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Separate Bedroom Marriage Advice

Not just a sweet dream, having separate bedrooms has become solid marriage advice, and a boom for builders.

By Bea NortonPublished 7 years ago 6 min read

An amazing statistic has been popping up all over the news and social media. The National Association of Home Builders has reported that a majority of new, custom homes have what could be two master bedrooms. Two master bedrooms! What an amazing idea. That is just a sweet dream come true, pun intended. Historically, his and her bedrooms have been a part of many famous people’s pasts, including politicians and members of the Royal Family. Though, the reasons behind those bedrooms were sometimes naughty and not nice. A little bedroom marriage advice can go a long way.There are many positive reasons why the two room idea is a brilliant idea. It was back in 2005 when a National Sleep Foundation study let us all know that nearly one in four American couples slept in separate bedrooms or in separate beds and now those couples are building entire homes based on that premise. Well, maybe not those specific couples, but the couples who are lucky enough to be able to build a new home to their specific sleeping specifications. This gives a whole new meaning to “happy wife, happy life,” especially if that wife is happy in her own room. Here are the top four reasons why two master bedrooms are masterfully astounding.

Loud Snoring Shakes the Room

Imagine you are in a deep sleep, dreaming blissfully and suddenly, there is a train racing towards you. The noise is deafening and you are trying to run away from the train, but you cannot escape the sound. And then you wake up and realize that you are sleeping next to the train. The snoring is so loud that the whole room feels like it is shaking. What to do? Try to refrain from smothering this person with a pillow. There have been many late night posts on Facebook about this subject, “If I cover my husband’s face with a pillow will the snoring stop?” “Can I plead insanity if I kill my husband because of his snoring?” Let’s try to stay away from that course of action. Usually just kicking the snorer’s leg or gently hitting him with a pillow will get him (or her, though women are delicate creatures who do not snore) to stop. The other scenario is when you happen to get into bed after your partner is already sleeping. You fluff up your pillows, slide under the covers and close your eyes. As soon as you are about to drift off, the snoring begins. It is loud and obnoxious and it just won’t stop. Again, do not attempt to kill the individual making these horrid noises. Just shove him/her and pray that you fall asleep before the noises start again. It might be helpful to record the noises so when you confront the offender in the morning you have actual proof to play for them. “I don’t snore, what are you talking about,” cannot be used as a defense if you can play the recording. My marriage advice is separate bedrooms is the perfect solution. What if you can’t afford a whole new house for the snoring individual? Some people have a snoring room that they are banished to when the other needs a good night’s sleep. Whatever works!

Conjugal Visits Make for a Good Marriage

When you are young and naive you think that married couples have sex all the time. Granted, some of them do, but, alas, the majority do not. Everyone is tired between work, children, and life in general. But when, “Not tonight, dear,” becomes every night, Houston, we have a problem. Though it may seem that separate bedrooms would lend themselves to less communication, just the opposite may be true. Separate bedrooms have the power to bring back intimacy. Psychologists have done studies that show that absence really does make the heart grow fonder. Having that space within the same "home" space can actually be good for the marriage. When you have separate bedrooms, you need to make the time to spend together. Organize a date night or a sleepover. While it is nice to have your own space, it is also nice to share space with the one you love. And if you aren’t in the mood to spoon or cuddle when you are finished with your quality time, you are able to retreat to your separate room for a good night’s sleep. Knowing that your partner is still close by brings a sense of security, without feeling stifled. Of course if there are deep rooted problems in your marriage, separate bedrooms might also be the solution to keep from killing each other. If things are really bad, seek counseling. And if you live in a house with only one bedroom? Looks like someone is going to be sleeping on the couch until you makes things work.

The Family Bed Gets Crowded

This is a very controversial subject—kind’ve like nursing in public. There have been so many studies done on having a family bed. For those not familiar with this term, also referred to as co-sleeping, it is when infants and young children sleep in the same bed with their parents. The American Academy of Pediatrics is ok with room sharing, where everyone sleeps in the same room, but in their own space, but not necessarily bed sharing because with infants, there is a chance of the adult accidentally rolling over onto them and causing suffocation. Some say it is good for the older kids, some say it is bad for the older kids. Whatever it is, it is not good for a marriage. With two separate bedrooms, those who want the family bed can have it. There are some moms that feel that unless there is blood or vomit involved, no kid is allowed in her bed. The father, however, doesn’t spend as much time with the child because of work so he is all for it. Dad, the kids are all yours, mom’s door is closed and possibly locked. If you still only have the one master bedroom? Dad can go sleep in the kid’s room.

Everyone Needs Me Time

After a long day, everyone needs me time to unwind in their own space. Having your own bedroom is the perfect place to do that. You don’t have to worry about your spouse walking in, throwing his dirty laundry on your clean floor, smelling up the room with his manly smells—that is why he has is own room. Your laundry is where it should be. Your room smells just the way you want it. Not in the mood to talk? That is ok, close your door. Take a nap, take a hot bath in your own bathroom—it sounds like a little piece of heaven. There is nothing wrong with needing me-time. It helps keep you sane, healthy and mentally prepared to take on your family and your life. When you are ready to communicate with the rest of the world, you are able to do so in a relaxed state of mind. If you can afford it, why not do it?

Does this mean that in 10 years 100 percent of homes will be built with separate bedrooms? Could be, but if it works for you and your relationship, there is nothing wrong with that. And if you cannot afford to do it, turn his man-cave into a bedroom… he probably won't even notice!

advicefact or fictionsexual wellness

About the Creator

Bea Norton

Bea is a sex therapist and writer from the UK who believes any couple can have an amazing sex life if they just look past all of the things that annoy them.

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