After The Final Step

Hey diary, it’s me again..

I haven’t written in you in about three days now. As you know, my high school days are now over, and I am looking forward to graduation day! I’m eighteen now, so I’ve been just trying to figure out my life socially. College was creeping up fast on me, and I don’t even know what college I would want to attend although I’ve applied for over ten. I haven’t really been home lately since my parents has been giving me the space to do my own thing. Being eighteen now, my best friend has showed me a lot of places to be like clubs and parties. And I have been doing me, but in a way I guess someone else has been “doing” me as well.

I had fallen in love with Keshawn, and I knew he had fallen in love with me. Our passionate moment a few days ago was deep and magical in a way. I could still feel the way he made my clitoris feel from sucking on it, to the pain from him entering me. And, when I say pain I don’t mean it in a bad way. I had been a virgin, so being penetrated was new and something I had to get used to.

The whole night he was making love to me he made sure I was comfortable and enjoying every moment of our love session. He would keep asking me questions like; “does it hurt?” “Do you need me to stop?” “Does it feel good when I go in deeper?” And honestly, him talking in my ear while grinding inside of me rhythmically just made it feel even better. We made sure to be protective and pull out before climax. Making each other feel even better with body kisses and cuddles. After awhile my body got weak from his touch, feeling tingly sensations from him rubbing all over me while being so gentle. Even in the shower afterwards, he washed me down and rinsed me off as I did the same for him. He even dried me off and carried me to the bed to lotion my body with oils and coco butter. I loved the way he would tend to me and find new ways to make me feel good.

I would realize the things I liked more than others. I enjoyed him sucking on my neck and nipples softly, and definitely enjoyed him licking all over my pussy, which I had to get used to saying. Using words like titties, ass, pussy, and dick were new to me because I never had a conversation that needed to include any of those words, and didn’t dare try saying them around my strict religious parents. But, with Keshawn I felt open enough to tell him what I wanted and how I wanted it. With him I could freely enjoy all emotions, sexual and non sexual. I could openly say “your dick feels good” to my man without feeling like it was a bad thing. I could also say “I hate chocolate ice cream” without him running to grab another flavor from the store with no hesitation. The weeks I’ve known him feels like months that are quickly turning into years. A man I see myself marrying. Creating a big family with many of our little babies running around our sweet home. I wanted to be a good mother like the one I have.

We are two years apart in age. I am eighteen and he is now twenty as of a few weeks ago. I am not a child, but my father still looks at me as so. I am now legal to make my own choices and love who I want to, although I fear my father will not be so fond of him once he realizes Keshawn isn’t big on religion like we are as a family. I NEVER did anything with Keshawn before I turned eighteen, but I know they would be disappointed I did not wait for marriage. I cannot help who my heart yearns for, and I can’t control my life on my parents wants and needs.

I had hinted to my parents that I have found someone, but quickly ended the conversation. You know how those conversations usually go. My father always being on his normal bullshit as usual.

Of course it started with my mother asking me about my day and how I’ve been feeling since turning eighteen.

I answered, “It’s been feeling really good, Mom. I’ve been getting real closer to my best friend since staying out longer and going places with other teenagers.” Which was true. When I wasn’t with Keshawn, I was with my best friend, Natasha who I’ve known since elementary school. The person who is the only reason I was with Keshawn now because she encouraged it so much.

“That’s great to hear. I don’t want college to be a weird experience for you…I admit we sheltered you a lot.”

“I think I even found someone who is really interested in me.” I admitted. I wasn’t the type to lie to my parents, and so losing my virginity of course bothered me a little knowing my mother didn’t know and would probably be disappointed for not waiting until marriage.

“A boy?” My father jumped in the conversation. “What boy? You go to an all girls school.”

“Yeah, but I’ve been going other places than school remember? And…he’s not a boy. He’s already in his first year of college. He just turned twenty.”

My father literally almost choked on his piece of salmon. “What are you doing talking to twenty year olds?”

“Dad, Mom is almost three years younger than you are.” I argued, which was new. My mother even gave me a look of surprise for speaking up. “We met just like how any normal people would meet.”

“He must not be religious if he hasn’t offered to meet us before trying to talk to my daughter. A man with no religion would be no good for you, and you know that.”

This is where my father and I would begin to separate from having a deep connection with one another. Why did he have to tell me what was good for me and what wasn’t? How would he know? Why did he always have to try and be so controlling over my feelings and emotions?

So, I didn’t stay quiet this time and be the “yes daddy” girl. I am so tired of being treated like a little girl when I am not one anymore. My father can’t tell me who to love and who not to love. I can’t control who my heart is meant to be with.

I told them I wasn’t hungry anymore and came right upstairs afterwards. I needed to talk to you again. My diary, you only listen without judgement and understand me as a person inside and out. The comfort I feel writing in you is the comfort I feel when I am talking with Keshawn.

Tomorrow, I will make plans for Keshawn to meet my parents to show them how serious we are with our love. He wouldn’t take something as precious as my virginity if he didn’t care for me truly. And honestly diary…I can’t wait to see him again so he can make me feel good all over again.

To be continued of course...

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