Filthy logo

Longings..

and memories..

By Justice for AllPublished 3 years ago Updated 3 years ago 5 min read
Like

It had been so long since a Man had made love to her that the echo of his touch had faded almost completely..She would close her eyes and try to remember what it felt like to be touched with something more than lust. She couldn't. She couldn't remember what it felt like to be safe, and protected and not used or ignored. 

  She could remember entire cases from beginning to end but she could not remember what it felt like for a man to want her not for what she could do for him but because he wanted  her. Her relationships had never been hard,  full of conflict or involved so many tears as they had since her ex boyfriend. She was always so loved,  and supported but all that was was vivid memories and all she had to cling to,  when she needed everyone to be on her side making sure she got through all of this...

 Her dreams were simple. Falling asleep in his arms, in this perfect bubble of happy and waking up in a world where there was so much happy.

 Her world had never been chaos and she needed him to be her other half. She still reached for the other side of the bed, when she woke alone wondering if she would ever wake not alone again. She tried to remember being touched with a mix of fire and love. The need to feel that coursing through her veins never left her. In fact, she craved it more in it's absence. She needed her heart to be touched as gently as her body. She needed to be able to feel his heart seep through her skin and drip into her veins where it altered her DNA forever. She thought she had found him a million times over the last two years. She had once asked God every night for this perfect man 6 years ago,  and she had been given him. He had been her everything..her perfect her normal. She could tell you how much she loved him until 2 years ago. Even now she still did, but she could never unlove anyone she ever loved. She had been through hell because of him and he still didn't care. Her favorite Judge had wanted her to marry him,  and even in her worst moments she had thought he was her Captain America. Then he simply let her entire life be devastated, and yet she still when asked about him did not tell everything he hadn't done to help her because even though he deserved it she wouldn't tell his colleagues he had been the reason she had nothing. He had become a person she didn't recognize just like everyone she had ever cared about. He had been her fairy tale until the day he abandoned her. Since him everyone she dated had done the same. There had to be a good man left in the universe who didn't make her promises and then disappear. 

 Four days into a breakup from someone who she wanted to be with and she thought was different than him, who had promised her a life and a family her thoughts drifted back to when she was his. When love hadn't been so painful and upside down. She was torn between losing a man she loved and what could have been a life she wanted as she fought back tears every moment and memories of how easy it had been. She would never understand how men could simply hurt her so badly and not think of it twice and forget her when she couldn't forget anything about them. How they had the ability to simply forget someone ever existed even in the face of it costing a woman very nearly her life and break her heart over and over again. 

  She curled into bed, alone and hurting, trying not to let the tears fall as they had for days now. She tried to remember being in the arms of someone who loved her though it was so far away. So much time and space. She tried to conjure up enough memories to feel the love sickness pour through her veins and couldn't. She looked at his picture every night before she went to sleep and imagined himself in his arms. She wished he would just call. Nothing had happened, nothing had changed on her side but his silence was killing her. It broke her heart a million times a day to think about the hours with him spent on the phone, of the dates with him and his daughter and even more to think he was her home and he was gone. She didn't know how to let it go. She also couldn't fight for a man who didn't want her, despite craving him in bouts that tore at her heart. It had been so long since she had such a connection to someone and to have it ripped away was like having her slowly taken as it had been the last 3 years. She couldn't understand why he had promised her his world and then taken it away to abruptly. She was shattered and yet still tied to him.. Still reliving every word and the images of the future. It broke her to the core...He had made her believe in love again, in happily ever after and simply destroyed her when he had hung her galaxy. His unilateral silence tore what was left of her heart to shreds..she wondered could she ever find someone who would stay.. He had put himself on the list of men who had destroyed her in one way or another, a place she never wanted him to be.. he was supposed to the man who changed the story and was her King.. who would rule the heavens and the earth and rewrite the love song that had been written by men who she had turned to and they had all turned away.

She couldn't help but think of Him, in moments like now and wonder if they would ever meet again when there had never been a goodbye. She longed to hear him tell her "I love you" and longed to be back in his world when he had changed hers so much.

humanity
Like

About the Creator

Justice for All

"Justice delayed, is justice denied" "Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere."

Tattooed, Employed and has a Psych degree..Always on the look out for a group of Avengers.

Reader insights

Be the first to share your insights about this piece.

How does it work?

Add your insights

Comments

There are no comments for this story

Be the first to respond and start the conversation.

Sign in to comment

    Find us on social media

    Miscellaneous links

    • Explore
    • Contact
    • Privacy Policy
    • Terms of Use
    • Support

    © 2024 Creatd, Inc. All Rights Reserved.