Anal Sex: How to Make It Feel Good for Her

And If you do it right, it can be a really pleasurable experience for her.

Anal Sex: How to Make It Feel Good for Her
Photo by Yoann Boyer on Unsplash

Yes, this is one topic that is (almost) always taboo, even for the closest of friends.

One subject that, when it comes up, women whisper among themselves in hushed tones and stare at the ceiling and pray the conversation will die quickly. And men, when asked for it, quickly lose interest in sex of any sort after that. After all, when her pussy is right there, why would anyone stick it down her butt? Gross to even think, isn’t it?

That said, anal sex is not for everyone and only a select few would be opening the back door. And nobody should be shamed for liking it, but nobody should be shamed for disliking it, either. The anus, like the vagina, is a sensitive place, and nobody should ever feel the need to have to open it if they do not want to.

And the women who try it swing between extremes. They either love it or hate it. There is very little to choose in between. Most women have tried it at some point, resulting in one of two feelings: pain or pleasure. And if it was pain, she will not try it again.

However, if she is open to it, it can be a very different experience for her provided if you do it right. It’s a completely alien feeling that she isn’t used to, which makes it intriguing. And if you also add the stimulation of her clit along with the anal, you will send her into the rarefied boundaries of the sexual stratosphere.

Women get more intense orgasms from anal sex than the vaginal one simply because the rectum just sucks in the penis like a vacuum creating a truly orgasmic experience.

As Clarissa Silva, behavioral scientist says aptly.

Much stigma exists around anal sex, but for some women, it is their arousal and favored erogenous zone. For women who know that they like anal and express it, we should [remind her] why she shouldn’t be shamed. She is simply making a decision for herself that she is interested in having better sex.”

Yes, the taboo factor adds to the thrill. As a man you are doing something to her, you are not supposed to do and as a woman, she is yielding something to you which is the wrong one, the wrong hole to be precise. These things enhance her experience and intensify the pure pleasure that comes with an opening packed with the most sensitive nerve endings.

And if you execute anal sex technically correctly, with an aim towards supplying anal orgasms, you will be soon rocking her world apart. Anal is the cherry on top of a sexual sundae: a little extra delicious treat that elevates the sexual experience to a different level altogether.

And here are some things to be taken care of to make anal feel good for her.

She needs to REALLY say yes.

If you “accidentally” stick it in, you’re an asshole. There is something called consent and comfort. Accidental anal is just not OK.

Ask her firmly if she’s up for trying anal and thrash out any concern (even the smallest ones) before jumping into bed. If she is not game even 1%, you need to respect that. Remember if she is not ready or relaxed it is bound to be painful for her.

That said, there needs to be a solid level of trust between consenting partners and anal sex requires a higher level of trust than vaginal sex. A lot of painful, memorable mishaps can happen if you stick an overzealous penis down her butt and you need to win her trust and make sure that you do it properly(read responsibly). Sometimes, it takes a few tries to make it happen. And sometimes, anatomy doesn’t fit, or it’s painful for her.

if something doesn’t feel right: stop! Consent can be revoked or renegotiated at any time.

Start slow.

It’s crucial to start slow with butt sex. The right pace should be the one that works for her.

Start basic. start with something small, like a single (lubed) finger, and work your way up. You can also use a butt plug or a vibrator on the outside of her anus. The anus can be an uncomfortable place to be touched for the first time so you need to get her used to it. To help her get used to it, start with light butt foreplay before you try full throttle penetration. Anal sex requires more foreplay and patience, which increases the chances of orgasm.

Slow and low is the tempo, to begin with. Go as slow as you can and if something doesn’t feel right, stop and restart again.

Lubricate, lubricate, lubricate.

Goes without saying, right? Let us say it anyway, though.

· The butt doesn’t self-lubricate.

· It’s very sensitive to tearing.

These two facts make it absolutely essential to use lube and plenty of it.

As Irene Fehr, sex and intimacy coach tells us.

“Unlike the vaginal canal, the anal canal does not get lubricated, engorged, stretched or expanded, which means lube is essential.”

The best method to ensure that she is amply lubricated is to generously lubricate her on the outside of her anus and then insert lubricated fingers inside her to eliminate any friction. And before you slide into her, make sure you are also lubricated as well.

Can you do it without lubrication? Well… sure, yeah, you can but you should not as it can be unsafe. The friction can rip her anal tissue and which in turn even rip the skin of your penis, or the condom if you’re using one.

And why do you want to do it anyway? What do you want to prove? Masochism? Dominance? Don’t do it, be a real man.

Cleanliness is key.

The golden rule of cleanliness; do not go from vaginal to anal sex and back again, even with a condom.

The anus is home to a greater collection of bacterial than the vagina is, and some of these can cause infections like bacterial vaginosis to her. Also, the wall of the rectum is very thin and permeable, so safe sex is mandatory. Not only will condoms protect you against any stray fecal matter, but it will prevent downloading of semen into her butt. Semen can mix with the contents of her rectum and can make her sick.

Hygiene is important. Always use a condom, and go to the bathroom afterward to wash yourself, or even take a shower with her! It will be a great opportunity to cuddle even more with her.

Last thoughts.

Remember the anal is after all an exit, not an entrance so it can really really hurt if not done properly or if proper hygiene is not maintained.

You have to be prepared, she has to be doubly prepared and there is absolutely no scope for any asshole behavior in her asshole. So patience, trust, and communication is the key to an enjoyable and satisfying anal sex. It is the added stimulation, the intimacy, and the emotional intensity which makes it a truly memorable experience.

As Toni Bentley has rightly said.

“A man must have confidence in himself and his cock, to fuck a woman in the ass. If he does not have this control, his cock will direct the action; he will move too quickly, hurt the once-willing woman, and rarely, rightly, will he be given a second chance.”

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Ravi Shankar Rajan
Ravi Shankar Rajan
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Ravi Shankar Rajan

Ravi Shankar Rajan is a program director working in Mumbai, India..He writes on a variety of subjects ranging from programming,leadership, creativity and even dabbles a bit in poetry.

See all posts by Ravi Shankar Rajan