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You weren't there.

I turned away from him and grabbed hold of the edge of the kitchen bench. Willing that it would support me throughout this night. I had been cooking us some dinner when he arrived home. Drenched from the downpour that was slashing at our window. He had thrown the incriminating photos on the table demanding answers, I knew what the photos contained, after all I was there myself. Intoxicated, upset and looking for some affection I had found myself at an old friends place and in an awkward situation. As if in a movie scene, the kiss happened and than the realisation snapped in a moment to late but with the precise timing of the camera flash. I had ran out of there, dazed and confused, stumbled my way onto a street and managed to get myself home. Alex had stayed out that night working on a new film and had not realised the time I came home. I had not seen him in 72 hours until he burst through the door with the deepest look of hurt in his eyes. My eyes raw still from crying, not only from the kissing of another man but from the events that lead to me being there that were still etched in my mind, he had seen this it was clear he was now conflicted. I could see him wanting to reach out and not being able to. I attempted to speak but each time I opened my mouth i feared the treacherous tears would begin to flow and there would be no stopping it. I finally regained my strength, straightened up and turned to face him once more. I began to speak though he took that energy, burying it with his harsh words "Do you even want to marry me." This man had meant so much to me, we met and it was instant the attraction. It was a quick courtship and after only 7 months he had proposed. I had known long before than I had wanted this man though. He gave me such a feeling of safety, happiness and inspiration, this had to be the feeling they talked of when they mentioned 'the one'. Now, one kiss, one stupid, drunken mistake of a kiss had thrown him, making him unsure. Hurting now turned sinister as the anger in me grew. This man had no idea why I was there. As I looked up into his moss green eyes I told him steady. "I had an miscarriage. I wanted you but I couldn't get hold of you and so after I was discharged from the hospital I went to the closest bar. By chance, Nik was there, he saw how upset I was and so offered me a ride home. He asked after you and after mentioning you were working tonight he suggested I stay at his so I wasn't alone. Since I hadn't been for 7weeks." I knew it was cruel to add in exact numbers. I had been planning on telling him tonight the news was official. But that everything changed. Looking completely dazed and bewildered, Alex looked back at me with an emotion I could not describe. I turned away from him and realising my cooking had begun to burn I turned off the heat pushed it to the side and walked out of the kitchen. I had to get some space. I stepped out onto the balcony over looking much of Melbourne's CBD. Watching as it glistened in the heavy rain, sparkling further with each strike of lightning followed by the crack of thunder. Storms had always felt like a time of cleansing to me. A time when everything was brought to light, washed away and destroyed. Leaving only the new, fresh and clean. I closed my eyes bringing a small amount of relief to the burning sensation they had held. Taking a few deep breathes and using the wall as support I slipped down to the be seated on the ground. I curled myself up. Unsure of what would happen next. Time had no measure by the point when Alex Joined me. He sat next to me, unable to say a word i decided to relay the events that lead to this point. "Whilst at morning tea with those ridiculous bores of women who pretend to do charity work but instead have their faces plastered on posters I began to feel Ill, nauseous and dizzy. I excused myself but after standing up the dizziness became to much and I collapsed. From this point I have no recollection, but I am told the blood spilled out, soiling my dress. An ambulance was called and I awoke whilst riding back to the hospital. It was not until I'd been at the hospital for a few hours they confirmed my fear of a miscarriage. They could not give me a reason as to why, bad luck they said. I tried calling you every so often for the next few hours. I knew you were working and it was a long shot but I was so desperate. I wanted to have you with me. I even tried finding numbers of your other colleagues but got no where. I grew more and more upset and when they discharged me the thought of coming home to an empty bed and now an empty womb was to much. That's when i went into the bar and than you know the rest." My voice cracked on the last sentence. The last of my energy drying up.

