How to Ask Her for Sex

Actually, it is simple. You just need to make it sound hot.

How to Ask Her for Sex
Photo by Garin Chadwick on Unsplash

John Lennon rightly said.

“We live in a world where we have to hide to make love, while violence is practiced in broad daylight.”

No, I am not asking you to rebel against society but this sadly reflects the truth of the world we live in. And one of the major bone killers in life is the moment you learn that sex between two people who are in love and attracted to each other still takes “hard work,”. Ugh. You need to make a dedicated effort to keep it interesting, to keep it alive, and keep it going on because your sex life is a living, breathing organism of its own that needs attention and lots of initiative.

And the interesting thing is that we think about sex more often… but we aren’t quite sure how to have “the talk.”. And you are not alone; thousands of guys fall in this situation simply because sex is such a sensitive topic and most don’t know how to approach it without sounding desperate.

Do you just bring it up out of nowhere…? Or is it better to slowly transition into it mid-conversation…? Or is it better not to talk about it at all, and just do something about it…? There are a lot of questions hanging around with no answers.

As Dr. Paul Hokemeyer, a marriage and family therapist tells us.

“The only study that explored the frequency of our sexual thoughts with any procedural integrity found that men think about sex on average about once an hour, and women about once every two hours. “Whatever the rate at which we think about sex. It’s clear that we think about it a hell of a lot more than we actually engage in it.”

And when things stall, somebody has to take the initiative to put it back on track. And typically most men (yes sad isn’t it?) after a while, get stuck in some kind of weird, pestering rut where they are reduced to pawing at the lady for sex and she’s always giving the black eye. Yes, the best sex should come naturally without the pawing but that rarely happens.

So the big question is, how do you get your lady to want to fuck you? How can you do it without seeming like you’re pestering them or appearing super, irritatingly, unattractively needy?

While there is NO one-tonic-for-all remedy (every girl is unique and different, remember?) invented yet, here are some ways in which you can ask her for sex.

Stop waiting for the right moment

Before you approach the topic of sex, you need to get into the mindset of flying into the danger zone.

Yes, there is no right time to ask for it nor she is going to grant you permission to ask for it. Very few women are going to lead it there or say “You can ask me about sex now! “So you have to take the chance to lead her into the sexual subject.

And while there is no set way to go about it, but you have been talking with her for a minimum of 30 minutes to an hour and things are getting heated up a bit, this is the right time for you to start asking some questions.

Let me ask you something personal…”

“Okay, I want to get to know the real you…”

“So, tell me the truth…”

“Do you consider yourself a sexual person?”

“What’s something that secretly turns you on?”

And so on…

Remember her reaction might not be always good as these subjects often trigger feelings of shame and defensiveness. She might even challenge you and put you in a spot by retorting back on the “personal” nature of the questions you are asking. And if that happens, don’t apologize and feel ashamed about it. Just playfully move on to less intimate subjects. She is not ready yet. Respect her opinion.

Remember, you aren’t going to magically fall into bed with a woman. You need to bring your conversations toward more intimate topics as it progresses. Be patient.

Touch her subtly

Yes, while a conversation can be a great tool to make a woman feel closer to you… words alone aren’t enough to arouse her.

That’s where the simple, subtle touch comes in. You need to start your moves much early so that every touch gets registered into her sexual memory increasing her anticipation.

This could mean gently caressing her arm or thigh when you are in some public place together early on in the evening or giving her a hug and maybe even squeezing her butt unexpectedly when you meet her. This is a dominant move that will show her that you are a very confident guy. Keep repeating physical contact even if she doesn’t touch you back; chances are that she is loving it.

Basically, the skin-to-skin or physical contact of her body sends a signal to her brain… and this signal starts to subconsciously tell her that she’s turned on. And this signal will continue to grow as you keep on giving these subtle touches. And soon you can be pretty much sure that she’s feeling horny… and wants to do it out with you.

Remember the key is to start early. By starting with some subtle moves early on in the evening, you will drastically increase your chances of getting laid by the end of the night.

Lastly, ask her directly

You can do this in many ways and it’s really sexy when a girl knows exactly what she wants and is not beating about the bush when asked. So stop beating around the bush and ask her directly if she would like to do it. It may sound blunt but you’ll be amazed how comfortable it makes things between you both for the future.

Yes, I know saying “Let’s have sex” sounds simple but isn’t easy. For this to work, you need to have a solid, healthy relationship with her who is comfortable being around with you and likes having sex with you.

Remember, most girls tend to not like men who are too straightforward, so keep this in mind as well. You should also make sure that you have had a decent amount of normal conversation before asking her to sleep with you. Also, most women love to be complimented and totally lap it up, and it definitely adds up to your charm quotient.

And more than the sex, the very way for asking for sex should express the desire for her in such a way that makes her feel completely wanted. This should come across as a “we” thing and not just as “my needs” thing for the sexual fire to burn at both ends.

And finally, make love to her seriously. By making love, I mean going much beyond sex; take time to caress her, worship her sensually and kiss her all over in places never been explored before. Make her feel desired like a sexual goddess at all times. If your girl is convinced that you just cannot get enough of her, she will never be disappointed by you in bed.

As Hunter Thompson has rightly said.

“Sex without love is as hollow and ridiculous as love without sex.”

Ravi Shankar Rajan is a information technology program director working in Mumbai, India.He writes on a variety of subjects ranging from programming,leadership, creativity and even dabbles a bit in poetry. He is also an Haiku poetry writer, archaeology enthusiast, and history maniac. Connect with Ravi on LinkedIn,Vocal, and Twitter.Subscribe to his blog “The Perfect Programmer” for latest articles on programming,creativity and much more…...

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Ravi Shankar Rajan
Ravi Shankar Rajan
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Ravi Shankar Rajan

Ravi Shankar Rajan is a program director working in Mumbai, India..He writes on a variety of subjects ranging from programming,leadership, creativity and even dabbles a bit in poetry.

See all posts by Ravi Shankar Rajan