who walked into the lift, with anyone who looked at the security footage. I watched as one of my nipples showed in our reflection, then the other. He was so hard now, and I pressed myself more against him, moaning in complete ecstasy.

Then the elevator stopped and the doors opened. Our reflection disappeared to give way to a hallway where two businessmen were talking as they held their room doors open. They looked our way as Chris covered my breasts again with the dress. It was our floor. The two men shared a glance as we walked out of the lift and headed to our door, Chris helping me with my luggage as I fixed my coat. They mumbled something lewd as we approached between them.

‘Evening, gentlemen,’ Chris said.

The two men, taken by surprise, wished us a good evening in return, one without avoiding remarking on his appraisal for me, which I was completely not used to. I glanced at Chris and saw him biting his lip, a twinkle in his eye. I stopped fumbling with my coat and left it open, giving the two men an eyeful of my still hard nipples under the thin fabric of my dress as we passed, fully conscious of their eyes on me, and I lifted my shoulders higher, owning it.

‘Here we are, honey,’ Chris said, stopping a few doors down from the gawping businessmen. He opened the door and turned to me, finding me standing with my back straight and my cleavage in full display. He swallowed hard in total desire, conscious of the other two men’s eyes on us, on me.

I put my hands behind his neck and pulled him to me, knowing that the movement made my breasts push together and possibly one or both of my nipples flash out as I kissed Chris, slowly and deeply. His moan of satisfaction was clearly audible, as were the ones the two men professed in what seemed to be longing.

Anyone who says that women don’t like to show off or that it’s wrong for a woman to enjoy being enjoyed is wrong. A woman can want that as much as a man, and I was one of those women. After all the pain and despair, I deserved to be one of those women, and now, with Chris, I had nothing to lose, so I took the chance. And the look on his face was priceless. He put his hand on the small of my back as I walked into the room, knowing full well that I was defiantly watching the two men watch me, and then, from the inside of his room, I could see Chris looking back at them in satisfaction. He nodded cordially at them as he brought our luggage in, and as he closed the door I heard one of the men say ‘I don’t think we’ll get much sleep tonight, man,’ and both of them chuckle.

Chris stood for a few moments as he took off his coat, looking at me in delight, taking me in, as if making sure the moment lasted forever.

He walked up to me, took my hand in his, brought me in for a kiss, and I could tell he was smiling, even trying not to laugh.

‘What?’ I put my hand on his cheek, trying not to giggle myself. I felt high with power and excitement.

‘I thought we were going to get into trouble,’ he said.

I nodded, and we both giggled. ‘Me too!’

‘Is it wrong that I enjoyed it, though?’ he said, putting his arms around me, his nose to my nose.

‘Oh, I enjoyed it too,’ I said, biting his lip. ‘That makes us both wrong, then.’

He smiled broadly and bit my lip in return, ‘Is it wrong that it made me hornier than I already was?’

At that, my legs gave way and I let myself go into his arms, my face burrowing into his chest, the feel of his body making me hot and tingly all over. I reached up and started unbuttoning his shirt, opening the fabric to reveal his muscular chest. He sighed at my touch on his skin, I moved closer, exploring his chest, his abdomen, his shoulders, with my shaking hands. I hadn’t even noticed how much I was shaking until I came into contact with his skin, delirious with desire contained for so many years. I let my hands slide down to his biceps and his shirt slid down with the movement. He let me take it off, biting his lip as he watched me enjoy him, his eyes on my face, on my hands, on my breasts which kept threatening to come out of my dress with every movement I made and every deep breath I took. I was very aware of my nipples, still hard of course, flashing out at certain times, and I was very aware of Chris’s breath catching when it happened, of his hands reaching over to my breasts, and of his excited groans every time I pushed them away so I could carry on with my exploration of his upper body.

Then he grabbed my shoulders and held me at arm’s length, grinning as he ran his eyes over the curves of my body. Once again I felt like I was regressing, feeling again like that chubby girl who was mocked and bullied, and something must have shown in my eyes because he took my chin softly and planted a soft kiss on my lips.