By Chiara Ann VicaryPublished 3 years ago 4 min read
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You weren't there.
Photo by Timur Romanov on Unsplash

I turned away from him and grabbed hold of the edge of the kitchen bench. Willing that it would support me throughout this night. I had been cooking us some dinner when he arrived home. Drenched from the downpour that was slashing at our window. He had thrown the incriminating photos on the table demanding answers. I knew what the photos contained, after all I was there myself. Intoxicated, upset and looking for some affection I had found myself at an old friend's place. As if in a movie scene, the kiss happened and then the realization snapped. A moment too late but with the precise timing of the camera flash. I had run out of there, dazed and confused, stumbled my way onto a street and managed to get myself home.

Alex had stayed out that night working on a new film and had not realized the time I came home. I had not seen him in 72 hours until he burst through the door with the deepest look of hurt in his eyes. My eyes raw still from crying. Not only from the kissing of another man but also from the events that led to me being there were still etched in my mind. He had seen this it was clear he was now conflicted. I could see him wanting to reach out and not being able to. Attempting to speak, each time I opened my mouth tears would begin to flow and there was no stopping it.

I finally regained my strength, straightened up and turned to face him once more. I began to speak though he took that energy, burying it with his harsh words "Do you even want to marry me?" This man had meant so much to me, we met and it was instant the attraction. It was a quick courtship and after only 7 months he had proposed. I had known long before that I had wanted this man though. He gave me such a feeling of safety, happiness and inspiration. This had to be the feeling they talked of when they mentioned 'the one'. Now, one kiss, one stupid, drunken mistake of a kiss had thrown him, making him unsure.

Hurting now turned sinister as the anger in me grew. This man had no idea why I was there. As I looked up into his moss green eyes I told him steady.

"I had a miscarriage. I wanted you but I couldn't get hold of you and discharged from the hospital I went to the closest bar. By chance, Nik was there, he saw how upset I was and so offered me a ride home. He asked after you and after mentioning you were working tonight he suggested I stay at his, so I wasn't alone. Since I hadn't been for 7weeks." I knew it was cruel to add in exact numbers. I had been planning on telling him tonight the news was official. But that everything changed. Looking completely dazed and bewildered. Alex looked back at me with an emotion I could not describe. I turned away from him and realizing my cooking had begun to burn. I turned off the heat pushed it to the side and walked out of the kitchen. I had to get some space.

I stepped out onto the balcony overlooking much of Melbourne's CBD. Watching as it glistened in the heavy rain. Sparkling further with each strike of lightning followed by the crack of thunder. Storms had always felt like a time of cleansing to me. A time when everything was brought to light, washed away and destroyed. Leaving only the new, fresh and clean. I closed my eyes bringing a small amount of relief to the burning sensation they had held. Taking a few deep breaths and using the wall as support I slipped down to be seated on the ground. I curled myself up. Unsure of what would happen next.

Time had no measure by the point when Alex joined me. He sat next to me, unable to say a word I decided to relay the events that led to this point.

Whilst at morning tea with those ridiculous bores of women. The ones who pretend to do charity work but instead have their faces plastered on posters. I began to feel sick, nauseous and dizzy. I excused myself but after standing up the dizziness became too much and I collapsed. From this point I have no recollection, but I am told the blood spilled out, soiling my dress. An ambulance was called and I awoke whilst riding back to the hospital. It wasn't until I'd been at the hospital for a few hours that they confirmed my fear of a miscarriage. They could not give me a reason why. Bad luck they said. I tried calling you every so often for the next few hours. I knew you were working and it was a long shot but I was so desperate. I wanted to have you with me. I even tried finding numbers of your other colleagues but got nowhere. I grew more and more upset when they discharged me. The thought of coming home to an empty bed and now an empty womb was too much. That's when I went into the bar and then you know the rest." My voice cracked on the last sentence. The last of my energy drying up.

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About the Creator

Chiara Ann Vicary

By reading my stories you'll see I am no professional writer. I started writing as an escape. It helped me when I was in a very depressed mindset. Add in an overactive imagination. I started writing down what I would see I my mind.

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