Handle With Care
The thing about a submissive is that she needs someone to look after her. She will give and give until she has nothing left. She will forget to eat, forget to sleep and she will get exhausted and continue to push herself. She is a perfectionist on a mission. That being said, she needs to be looked after to function. She will stand up to every enemy there is for you, but she needs to be reminded that there is a bedtime, and that she can't run on just Redbull-Oh but watch her try. It's not raising her like a child..it's looking after her because she is so selfless she will take care of everyone but herself. Just listening to her, reminding her to stop working long enough to eat, and not stay up until 0400, trying to right every wrong in the world..that is not looking after, not holding her hostage and never letting her out of the house like an unruly teenager. The more you restrict her freedom, the more she will not want you or if you ignore her, she will not chase you. That is not her job. If she has chosen you, and you have agreed you have a responsibility not to leave her in subdrop, it is a whole new emotional hell for her. She is multifaucted to say the very least but there is physical and mental response that will leave her in a fog- you can't right the world and then act as if you have no responsibility for her. She will just shut down. If she let you into her world, if she trusted you not to hurt you and you check out she feels exhausted and used. She is used to this in her professional life, but not from some one she trusts with her heart and body. How would you feel if someone did that to your daughter? She's not your daughter but once you have accepted responsibility for her, ghosting her will kill her. It's even worse for a submissive because we bond with our people. We need to be acknowledged and we need not to be used but be of use, in a way we consent to. We can't stand not having control of any aspect of our lives. Those things have to be surrendered willingly, and we should always have input. The person with the most power in a D/s dynamic is the submissive. Negotiation never stops, and she is not a play toy, she is a human being with dreams and desires, often big ones. When you just "disappear" she will not chase you, if you don't want to be present in her life willingly she will never force you, and she will never tell you exactly how much you have hurt her. When she lumps you in with every other person who has hurt her, it is all but impossible to gain her trust again, and if you want her to it is on you to make the effort to fix what you broke.
A good Dominant knows her. Not just her coffee or her favorite candy. He knows when she is weak before she does. That is when he fiercely guards her. When she is hurt, by anyone he makes it his duty to make it right, to be her safe place. He is not just friend and lover but her biggest cheerleader and her support system. He is never above her enough to hold her together when the world is falling in, or she needs a rock to lean on.
She isn't a five year old in need of supervision, she is a grown woman who will never stop unless someone can get her to, and then she only does for her Dom. Only he has the ability to get her back to where she needs to be. He also has the ability to break her so deeply she turns cold. When she is able to not look at her Dom with adoration and respect, he is no longer hers, and she is no longer his. For him she will do anything, because he knows her, loves her, and wants to see her be the best she can be. He knows everything and know what buttons to push and when to hold her close, and fuck her fiercely. He knows how to quiet her mind when the doubts creep in and remind her she is not what her mind or others tell her.
The moment she feels used - you are losing her. The moment she is quiet, she is hurt. The moment she doesn't respond, she is building a wall to strong she will never let anyone past it. Unless you have taken something from her she can't ever get back, she will probably just let it be. If you have hurt her you have created damage the next man she dares if ever to trust, has to repair. Remember- Submission is gift given to you, her most precious one, and if you lie to her, abandon her, ignore her she will remove you from her life. The woman who once protected you, will never have any loyalty to you. If she can no longer trust you with her life, her heart, her safety, her physical and emotional wellbeing you have lost your princess and good luck getting her respect back.
She might metaphorically have a thicker skin, but she has a softer heart.