He looked me straight in the eye, still gently holding my face up. ‘Sandy, I always thought you were the most gorgeous girl in school,’ he said. ‘And you’re definitely the most gorgeous woman I’ve ever seen.’

I let him take my coat off and caught my breath as it fell to the floor with a thud. His hands returned to my breasts, pressing softly, caressing, and playing with the cleavage, his eyes gleaming that light which I already felt like I had been able to enjoy my whole life. He bit his lip with desire as he reached behind my back to unwrap the wraparound, pulling to one side and uncovering my left breast. The way he relished at the sight made me lift myself even higher, arching my back, displaying myself, enjoying this reaction so much I could feel electricity travelling between my nipples and my crotch again, desiring him so much, wanting him to enter me like I had never wanted anyone before. He clearly felt the same, for he pressed his hips against me, letting me feel his erection, threw his head back in ecstasy, and cupped my breast. The sounds of his pleasure were just as enticing as what he was doing with his hands. He looked at me again as he massaged my breasts more, now reaching to pull the dress off the other side as well.

And as he opened the dress, revealing my torso in full, my heavy breasts, my ribcage, my waist, I remembered that my leggings did not entirely cover the scar. My hands automatically covered my belly, and Chris looked thoughtful for a moment, recognition dawning in his eyes. He shook his head with sympathy and lifted my hands in the most caring way I had ever thought anyone could ever treat anyone. It had never happened like this – I’d only dated a handful of times after the tragedy, and then I’d always been able to speak about my loss before getting to this moment. Chris kissed the tips of my scar and lifted my arms as he straightened, watching my body in detail, following every curve with such a smile on his lips that I just wanted to rip the rest of his clothes off right then and there. I could feel my knees weaken again as he slid the dress of my shoulders, grabbing my ass in the process and lifting me up in such a way that made me straddle him. I could feel his erection right between my legs, and we both groaned loudly, in absolute lust.

He swirled us around and walked to the bed, and I could see his back in the mirror, broad and muscular and elegant all at once. I relished in our reflection as this time my hands travelled up and down his body, grabbing his ass and pulling him even closer to me before he laid me down on the bed. He lifted my leg up and then the other to take off my boots, two satisfactory thumps following the movements, before reaching down again and pulling my leggings off.

I watched him caress the length of my leg, and then the other, and I caressed his shoulder with the tips of my toes, my red nail polish providing a lush, glamorous effect. He opened my legs and touched my crotch over the mesh fabric of my panties, making me jump and scream in pleasure. I knew he could feel how wet I was, and that made me feel even higher with desire. I steadied his hand, though, because I knew that as soon as I came I would want him to go into me without anything in the way, and I knelt on the bed to undo his belt. He lifted his arms, his hands behind his neck, grinning with satisfaction.

‘Oh, God,’ I bit my lip, taking in his perfectly sculpted chest, the shape of his shoulders, his arms where I felt so safe. The electricity travelling between my legs called me back into action and I started working on his belt, on his fly, my eyes darting from his crotch, to his chest, to his arms, to his back in the mirror, to his glorious butt in the process of being uncovered, to his grin that made me want to bite his lip, to his crotch back again as I uncovered the bulge that I was so eager to see. There was just so much to look at, so much to enjoy, so much to grab, and I wanted it all. I wanted him.

I pressed myself against his waist to watch our reflection in the mirror as I took his underwear off, revealing the most magnificent bottom I ever thought any man could ever have, so tight and full I moaned in pleasure, then I felt his hard penis slap against my breasts as it was released from his underwear and we both moaned together, loud and sumptuously. I tightened my hands on his butt as we both panted, another rush of electricity running between my nipples and my clit, my entire body trembling, feeling myself getting even wetter if that was even possible!

