Sexing Older Men: What I’ve Learned
Learning beneath the sheets
Back when I was a 20-year-old, I fucked men double my age. Some even older. All that fucking and mingling really gave me an inside look of older men, but obviously fucking a few of those men isn’t going to suddenly show me the inner workings of the whole older male population.
It wasn’t exactly my decision to fuck older men. From the first day that I stopped being mute (Read: Struggling with Mutism), I just kept attracting older men. Sure, there were the younger folks but none of them had the balls to just come and talk to me. Minus a few that were overtly aggressive, hinting greater problems than just aggressiveness.
To this day, it’s the same. The frustration that bubbles inside me when a younger guy and/or a similar-aged guy can’t even express themselves is enough for me to not want them. It doesn’t matter whether I make the first move or not, or even if we are talking.
As I started to touch older men, I was surprised by how similar their sexual tendencies are compared with the younger folks I’ve touched. They were inexperienced. It really showed me that one’s background and identity has nothing to do with how they are sexually. From fucking rich men to hot men and everything in between, they were all sexually inexperienced. The one guy who was experienced was only a few years older than me, and it’s because he dedicated time and practice towards sex. It was a part of his studies. All of these sexual experiences broke all of my naive ideas such as certain types of men sexually performing the best.
But beyond just what happens down the pants, I realized that many men are just the same. Intangible things like career success, money, and even experience are absolutely meaningless. If a man never learns from their past, they will always be that emotionally immature kid they were decades before. That’s what I noticed really often: it doesn’t matter how much time has passed by, how much a person has experienced, and even how much a person has achieved because if that man isn’t willing to learn, he has stunted himself. But after learning, they’ve still got to act on what they’ve discovered.
There’s one guy I’d never forget. Despite struggling with mental illnesses before and having gone to therapy for almost 20 years now, he still acts like the emotionally immature man that he probably was as when he first started therapy. His inability to communicate astounds me. He can send me a message saying he’d do something, forgets he sends it, I’m here waiting and checking in, then he makes it seem like I’m the problem for not “catching onto the conversation” even though I have all the physical proof he never did something he said he’d do. He also always declares his belief about something. Yet, he’s the one constantly acting against his beliefs. He basically talks as if he’s a wise, experienced man but what he does is to the contrary.
As I got to know this person more, I learned how to really pick up what someone is saying based on what they are saying and showing. There is body language. There is deciphering. Then there is the next level of “who is this person based on even the smallest dialogue?” At the end of all of it, I realized that for some people, things will never change. Long-term physical behavior can be useless. Someone who has gone to therapy for almost 20 years consistently and can regurgitate everything the therapist has said can still stay the same. What he’s heard in therapy is useless.
Fucking these older men made me realize that if there is someone out there who is a great partner, age definitely doesn’t matter. It’s the ability to observe, absorb, and progress that matters. It also showed me, someone who has hated herself for 24 years, that the one person I like the most is myself.