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How to Have Sex in Public Part 4- The Public Restroom, Seductively Dirty

by Nessy Writer 6 months ago in how to

The thrill seeker's guide to doing it away from the bedroom

So here we are on the next step of our exciting journey. If you haven't had a chance to check them out and are curious, do also take a look at the first three parts of this series:

Bonking on the beach,

Getting wood in the woods and

Parking it in the park.

Now back to the subject at hand. Ah the public restroom. A rare one for a clean freak like me. This one is the best combination of dirty and private, with the ultimate thrill of getting caught. It's not glamorous, and for this to be a successful excursion I do have a couple pieces of advice.

Aside: Remember that all of the articles in this series are for entertainment purposes only and may or may not be based on real events, wink. Anything you choose to do is your own responsibility. Cue the introductory story.....

It was a celebratory night, we were out in a group, dancing madly in a bar, everyone was in a great mood. I was there with my boyfriend and the group was large enough so that we wouldn’t be missed for a few minutes (note: a man who can regulate his speed depending on the occasion, is mighty useful). I scanned the area and noticed that both sets of male and female toilets were in the same tucked away vicinity, down a short corridor.

We hadn’t seen each other since the previous weekend. Tensions were high. Bubbling beneath the surface and ready to explode. When I visited the loo, I could see that the bathroom was empty, this was a prime opportunity, there was no time to lose. I took him by the hand and whispered in his ear.

“The toilets are empty”


“Now, now’s our chance, let’s go!”

He didn’t get the chance himself to process this information fully but laughed as he followed me. There was no real need for a further explanation.

One last glance behind us and we ran in, struggling to stifle our laughter. Legging it quickly into an abandoned stall in the ladies, closing the door shut and pulling the latch. The sound of it closing was both satisfying and arousing for what it promised to come.

I balanced my hands on the stall door as he pulled down my jeans, kissing my neck and preparing me for the joy to come, using his other hand to caress my front electrically. He dipped himself tentatively, to get the end lubricated before going for it. I tried to to put as little pressure on the door as possible to keep the stall from shaking as we rocked. We heard female giggles and froze mid-thrust. The wait was tense as we waited for the girls to leave, struggling to stifle our laughter. Luckily they'd just gone in to wash their hands and I assume touch up their make up. We finished with a satisfying, slight painting of the buttocks and a wad of tissues. The greatest perk of the restroom, all your clean up facilities are at the ready. As long as it's not grotty, the most hygienic of the public bonk spots.

I went out first and he locked the door behind me. I made a scan. We were lucky, no one about. "Let's go let's go," I fiercely whispered. Upon leaving he quickly rushed into the men's restroom. We washed our hands separately and accordingly. When we emerged we gave each other a conspiratorial look as if we'd just completed the ultimate spy mission. No one was the wiser.....Until I'd had a few drinks and told them that is....

So, what can we learn from this little encounter?

The Positioning

In a cubicle, as in many of these situations, standing doggie is the one. The bang-ee faces the door which can be leaned against if necessary, the bang-er stands behind and holds the hips. Just make sure the door is firmly locked so you don't fall out and be careful not to step into the toilet….never happened to me but I feel like it’s something that could with the panic of people coming in to the bathroom.

Do it with your Partner Ideally

As with all of the articles in this series, I do recommend, if you do decide to do this, to do it with a partner whom you trust. You’re locking yourself in a tight and potentially embarrassing place. Better to do it with someone you trust.

Timing is Everything

You don't want to be in a situation where you're seen either entering or leaving together. One gets out, acts as look out (depending on the gender of the bathroom, the person who’s designated bathroom it is should be the one to leave first if that isn’t obvious), so they can let the other know when the coast is clear to get them out.

These toilets were not crowded, realistically the female toilets are likely to be packed. There was a slow stream of people coming and going which made this possible. Pick your situation.

The Best Situation is When it's Abandoned

Here we pause for a mini story time. This is also a situation that made direct use of timing, specifically time of the night.

A night out of drinking and clubbing. Dancing seductively with my boyfriend had certainly got the juices flowing shall we say. The lights came on as the music went off and the chorus of complaints sadly erupted from the clubbers interrupted mid dance.

We filed out and said our goodbyes to our friends. It was too late to catch a train so we walked down the high street hoping to hail a taxi. The streets were utterly abandoned, the inky river reflecting the street lights as we passed by. What should we pass by but a kind of boxpark style area with toilets that had an open entrance, guarded by a turnstyle. Now everyone knows how easy a turnstyle is to get past when no one's around, a prime opportunity that was simply too good to miss.

We hesitated a moment, but seeing a security guard's flashlight up ahead, were spurred into action. We darted in as quickly as possible and got into the throes of swift passion.

There was no fear that the toilets would be locked on us or that anyone would walk in. Great way to stay awake waiting for a taxi....

Single Cubicles are Safer

Where there are single, lockable and gendered toilets as opposed to bathrooms, it's generally much safer in terms of being caught and more convenient to use. One disabled loo however is risky, and plus you wouldn't want to take it away from someone who actually needed it.

Ah the sneakiness involved with filing into one of those lockable, single toilets whilst no one is watching. Remember here that the lookout rule applies and must be expertly timed.

So there you have it, the ultimate dirty experience, closest to a sink.

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You can find me and see more of my work on Instagram, Twitter and TikTok, I am Nessywriter on all of these platforms so feel free to follow me there, I truly appreciate all of your support and feedback.

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Nessy Writer
Nessy Writer
Read next: A Night at the Theatre
Nessy Writer

A freelance writer of all sorts sharing it out with the world. Poetry, prose and advice.

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