Despite myself I catch myself missing your voice, the way I sometimes have to read your tone and what you don't say, and how you say it without actually saying it.
I think about what it would be like to be yours, not just for a night, but all the time. I catch myself looking at my phone when you have to go, just to make sure you are okay, that you got home safe. I think about what more than just once would be like. Not forever, I am afraid of forevers. He made me afraid of them. All he taught me was pain and
You fix what he broke with every text and call. I love hearing about your job, your world, knowing about you. It's like this perfect fit. Two broken people who need each other but neither willing to admit it.
The thought of falling asleep in your arms calms and excites me at the same time. The safety of your touch, the strength of your arms makes me want to feel something again.
The thought of you and being yours makes me daydream about what could be. Just as the thought of you touching me, soothing every invisible scar he etched into me. Healing every trace of him. Then come the fantasies of you claiming what he wanted and never had. Thoughts of safety turn to thoughts of passion unfolding, of what it will be like when I finally get to touch you. The liquid passion of you flowing into my flesh, your hand wrapped up in my hair, your body inside of mine. The antcipation of your hand running up my neck, slowly sliding around my throat. As the world stops, and nothing but you and I exist in the universe. Simply being able to let go of everything before you, and having you be my Knight in shining armor. The world simply being us. From playful showers to langishing hours in bed, wearing your tee shirt instead of mine and nothing else. Your hands sliding up my legs on top of you. The sound that escapes your lips as you enter me just what we both need.
The perfect bliss of subspace, riding you as you lay back and soak in the everything you need from me. Using my body for every sin you ever wanted to commit. Doing things to me that scare you because you want them so badly and drop the facade you put up for the world. Together neither of us get to hide..There is no reason to. You take the woman who takes on the world and so easily make her your own little whore, your good girl turned bad girl only for you. Consuming every inch of my flesh, marking it with red marks of passion. Firey lust mixed with devotion as I kneel for you and gaze at you with adoration.
I try to remember what love felt like before him. Before him it was so easy, everything was. You make me dream again, braver than I feel because you are my safe place. He taught me nothing but how to be afraid, how to bury my feelings, how to run, to have to fear anything that feels good. Without wanting to you make me me again, you remind me of the woman he could never have, and who he still covets so much he is willing to destroy if he can't have. He will never be the man you are, the one that I crave hearing from, the one who despite myself I find the words I am afraid of most spilling from my lips in unguarded moments.