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Kitten in Heat

Narcissist or Borderline?

By Bree Z LovePublished 4 years ago 8 min read
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An early morning rise before my dreamy eyelids fully opens. I am aroused while in the mist, my mind is drifting. I am in a space of confusion because deeply, I want love and lust to be in alliance. A toxic shame overwhelms me for the righteous mind wants to think differently but it's in overload of sexual wants. The irony is the dew that’s upon the creases of my yoni. I lie still and his name is echoing in my head. I try whole-heartedly to redirect my thought pattern. I call out to the Father in repetition for an awaken through prayer for guidance of the day. Questioning my salvation and sense of sexuality, “who can save a sinner like me?” I have identified with many roles: the wolf, the sheep and the Jezebel in my personal stories. Yet, I have to be honest to myself; I can not identify the protagonist in the story of my torrid affairs.

Over the last nine months, I’ve been intrigued with the Little Red Riding Hood role; submissively I play with the Big Bad Wolf. I found myself easily enticed by the charms and equally high levels of sexual prowellness. The wanton game is induce by seductive power moves as we jar into challenging positions of role play. The game is somewhat dangerous especially as when it's a triad tyst. The Big Bad Wolf and I are so wrapped up into into and no one is releasing the challenge. My body longs for power, lust, and the torrid game. Miles between us seems to provoke more cravings. Yet, he has all the controlling power, while he juggles me and his"others."

However as I reflect on our affair there has been a question that lingers and surfaces from the subconscious. The question looms in my mind; “are we entangled in a Narcissists and Empathic bondage game?” Neither one of us has discussed what we are as in this arrangement. It's was an instant attractions when we met. We fight and fuck, the words can get brutally honest yet we calm and move forward by instinct and the pulsing sensations that leads to amazing sex. We part ways and do the typical check- ins; very atypical behavior some world say.

We use sublime topics of conversation to sugarcoat the mutual agreement; “we know we want nothing but sex and the thrill.” A typical conversation will start with the mundane:

Him: Good Morning....

Me: Rumbling of my anticipation of the monday's task......

Him: Are you afraid to swallow, your head is amazing but why won't you swallow?

Me: I swallow! I have no qualms about it, I have been with a many of women to maneuver through the cumming and swallowing....lol!

Him: Lol!

Finishing with excitement in our lower desires and high energetic sexual needs; we carrying on using these pieces of candid conversations as catalyst for self-gratification.The imagery is mind blowing for my womb and his wood are throbbing and an emergent wave of visions of him penetrating me and I'm taking his throbbing into my mouth is mind blowing. Smh... I should be in the shower, before I run late for work. Yet, my mind dips back into our beginning.

Downtown, Austin on Sixth Street is a place to lose one’s inhibitions with bars for miles for young to old explorers. The infamous 6th street sometimes called Dirty 6th street for its rowdiness. And this is an every weekend thing. But this particular weekend was the SXSW partying. We met on the weekend of a big music festival for the city. I was being a tour guide to my out of town guest. The music was loud of all kinds blasting from the indoor parting to the parting outdoor shenanigans that beckons all to join the communal party. All what I imagine, Beale Street in Memphis' or New Orleans' raving scene to be but on a smaller scale. As mentioned, I can be a social butterfly and plenty of shots and music is the catalyst to open me up for more adventures.

I was starting to wind down from the group and relent into my introverted self. I was becoming aware of feeling more intoxicated than what was needed. I did not want to be a killjoy for the group. I stepped by into a small corner under one of the bar awnings to take a smoke break. There our eyes met. I politely asked for a light and immediately started up the engagement of an opportunity conversation.

Him: It's dangerous to talk to strangers....

Me: Danger is my middle name...

The gleam of dare was apparent, Little Red Riding Hood and the Big Bad Wolf fell into character. I flirted and disclosed information about my upcoming trip. Quick like in a speed dating space, we had enough of the basics. Coincidently I would be travelling for a quick rendezvous with a current specimen of desire and intent to fuck an old friend/ new fuck. I referenced as the King Kong Mandingo, Sean. In a timeframe of less than a week of meeting I'd be in the city of Sin.

