Celebrating wives who never kicked their husbands out of the bedroom

I have been married for 40 years and there is one thing I do not understand about some wives. I cannot wrap my head around why they use sex as a weapon. I have watched numerous television shows over the years where women make their husbands sleep on the couch after an argument. Making love should be a mutual expression of affection within a marriage and not something a wife controls by giving and taking. What gives one spouse the right to kick the other out of the bed he has been sleeping in during the course of the marriage?

I recently watched an episode of the 90s sitcom Step By Step where Carol was angry at Frank over something trivial. She threw a pillow at him and shut the bedroom door. The family members who witnessed this had looks on their faces that seemed to say: "Uh oh, you ain't getting any tonight." This is a scenario that has played out over the decades on numerous television programs and has always troubled me. The fact that this scenario is placed into sitcoms says something about society. It's very telling because the fact that it is so common indicates that those writing the scenes must know something about it first hand.

Withholding sex in a power play is no different than not cooking your spouse a meal, getting drunk, or not paying a bill in order to make a point. This is an attempt to control the narrative through manipulation and if such tactics are needed then where is the love. I personally find more power in having my husband desire me and express his joy when we are between the sheets. I don't believe there is anything wrong with a husband or wife who likes to please their spouse.

I have heard wives say their husband will be in the doghouse over some small infraction and will not be on the receiving end of any lovin on a particular night. Where did this notion come from that sex is some sort of a reward for good behavior that is revoked upon a misdemeanor? It reminds me of parents who tke away priviledgeso teach a child as lesson. Married adults however are not children and should not treat each other as such. There are reasons for such behavior as are outlined in the following link.

According to the Good Men Project, some women are taught at early ages that all men want is sex and are trained to use it as a weapon. My grandmother said often that boys only wanted one thing from girls but I have never even thought of making my spouse sleep on the couch because we argued. It's never crossed my mind to withhold the one gift that married people give each other that is not in other relationships.

In the following article, it states that women who withhold sex are being emotionally abusive. There are also women over the years who said they did not enjoy intercourse and felt it was a chore, something they were obilgated to do. In the books Queen by Alex Haley, and Jubilee by Margaret Walker they portray women married to platation owners as being thankful their husbands went to the slave cabins because they did not desire to accomidate them. Certainly there been men who wanted sex more often than their wives and perhaps the opposite may also be true.

I personally love every method my husband uses to express his love to me and look forward to hugs, kisses on the cheek or a swat on the backside. other women have expressed that they consider such behavior as groping them and are turned off by it. There are those who argue that sex is just sex and can happen without being in love and this is so true. When, however, two people take vows to love and cherrish each other, making love should be an expression of that love they share.

Keep in mind that this article is not about abusive relationships or marital rape. The issue here is women saying no because the husband came home late, smiled at the cute neighbor, or did not take out the trash. To all the wives who have never played games with their spouse in the bedroom, I salute you. Life happens, and couples are going to disagree. True power comes from making mature decisions rather than act like a child who won't let his sibling play with a certain toy.

Sex is not something that a wife gives a husband as a reward but is a gift that each share with the other. There are so many misconceptions regarding the sex act that cause women to respond a certain way. I can recall when my husband and I were dating and he gave me a pre-engagement ring. Several of my friends kept saying that no man gives a woman a ring unless he is "getting some." I had a cousin who in highschool dated 2 different guys who gave her rings but according to her she kept her virginity intact. This proves that certain stereotypes are not true.

Everyone has their own opinion on such subjects and we will all not always agree. I recall being told it must be boring to only have had one lover by several females. A mle relative had another perspective on the situation. He commented that I must be doing something right to keep a man satisfied for 40 years. These are two different opinions that prove that not everyone thinks alike. Again I am saluting all the wives who have not felt the need to play games, and power trip by withholding sex as a punishment and give it as a reward. You are to be commended and if no one else admires you, I do and I am sure your husband does as well.