He somehow grabbed my butt and swung both of us around again so that he was sitting on the bed and I had my knees just around his hips. I had automatically reached around his neck when he’d swung us around, so I my breasts were just below his face, although his eyes were on my ass on the mirror behind me, very clearly appreciating what he could see underneath the see-through mesh. His hands went down and I lifted myself up as he pulled the panties down. Now it was his turn to not know where to look at, between my full breasts right in front of his face and my bare ass in the mirror, and his hands were doing the same, going back and forth all around my body. I panted and gasped and screamed as he explored with absolute glee, as he kissed my breasts, looking up to my eyes as he licked my nipples and he saw me watching his tongue flick up and down, making me jump with each movement, grabbing at his shoulders, his hair, his arms, until he made me come and scream and come again. I knelt back down and kissed him deeply and longingly, wanting him inside of me like I knew I would just after comin g, but wanting something first, for him to finish what he had started before I pulled down his trousers.

And he obliged, boy, did he oblige! He limberly took the rest of this clothes off and threw my panties across the room as I sat in front of him, leaning on my elbows with my legs open. He stood at the foot of the bed, tall and proud, fully erect and glorious, like a tantalizing Adonis, and allowed me to savor the sight of every inch of him, front and back, as the mirror offered me the advantage of. He also let his eyes wander all over my body, making me tremble with anticipation, and, I will freely admit, with the power that I exerted over him. After a succulent devouring of each other with our eyes, his sight rested right between my legs, and his hand reached to touch the soft mound of hair, gently opening the folds of my vulva, softly passing his middle finger through the space, making me arch my back in sublime ecstasy again, moaning, yes! Screaming in contentment, yes! And he watched with avid attention, yes, yes, yes! It was like he read my mind, because he used one hand to open me up so that my clitoris was in full display, and the other to gently flick so I trembled more and more from head to toe as he picked up speed and the pleasure rose back up to my nipples, riding in waves all over my body, making me come again in an explosion of satisfaction and renewed lust, which, when I pleaded for him to enter me, he made even stronger when he inserted his finger into me, making me arch my whole body in a way I had never experienced, coming again as he worked his way inside of me.

‘Oh, yes, yes yes!’

I could tell he was enjoying the rise and fall of my breasts just as much as anything else. I could tell this was as amazing for him it was for me, and in a wave of crazy longing I reached out between his legs and grabbed his penis in my hand, feeling his full length, so hard and thick and powerful that it made me come again just at the sensation. He yelled out, too, his face contorted in exquisite pleasure, grinning as he vocally released his feelings, calling me glorious, Goddess, divine.

‘I want you inside of me,’ I whispered. ‘Oh, Chris, I want you inside of me!’

He nodded at my yell, and I could tell that the same thing passed through his eyes as it did me, but as we locked eyes we both understood the mutual trust, the longing of a lifetime of wishing and remembering, and he slid inside of me, powerful and rewarding, and we both yelled in unison at the moment of absolute giving into each other. I was coming stronger than I had ever before, wondering how it was that I had never experienced such a thing. I looked into his eyes and read that he felt something similar, and I wrapped my whole body around his, moving my hips along with his and letting him thrust deeper into me in a steady rhythm that made us both moan again and again until I came again.

I had to lay back on the bed, letting the waves of pleasure overtake me, seeing stars in the ceiling as I grabbed on to his arm with one hand and his butt with the other, and I let my eyes travel all over him again, enjoying the impressive view from the mirror, too – and then I noticed that in the reflection I could actually see him entering me. A new rush of excitement flowed all over me at the sight. I planted my feet on the bed and lifted my hips, then watched in pleasure as his magnificent ass lifted up and down, his incredible penis going in and out, my vulva taking him in and our hips moving in unison. He caught me watching and turned to see what it was that had me hypnotized, and yelled out in pleasure himself as he witnessed our union like I was, which exited him even more and he sped up his movements, making me arch my back again and come loudly and vibrantly. He grabbed my hand as I stretched out my arm on the bed cover, bent down slightly to kiss my breasts as I relaxed.

He kissed me gently and smiled, his eyes twinkling, then he lifted me with that ease which only strength like his allows and, without sliding out, turned us over so I was straddling him while he sat at the foot of the bed. His hands were going up and down my back as his eyes flicked between our reflection and my breasts right under his face. He cupped my breasts and kissed my nipples again as he started pumping, my hips instantly matching his movements and gaining speed as his hands went around my back and under my butt again. As I could feel myself coming I watched him enjoy the view of my breasts bouncing up and down, he buried his face in my chest for a moment, enjoying the movement, then continued watching, one hand coming up to one breast, then the other as he sped even more.

