Question: Why Did You Choose to be an Escort?
A question I get quite often, mostly from clients who had my number from my sugar baby days or who were used to meeting sugar babies, is why do I choose to be an escort over being a sugar baby. They do bring up some valid points themselves about money over time and safety from STI's, however in my experience it was a degrading experience. I wasn't intending on discussing this topic (at least not so soon and without more articles as background) however the amount of times I get asked this question is insane. I also think it is insane how many girls are turning to being a sugar baby, I am not saying they should be escorts, I am saying they should be educated in all sex worker fields before going into any of them.
I received a message from a unknown number, which wasn't uncommon for me considering it is part of my job. The odd thing was, this person said they knew me from seeking.com, which is a app for sugar babies to meet sugar daddies. I took the client instantly, curious to see why after six months of not using that website or even being a sugar baby I was getting a text message. He was a nice guy, but he was a bit judgmental (not unlike other men from that website). For context, I was at points during this encounter more hostile than I needed to be during the encounter due to exhaustion and hunger but I ensured I didn't make any points or say anything that I would not have said any other time.
Eventually, he asked me a few questions that all asked "why are you an escort instead of a sugar baby?" I honestly had no idea how to respond at first without degrading sugar babies, I don't think there is anything wrong with being a sugar baby I just didn't like how most sugar daddies treated me, but there was no easy way to explain that to someone who had such strong opinions. He had some valid points, but I also had valid counter points.
Point #1: Money
One of the points he brought up was the amount of money I was making. He said that he knew multiple girls who would get three thousand a month for being with one person. They also get school covered, living expenses, and sometimes traveling perks (depending on the person of course). It is an amazing thing, however in my experience the only ones who wanted to pay me that much were usually over selling themselves. They would say you get all these things, but then never follow through, or they follow through with half the bargain and not the other half.
With escorting, you have a solid base fee that does not budge. You are in more of a position of power so what you say, usually goes. You may not get all those extra perks, however you can make more if you're willing to put yourself out there and you often have a handful of regulars that are super awesome. When you're a sugar baby, I found you're more open to being manipulated, pressured, and most importantly in this point, underpaid.
Point #2: STI's
He brought up the point of the STI epidemic. When you have one sugar daddy, you are less likely to contract STI's, which is true in some cases. Most sugar daddies don't want you seeing other men, but will have multiple sugar babies. Him seeing all these girls, especially but not limited to if he doesn't shower often enough, the different girls pH balances will mix like oil and water. Her pH balance will go out of whack and make her more likely to get an STI (such as chlamydia; which does not need to be transmitted sexually, or yeast infection).
As an escort, although I see more people, I usually see the same handful of people. You can always be sure when they are seeing other people or not after talking to them. A handful of them have partners but only come see me because they don't click sexually with their partner but connect every other way. Sometimes you can worry that if he's seeing you, who else could he be seeing? Is he lying to me? Well my honest opinion, they don't have a reason to lie. They're coming to you for a reason and usually that reason is they need a chance to be honest with themselves and others. When they are honest, I have a better chance of taking measures to prevent situations within my control. Just like me, they don't want to put anyone at risk. They acknowledge the fact we can see other people and keep ourselves safe, rather than disprove of one party seeing anyone outside of the group while the other can do what they want.
Point #3: Connection With Person
He made a claim that you can't connect with people the same way, I argue though that I can connect on a more personal level without fear of being judged. Sugar daddies have very strict expectations on how a sugar baby should act, dress, speak, and more. It makes it hard to form a real, genuine connection with that person. As an escort, I can say a lot of my clients are ,more than that, they are also friends I can call when something is wrong.
I definitely find it odd that the support and kindness is a reverse expectation when it comes to being an escort vs a sugar baby. The media portrays sugar daddies as men that help support you financially and often emotionally as well. It was always supposed to be a man that wanted to take care of and protect a girl like a daughter but be able to have her sexually and without the commitment or drama of having a girlfriend and/or child. It is not impossible to find a sugar daddy with the correct morals and values for you, but I never did due to my unorthodox views and opinions.
I starting to be a sugar baby in the end of June, as an alternative but relatable girl I thought I would have no problem finding someone I connected with and who paid me fairly (although I didn't know what "fairly" actually was at the time), yet I didn't have much luck. When I did receive a message, it was not usually from people who were serious. When I did meet people who were serious, they usually opened by saying something about how low my price was. I didn't know any better at this point. There were a few really nice ones I had, but half the time they were under paying me, the other half of the time they ghosted out of no where.
The experiences that lead me off being a sugar baby though were not men ghosting me, but instead the ones that wouldn't leave me alone. One of which I have written an article on already (Being a Sugar baby in Niagara), to summarize though I was taken on a weekend trip to Niagara falls, pressured into having sex when I was not in a mind space for it, then not paid for the weekend. It left me feeling unsure of a lot of things, especially when he called me up months later expecting me to drop everything to see him after how he treated me.
Another experience that turned me off was this guy who was also from the app. He was obsessed with me only seeing him sexually and yet he was messaging anyone and everyone on the app, he used a pasted message with his name and kik ID. He always pressured me into meeting him, usually he didn't end up showing up. When he did show up, it was uncomfortable. I couldn't understand a lot of what he said due to an accent, but when I could understand I did not like what he would say. I felt objectified and stuck.
The last experience I had as a sugar baby, I never met him in person. He promised me chivalry and kindness, he held that up until I had a personal opinion. He would attack almost anything I said that slightly contradicted his views, them blamed it on his breakup. I would always apologize, the person I used to go to for advice would tell me apologize and do whatever I needed to get the money. I always did, I again felt stuck and alone.
I stopped being a sugar baby but didn't start being an escort right away. I tried to just stick with my monthly funding but it wasn't enough. I was used to the luxury that came with being a sugar baby (ex. having the extra money for groceries or bills). I didn't want to go back to the same people I had before, I finally had the knowledge to know what should be expected from people. After finding some classified sites, I got started. The people I have met as an escort have been so much more respectful, understanding, and mindful of both persons needs.
I went into all of this only educated to a certain extent. The media was my only source of information, and I am not talking about articles like this, I mean television and movies, maybe some social media. It meant I didn't know how I should have been treated or how much I should be paid. It made it harder to find good ones. When you get into the business, you need to understand how it works and understand every person will be different but you should never expect different of them.
I watched a girl go into the business not understanding every aspect, she was infatuated with the fact that she could have sex any time she wanted. It proved to be dangerous when I kept receiving calls and texts from someone she had met up with. He claimed to show up at our hotel room before we gave him permission to. He insisted on having Scarlett go into his car for an appointment and would not listen when I said we were not at the hotel anymore. She wanted to go because she said she "hadn't gotten laid in a week". I did not let her, and blocked the number. Though it is apart of my job to get weird calls and texts, these seemed threatening and were sending red flags. I did not let her escort with me again after that, she proved to be a risk to us both and the clients due to her lack of knowledge and lack of willfulness to learn.
In the end, you need keep yourself safe and to do that you need to be educated. I didn't have a place to learn, so I'll provide one for you.
xoxo Stay Mindful- Love Eivie
Email: [email protected]