Primal Play - A Kink Less Discussed
And What It Could Do For You
Of all the downsides that sexual moralising brings, the lack of information surrounding kinks, fetishes, and non-traditional relationships. Primal play is just one of the many experiences and kinks that is under-represented and misunderstood. Now, full disclosure, my journey into kink and non-traditional sexuality is still underway; I am not the most experienced. Yet, I feel that this makes it imperative that I speak out.
You see, as a strong feminist, I always wrestled with the idea that I might have a thing for that most taboo of kinks, CNC. For those not in the know, that means 'consensual non-consensual', or r*pe play. The idea and details of the kink disturbed me so much so that I suppressed the idea and didn't touch it for years... until I came across an article discussing Primal Play.
The things that I found so titillating about CNC - the idea of a struggle, a fight for control, and the possibility of being overpowered - were all there, but without the misogynistic, demeaning, or humiliation tendencies which so commonly come with them. Of course, there is so much more to this interesting dynamic than just that, but these common elements show something interesting; you should never assume that you have found your niche without doing extra research. If a kink appeals to you, but certain aspects make you uncomfortable keep looking and digging! You may find that there's something more fitting just around the corner.
As a relatively new additon to the BDSM scene, Primal is still a little undefined. It can be both an identity and a type of play and may occur within the confines of a Dom/Sub relationship. Conversely, it may involve both partners pushing for dominance as equals. Beyond either of these, it can also involve the partners staging 'hunts' or 'chases' in a form of prey/predator dynamic.
The common theme which runs through all of it is connecting with and engaging the most animalistic and 'primal' facets of our sexuality. This can mean biting, scratching, even growling, and while it maintains the same safety measures as any form of rough or potentially dangerous sexual activity, it is much less planned and controlled than mainstream BDSM or even CNC. The idea is to engage spontaneously and in line with the basest passions and drives in our psyche and bodies. This can be seen in the terminology: prey/predator, mate, pet these terms used within primal play are may seem suited to animals than people. In truth, they are; this is all part of the dynamic and experience.
What differentiates primal from other forms of D/S is the fact that while a dom/sub dynamic is most common, there are instances of dom/dom primal dynamics which work perfectly well. In this case, there is no set dom, no set hunter, but instead a grapple for control between two who are determined to dominate at every stage of the encounter. This can lead to an incredibly intense experience for both partners.
And it's this experience which can be truly life-changing - or at least I think so. How? It all comes back around to that first point; how I could never settle with CNC, but couldn't ignore it either. I know that I'm not alone; there are many women, and I don't doubt men too, out there who feel that way.
Because what many of us want is the struggle, not a violation. Connection not oppression. We're looking for a contest, not an assault. Giving in to the urge to fight for control, and finding someone who wants to engage with you this way is a perfect way to connect with the natural aggression and will to win that you have in safe, sane, and consensual way. Engaging with, rather than repressing our sexual urges and desires is so important to understanding ourselves.