How Having Sex With Your Ex Can Help You Get Over It

“You think too much” — I told myself.

She was in front of me, waiting for an answer. The question was quite simple:

Do you wanna have sex with me?

We had broken up 2 months earlier, and I was hating her, but we met for a coffee because I got a text message:

“Are you sure you want to leave it at that?”

“I don’t get what you mean” — that's what I replied. Then, she sent a picture in her underwear.

Just do it — Then listen to your common sense

If something like this has never happened to you with an ex, you might state: “That’s insane. I would never sleep with someone I just broke up with.”

I’ll tell you the same thing I said to myself that day:

“You f*cking think too much.”

Everything that happens before and after having sex with someone says a lot about the type of relationship you have, and that is very helpful in getting over a breakup.

• Are the needs of both of you important?
• Is there anything to talk about when it’s all over?
• Is there enough confidence to say what you like and what you don’t?

Even if you and your ex have the best sex ever, guess what?

You guys are going to have the same damn problems when you’re done.

So enjoy the moment, let yourself go. Then take a look at the person you are sharing the bed with. Smell her, listen to the stupid things she has to say …

And I assure you that you will begin to understand why things didn’t work out.

I never had good sex with my ex, but I didn’t realize it until she sent me that picture in her underwear. At that moment, I thought:

“God, this poor girl completely lost her dignity.”

It was instinctive reasoning, but 5 minutes later, I realized that this wasn’t the point at all. We actually had an emotionally stable relationship and a lot of chemistry. The kind of chemistry you’d have with a twin brother, but when it comes to sex…

Sex was shameful. As if you tried to masturbate your twin brother.

I’m surely not the only person in the world who goes through this sometime in life. I mean:

Having a “perfect” relationship and, then, finding out that what you needed was a shitty relationship, but some great sex.

Anyway.

People avoid sleeping with their ex to respect grief, but personal experience tells me that sometimes having sex with your ex is what you need to get over it.

You must disclose why the relationship failed.

• Was it something that you said?
• Were you expecting too much from each other?
• Or maybe…

… it was just bad sex!

Terrible sex that sounded like a cracking wood door.

Overthinking people can spend years mulling over these kinds of questions, which is not good for anyone. In fact, overthinking can make anxiety symptoms worse and completely ruin a relationship (in case you start a new one).

So, if you need to have sex one last time in order to stop thinking about “what would have happened if,”… I believe it’s worth it in exchange for a decent life.

But, please, don’t be hopeful

Wait. Take it easy.

Having sex with your ex doesn’t give you the right to hope again.

Even relationships where sex is awesome end when something else fails. Indeed, love never dies because of what you think. There are a lot of situations that you didn’t see coming, or that you did see but preferred to ignore.

Bad sex was one of them in my case, but there are other related factors behind it, like:

• The fact that you hate your body — even if your partner loves it.
• The fear that things will get “too official”.
• The fetishes that you don’t want to experience again … but that you would probably accept to avoid blaming yourself if things go wrong…

So yes, there is a lot to heal when you break up with someone, and the last thing you need is to have hope again.

Are you capable of having non-romantic sex? Keep going.

You can’t do it? Abort the mission.

What would I do?

I would have sex — plan sex, nothing more, nothing less — and take the opportunity to experience from a global perspective what really happens inside me:

• Is there a pattern that has been sabotaging my relationships?
• What bothers me about the person I love?
• What bothers me about myself when I’m loving someone?

Sex can be a form of self-knowledge as effective as meditation. Give it a try, but don’t use it as a lifesaver.

No serious problem can be solved in bed.

Also, if the sex you have with your ex is extraordinary, it doesn’t matter too much. Nothing will change. Orgasms are short and multi-orgasms will never be enough to stay with someone you only understand when having sex.

So look deeper. Make the sacrifice worth it.