Light Fall

Sleeping naked has always been my least favorite. I sweat so much that when I awaken, the sheets are soaked. God forbid I dream of him, then they’re even more soaked.

I do my laundry and shower off last night's lingering thoughts. The hot water caresses my body and the suds of the soaps wash away the sins of the night.

Darkness and light fluctuating between each other; the never ending internal struggle between demons and angels.

I feel inside my soul, I feel like a leech. Forced to drain from any I can to sustain my overwhelming power.

I hear a knock on the door and I wrap myself in a towel and shuffle to the door.

I’m disappointed to discover it’s an early birthday present from my best friend, who is probably half-way around the world by now.

The guy who delivered it lives above me and now he’s seen half of me naked, I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to make eye contact with him again.

After signing for the package, I finish drying off and log on to my stripping account to see if he’s messaged me.

No messages, just more views. I start to feel awkward and decide to go for a jog.

The day slips into evening and as night arrives, the delivery guy is posted by my door smoking a cigarette. I’m not much of a smoker but recently the craving has been unavoidable.

“Can I bum one?” I ask trying to break the ice.

“Will I get to see more of you?”

His response caught me off guard and I try to hide my blushing as he passes one to me.

I use his lit one to ignite mine, a trick I’ve always admired in films.

We talk for several minutes before I invite him in and we enjoy a glass of wine or so.

His kisses on my neck drive me into a frenzied state, clawing and biting him. I feel myself become swallowed up in his character. His tallness, his soft hair, and his perfect stubble send me into the darkest parts of myself.

After our encounter, he comes and goes to the point of our landlord discounting our rent.

My stock advice returns well and he pops the question and we move into our new condo states away.

I start to feel whole again. But at the same time, like I need to keep the darkness inside of me sated.

I slip away while he is asleep to find my place. Going to a club and getting several free drinks, I get up on stage and pole dance.

For some reason, I felt home. The music washes the works away, every swing I make I become a god.

Not in a selfish manner, in a way where my movements are synchronized and have an elegantly to them, and I glow.

I get several tips after, despite me telling them I don’t usually do that. So many, to the point where the owner offers me two night shifts weekly.

I decide to hide that part of myself from him. I feel like it would just complicate things.

He shows to one of my shifts with his Data Analysis buddies which I have a mixed feeling about.

Upon seeing me he feels embarrassed and we exchange glances.

After my dance, he picks me up and twirls me complimenting it.

“Why did you like it?”

He states the attraction and I frown.

“I don’t do it for attraction. I do it to feel.”

He frowns and I sense our characters at a stand still.

Often times we rush into things without being aware of who the other person is fully.

I wake up drenched in sweat still in my shitty apartment. I hate sleeping naked...