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PORN MOVIES VS REAL LIFE!

by Ross E Fortune Lombardi 8 months ago in fact or fiction

A BRUTALLY HONEST COMMENT ABOUT PORN! (Obviously, this contains adult references, look at the title! Why would you even need this disclaimer?)

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MOVIES VS REAL LIFE!

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USEFUL THEME MUSIC!

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Theme music playing in real life would be very useful!

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It would help in all potential romantic situations!

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Soft violins! Hell yeh!

I'll lean in to kiss her!

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Slightly quirky beat?!

Eeeek I better not go for a kiss because the comic relief music is playing!

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Sinister tense music,

Then run because her ex is hiding in the bushes with an axe!

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Cheesy '70s "Chuck A Wa Wa" music starts?

Then you know freaky sex with her roommate joining in is going to be on the table!

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REAL LIFE SEX

VS

MAINSTREAM CINEMATIC

AND PORN SEX!

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Real (not from a movie), normal non-kinky sex will contain all the following,

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Cramps, Charlie Horses, Gagging, Choking, Coming too soon, Not coming at all (For both sexes), Faking it (For both sexes), Accidental Queefing, Accidental Farting (that you both pretend did not happen), and cramps.

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I know cramps are listed twice but that's because they happen twice as often!

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Especially if you are a real person who is not built like an athlete who has raced way past their 30's and speeding towards their 50’s.

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Because your flexibility, coordination tend to go a bit as you get older!

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REAL LIFE V's PORN!

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A BRUTALLY HONEST COMMENT ABOUT PORN!

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(Obviously, this contains adult references, look at the title! Why would you even need this disclaimer?)

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“But I have seen it on done on porn films, why can I not try that for real, in my actual life.”

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The very same reason members of the law enforcement and military communities so not actually ever hold a pistol sideways “Gangsta Style” or do John Woo style rolls in any actual real-life firefights if they want to live!

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I find Porn culturally interesting on an intellectual level.

I did my university dissertation on porn.

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I also like porn because I enjoy getting turned on and Wanking!

(I Bet you thought I was going to 'bale out' and try and act all 'above porn' and Intellectually Douchie for a second there! Didn't you! :) )

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I also love to watch Sci-fi and fantasy films,

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I am a GEEK!

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That, however, does not mean I am going to wrap a tea towel and a cloak and try jumping off a tall building to try and fly.

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That, however, does not mean I am going to try and confront the drug dealers on my street with a large twig shouting, "Expelliarmus!”

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I have thoroughly enjoyed (Got off on) a vast mixture or scenarios and situations in my porn, some of them quite perverted and sick.

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All of them played out by well-known sex performers!

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I also Play GTA5, shooting people in the head and setting fire to them!

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BUT if someone were outside either shooting people in the head, setting fire to people or doing illegal perverted sick acts in real life, I would be straight onto the phone to call the police!

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I happily blow away zombies all day on the computer but a real-life rotting course would be highly likely to make me vomit violently just from the stench alone!

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Part of being a “Proper Grown Up” is knowing the difference between reality but still being able to enjoy fantasy.

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So have no shame!

Watch your porn!

Have a Wank and enjoy yourself.

You need to get your horny-ness out of the way so you can get a decent night’s sleep for that 6 am sales meeting tomorrow!

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Just don’t believe in any of it!

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In certainly do not be immature enough to ever want that shit to happen in real life.

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I “Dabbled” in the sex industry for a brief 6 months, when I was a student because it seemed to the ‘stupid young man’ I was, that I was fulfilling a male sexual fantasy and the money was really, really, good!

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I DO NOT recommend it!

That Money MAY be good...

BUT

The money is Not that good!

The money is Not good enough!

Or at least... I was not for me!

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Fantasy scenarios like a Zombie Apocalypse, Being burned alive by a Dragons and Fucked Up Porn is only fun on the TV screen!

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Enjoy it!

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Then leave it there!

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WHILE WE ARE ON THE SUBJECT!

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WE MEN!

NEED SEX?

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They say that,

"Men have Need's".

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(Don't get me wrong, I am a sexual liberal, not a prude.)

BUT

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Sex is NOT a "NEED",

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Water, Food and Shelter are all Needs!

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No one has ever died from celibacy!

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Sex is about as much as personally 'needed' to survive as TV or Computer games are!

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Yes, it is a bit crap to live without it, but you can adapt!

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It always pisses me off when a certain type of Male

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(Looking at all the Incel's out there!)

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Justify their abhorrent behaviour because they claim that their merely strong desire for sex is somehow some sort of medical need, so, therefore, they have a human right to it!

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(According to their own tailored, twisted, definition of what a counts as a fellow 'Human')

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(Yes celibacy does have certain "medical" side effects, such as a suppressed immune system, <among others>. BUT only to a far more mild extent than certain groups would like to acknowledge!)

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If you like eating Junk food and to have a decent drink once in a while or prefer a couch instead of taking a jog or any long walks...

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Then any ONE of these things would be far more harmful than mere celibacy ever could be!

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fact or fiction
Ross E Fortune Lombardi
Ross E Fortune Lombardi
Read next: A Night at the Theatre
Ross E Fortune Lombardi

Writer. Gamer, Goth

A (Constantly Failing To Be Funny) satirist!

[email protected]

Mutare non est meum

Cantus moriar

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http://lombot.co.uk

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