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There are 5 Reasons You Aren't Having Sex

This is all a load of nonsense.

By Lora LimePublished 2 years ago 4 min read
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There are 5 Reasons You Aren't Having Sex
Photo by Dainis Graveris on Unsplash

I'd like to have more sex.

My fiancé and I are now going through a hard patch.

I've already blogged about this. I'm attempting to raise awareness of the idea that women may desire sex more than males. In my relationship, this is true.

It's difficult to deal with sexual droughts.

As a result, I do what anyone else would do.

To figure out why he might not want sex, I turn to the internet.

And the fact is that there are a plethora of nonsense excuses floating around.

Many of them shifted the responsibility to me.

None of them mentioned that it may be an erectile dysfunction problem, which is most certainly the case in my relationship.

So, if you've ever questioned why you're not having sex — whether you're in a relationship or not — and looked to the internet for answers, let me tell you that the following explanations are complete nonsense.

You don't have sex because you don't dress sexily enough.

Give me a break, please.

These publications implied that I wasn't deserving of sex since I wasn't waiting at home in lingerie every night.

The worst part is that I actually believed them.

I went out and got some underwear. I experimented with putting on extra makeup. I walked around the house in heels.

He complimented me on how beautiful I was, but it didn't lead to further sex.

It just served to increase my dissatisfaction.

Wearing lingerie and wearing "sexy" should be enjoyable rather than obligatory. It's not a technique to get more sex for less money. It's also incorrect to claim that.

Because you are not of the correct bodily size or form, you are unable to have sex.

It also stings to say that I believed in this one.

I didn't date for years because I was afraid I was too large.

I believed that unless I dropped weight, no one would desire me.

This, however, was a complete fabrication.

Despite my girth, I had no problems when I eventually chose to start dating. I had several fantastic dates. When I met my fiancé, I realized he adored me and wanted me to stay exactly as I was.

I'm afraid he'll change his mind at any moment.

But I'm well aware that this is nonsense.

No matter what size or shape you are, you are deserving of fantastic sex life.

You're not having sex with him because he's upset with you about anything.

This one is just plain rude, and I couldn't believe that was a legitimate recommendation when I first read it.

The idea that if he isn't having sex with me, I must have done something to irritate him is really poisonous.

I racked my head, trying to figure out what went wrong.

Then it dawned on me how insane I was driving myself.

It wasn't my fault in the least. And I'm familiar with my fiancé. He doesn't have any hidden animosities toward me. We communicate with each other.

It wasn't because I irritated him that we didn't have sex.

Because he/she is cheating on you, you are not having sex.

This one will be a lot of fun to work on.

You may be vulnerable even in the most solid of partnerships.

As a woman, I'm constantly informed that guys are always looking for sex. If he isn't having sex with me, he is most likely having sex with someone else.

This is another outright untruth.

I'm not implying that cheating isn't an option. Cheating is a reality.

However, it is incorrect to sow the seed of deceitful doubt where none exists.

My fiancé has never led me to believe that he is unfaithful. He's willing to talk. He tells me exactly where he is and when he will be there.

Until I read articles, I never suspected him. And that made me feel incredibly bad.

Because you're dull in bed, you're not having sex.

It's all because of me, once again.

Perhaps he isn't cheating on me but simply tired of our sex life.

I understand. Long-term partnerships can lead to stale sex.

But I'm at the prime of my sexual life right now. I'm willing to try new things as someone who hasn't had a lot of sexual partners or sex in general. I want a lot of sex in a variety of ways.

In bed, I'm not boring.

But it's possible that I will be one day.

That is what makes all of these recommendations so terrifying to me.

Even if he isn't having sex with me right now, I can express these options. One day, when I have a newborn infant and am covered in puke, I'll think of you.

I'm not going to wear any lingerie. I'm sure I'll be dull in bed. I'll have put on some baby weight.

Does this imply that I am deserving of less sex?

No, it does not. It's also a bad idea to sow the seed in the first place.

Do not allow someone to make you feel as if you are unworthy of sex.

Don't bother with the articles. If you don't want to have sex, talk to your spouse if you have one.

And if you don't have a partner, just go ahead and put yourself out there.

Screw the standards they're attempting to impose on us. You are not too large or too tiny, frumpy or sexy, ugly or beautiful, or anything else.

You are a human who is entitled to (consensual) sex.

fact or fiction
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About the Creator

Lora Lime

Writer and a Philosopher

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