Fast forward into the four nights and three days get-a-way; in hindsight the trip would be topsy turvy. I had taking in small talk with "Big" to get familiar with things we may have forgotten to ask from our quick meet. Sean had sounded so eager on our last calls. He described a variety ways and things he had fantasized about us exploring. He prided himself as being an “Alpha Male.” Could I throw shade and come off as a prude with Sean? Should I let him give me the pleasure to taste a bit of the heavenly Kitty? I being the one who likes being in charge put my fierce Kitty mind on but came up with nothing. I wanted them both at least that's what I imagined.

Sean came to pick me up from the airport. It was late and it was mostly a long traveling day. I knew I did not at this point want to spend the next five days with Sean. My interest for him had turned like sour milk and I had no want to engage in any sort of activities with him. His offerings of great places to go turn into a struggle like a parent trying to force feed a kid veggies vs. sweet treats. I submitted to one outing and with perfect timing, he had a situation that came up. Inside, I was excited with bubbling glee. He had to tend to a family ordeal. Yay!!!! I pretended to be disappointed and spoke on how it was unfortunate that it would take time away from our time together. No Pity Sex!!!! Some would questioned my emotions and behavior but my blazed ego and sadist ways are like a stronghold. The way I placed things in perspective is Sean wanted more and I wanted something less complicated. Sean had initiated contact via Facebook, a year prior to our meeting. The sexy pics of his forms is what sparked me. I was on the prowl and freed up to set up time for "Big" and I.

He was very cavalier with dinner and a show. This yummy eye candy and he didn't even have a clue about this naughty Kitty. I’ve learned through experience and wisdom that I can be ladylike in these streets. I invited him up to my room. He played his role as being charming to keep me wondering what was behind the smile. I forgot mine momentarily, I wanted to charm his pants off to the floor. A kitten was now purring with anticipation. I wanted to lick his skin and taste him mingled with my wine. It didn't take long to find that we were two of a kind and jacks of many trades, and ready to get to the " Fifty Shades.... " He navigated my shiny pearl as if he knew her formerly. I dissolved in those sheets. I could not shy away and play the naive or coy little Red. I felt the fiery red passionate kisses between us like we had a mission beyond these walls. I rode "Big" until my legs burned. He gripped my ass down harder to tame any part of me that wanted to escape. I wanted to come so hard when he saddled me on his face. Hard yet gentle, I came. He came and paused to sip and re-boost with drinkable libations. I returned to lick him clean from shaft to head. He left for work and later returned to leaving me with his imprint on my last day in the sinful city.

Hours of fucking each others minds out until blurred words unknown, sprewed. Our bodies communicated in various ways. The unknowing of if we'd come together gain lingered for a moment but what we experienced was worth walking away without knowing. I enjoyed the moment. Carpe Diam!!!!

My get-a-way was a wild twist of fate. However, this story does not end here. After, many days and nights I feel the touch, kisses and womb in heat and with attempts of ending this affair..... Oh..... Ahh.... Fuck I got up and get a cold shower and get to work. Here in Austin wanting "Big" inside. Oh....defining this obsession is not for me to utter..."Hello, I was just thinking about you."

"Yeah, good or bad?

"Both!"

In retrospect, I realize that there are some underlying issues that we share. Some will agree that normal healthy beings do not experience such erotic obsession, egoist traits, “....an idealized self-image of being the dominant, suppressive alpha male or female in personal relationships…” its like some kind of addiction and/or craving. We have leaped metaphorically and literally with a quickness at each chance for the meeting via plane, bus, etc... to fill a gaping need for selfish pleasures. No lackluster in our actions to recreate or to recapture the heat we bring to the bedroom. This share is to get to a means of acknowledgement and some kind of self-resolve for the questions: Am I... (1) borderline Narcissistic/Sadist and/ or (2) an overly hormonal 40-something at my peak as a middle aged woman or (3) a woman who is seeking lust vs. love. The miles between us seemingly can be our antagonist in our story and an idolizing love seems far fetching for a future-committal, love for us.

Going Nuts in Austin,

Bree Z. Love

Let me know your thoughts and comments via. email- [email protected]

Bree Z. Love@ 2020

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Bree Z Love

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