‘I love how those men looked at you with such desire,’ he said, licking my nipples. ‘I love knowing that they knew you were coming to bed with me.’ I yelled out in pleasure. He looked me in the eye as he massaged my nipple between his thumb and forefinger. ‘I love that you showed off to them. It made me feel powerful.’

‘It made me feel powerful too,’ I said, feeling the pleasure rise inside of me again.

‘And I love that,’ he said, holding my waist and burying his face between my breasts as I came again, screaming out his name and entwining my fingers in his golden hair.

I slowed down and lifted his face to look him in the eye. ‘You like that I show my body off to other men, then?’

He grinned, biting his lip. ‘To other people, to anyone who finds you desirable.’ He cupped my breasts, allowing my nipples to poke out between his fingers. ‘Which I’ll guess it’s everybody,’ he said, and licked my nipples to make me scream in pleasure again.

May hair had completely come down my bun by now, and it was cascading in black waves down my back. Chris collected the locks in his hands and, dimples showing deep, he said, ‘Do you want to see how we look when I take you from behind?’

With a grin to match his, I slid off his lap, feeling the pleasure of his penis even as it made its way out my body, and promptly knelt on the bed in all fours, watching him make his way around me and put his hands on my hips. I was so distracted by his physique, that it took me by surprise when I turned back to my reflection and saw my breasts hanging between my arms. Chris once again read my mind and bent over so he could cup my breasts, kissing my back as he did so, and said again, ‘Glorious!’

Then he entered me again, and it took me by surprise that I felt the same amount of pleasure than the first time, making me come instantly, as my vagina experienced something entirely new in the way the pleasure he gave me seemed constant. Chris’s length, hardness and thickness seemed to have been made specifically for me, for my measurements and my pleasure, and oh yes, I came again!

He slowed down to give us both time to enjoy the view in the mirror, his tall, muscular figure towering above me, his manly hands around my waist as he bent over to whisper my name in my ear, my breasts swinging between my arms, partly covered by the locks of hair which were now flowing freely down, both our faces awash with pure ecstasy, and then he picked up speed again. He reached over to move my hair out of the way, to allow the sight of my breasts swinging in motion with our hips, and he screamed my name.

‘I’m about to come,’ he said, finding my eyes in the mirror.

I understood the look, and I knew it was safe, and I screamed ‘Yes!’. It was not the first time I’d screamed yes that night, and it would not be the last, as I felt him gain even more speed than he had done all night.

‘I’m about to come inside of you…!’ He screamed my name as I felt his penis enlarge even more for a moment, throbbing, releasing inside of me.

‘Yes!’ I pressed my hips to him as I felt the flow of his pleasure inside of me, as I watched his face irradiate pure ecstasy and joy, as I felt his body tremble and relax into me. ‘Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!’ I screamed into our reflection.

And we collapsed on the bed.

*

I woke up about at about four o’clock, sweetly aware of Chris’s heartbeat in my ear, as my head rested on his chest and my arms surrounded his torso, our legs entangled still.

After our rapturous orgasm together, he’d called reception to make sure that I also had a breakfast voucher in the morning, saying that his girlfriend had been able to join him in the trip after all, asking them to make the arrangements needed for my comfort. I’d kissed him deeply and asked him if that was him making it official, and he’d said only if I wanted to. I’d been open and honest about my situation, the abuse I had escaped from, how I had reconstructed myself. He was sympathetic about it. We were aware that we’d have to have a long-distance relationship, which I had always been against, unless he moved to New York, which he admitted was enticing. He asked me to think about it, and we fell asleep after cuddling, talking, and kissing some more.

I looked at his face, the soft light of dawn caressing his cheek, and I followed it with my hand, watching him smile as my fingertips touched his lips. It was time to change some old mindsets.

relationshipsfictionerotic
Ariana Rose
Ariana Rose
Read next: A Night at the Theatre
Ariana Rose

Just a writer sublimizing some old desires...

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