You are the light of my life

Before you appear, you are a bright raindrop. -----------

If you understand the meaning of the word "grant," you will understand how wonderful that rainy evening was to me. I had closed the doors and Windows early, curled up on the couch and watched TV. The sound of the rain outside, like the sweaty cries of the craftsmen who walk the streets on a summer's day, wears away the hard rock and seeps into the soft soil of the community garden. I'm the only one in the house. I've lived here for four years, and I've spent almost every night after work and before bed like this. You can imagine a fuzzy, heavy bear hibernating on a couch with a hot water cup. If someone took a pair of scissors and snipped away all the fluff that felt comfortable, they would see a tired face.

The word gift goes hand in hand with destiny. Just like that evening, I listened to the sound of rain outside, my mind suddenly jumped out of a new idea: I should use the rain to take a bath. The bear came out of hibernation, ran frantically to the bathroom, and took out the wooden tub in which he bathed. I opened the curtains and the Windows, and the rain kept touching my face with the cold wind. The dark blue curtains blew up their skirts and trembled on the roof. I was awakened by this refreshing shower, tongue rolled up to lick the sweet rain on my lips. Beyond the window, deep black clouds and lightening were moving slowly towards me. I suddenly felt that I was going to be sucked into the rough clouds. So I reached out my hand with the wooden basin and leaned it out of the window to ask for what I wanted. The bright raindrops fell in the wooden basin, striking the old cracks and skin, making a clear sound, and then pooled into a lake. I looked down at the light water in the darkness and smiled. I imagined that at night, when I lay naked in it, the pure rain, coming from my ears into my body, washing away all the dirt, and finally flowing out of my mouth. Maybe you can't imagine it any more than I can imagine it. Suddenly, bang, from above, some dark shadow fell into the basin. I felt as if the heavy wooden basin was trying to break free from my hands and fall fast. But I clung to it hard, lest I should lose it. The rain in the basin splashed high waves, so that I could not open my eyes. I dried my face with my clothes and wiped off the rain. I opened my eyes and looked up.

That's my love, my life, my little white. In the thunder and the wind, she stood trembling like a lonely flower in a wooden basin filled with rain, her eyes because of pain and shed a few tears. Pink cotton dresses float on the lake, in full bloom. To my distressed plain small white, you looked at me in the summer rainstorm like this, expression from surprise to joy. I, on the other hand, caught sight of your immature but charming face until you yelled for me to carry you into the house.

I have countless times to hold the small white, listening to her quietly said that rainy night, happened upstairs. I have imagined for countless times that night, Su Xiaobai climbed trembling on the window of her home, holding the stainless steel railing with both hands, hesitating for a long time, the printed skirt was wet with rain, clinging to the white tender calf. Sometimes, and was lifted by the wind, small white stretched out a hand, want to make it quiet. Her mother had fallen asleep in her bedroom, and her father had died only the day before. The plain little white standing in the window is a flower, is a small and wayward petrels. She folded her crimson wings, then took a gentle step forward and fell straight down. Su Xiaobai said she thought she would spin around in the night sky, tangled with the rain, and be stripped of her soul and body by the cold concrete. But fate is not so, half a second later, plain small white found himself fell into a wooden basin filled with water, half the body is soaked in water. She tried to stand up in amazement. The death she had wanted and feared did not come at all. It came with a strange ease like a cold bath and a certain pain.

Then, plain white looked up and saw me wiping the rain on my face. She was just surprised for a moment, and then spread her wings and skirt again, it was a kind of rebirth of joy. At that time, plain white fifteen years old, she said, this is my gift. But I hinted to her countless times, you are the one I should be grateful for the gift of fate, strange but charming. Sometimes fate is sad, and sometimes it just presages another, greater wheel of fortune soon after.

I sat on the edge of the bed and looked at the wet plain white, who was wringing out the shoulder-length hair that had soaked up the rain. She looked at me sideways and said, Funny, what's your name? I thought it was cute of her to ask a man in his late twenties a question, so I told her seriously: My name is Su Cang. Plain white deliberately dragged the end note said: Cang Shu. Uncle Cang. I said: Yes, you are a little girl. Plain white could not help laughing out loud: who knows what you think. Then she slowly took off the little pink dress in front of my eyes, walked into the bathroom, and said slowly: Finally can have a good bath. Yes, that's what my naughty vegan said.

The basin of rain was used by her. She spent a lot of time in the wooden tub in the bathroom, and it was clear how much it was to be immersed in cool water in the summer. In this period of time, I can only think of small white lying in the wooden basin appearance to play sleepy. Get me a dress. Plain white shouted in the bathroom, and then I heard her climb out of the wooden basin, touched the ground, put on the slippers, there came a gentle sound of rain. I dug a clean white shirt out of the closet and slipped it through the frosted glass. Through the frosted glass, I dimly see plain small white that thin body, suddenly heart lit up a burst of desire. But soon I was wide awake. Su Xiao Bai, wearing the white shirt, my white shirt, opened the door and appeared in front of me. Her hair was still stained with undried water, her little white face was clean, and the white shirt, too big for her, fell over her knees and calves, swaying from side to side with her movements. Plain white body inside, as if empty existence. With a cheerful look on her face, she scampered around the room several times, then threw herself into bed. I breathed the air around me, filled with the cold taste of the vegetarian white body. Su Xiaobai lay down and put my sweaty sky blue quilt over her, her head resting on a soft pink pillow. She said to me in a mocking tone, This pillow is the same color as my dress. I ignored her and asked: Are you going to sleep here tonight? Don't you have to go home. Element small white murmured: she fell asleep, I don't want to wake her. I'll sleep in the bed tonight and you'll sleep on the floor. It's summer anyway. She, of course, was her mother. She could have slept through the night, not knowing that, in the middle of the night, during a thunderstorm, her daughter had attempted suicide.

In that quiet night when the rain gradually stopped, Su Xiao Bai curled up in the quilt on her side and slept soundly. I opened the curtain, let the light out of the window in, so that my baby's face was just outlined by the faint light soft outline, and I put the quilt on the ground, sitting not far from the plain white, quietly observing her sleep appearance, or even any slight flutter. I can't help but describe her in detail. Oh, beyond description. Her face had the features of that age, immature, yet delicate and clean. Her hair was black and bright and reminded me of the water plants in the sea. It smelled of wet sea. The eyebrows, curved in just the right way, and not far away, the long eyelashes, they pulsate with her sparkling eyes, and you've all seen those Hawaiian girls do the hula dance. After a long time, when I can hold plain small white without scruples, just really feel her cold body and heart beat. She was growing and emaciated. I loved to run my hands over her body, from her warm cheeks, her thin, dry shoulders, her protruding spine, her bone-pinching calves, and finally her surprisingly shy toes. I could feel her feeling in her eyes. She was an angel, or a goblin, in the bear's lonely life. Plain white has the loveliness and simplicity of a girl, but also has the common precocious and capricious, even evil, of all girls in this era. I can never imagine what she'll come up with.

The next morning, when I woke up, from the ground difficult to climb up, only to find that the small white is not in bed, the blue quilt was thrown at the foot of her bed, and the white shirt is well folded, on the bedside table. She stole upstairs in the twilight, opened the door, and went back to her bed. That's my guess. I took a shower, suddenly worried about this little girl, her pink dress I don't know if dry, maybe, still wet. After breakfast, I put on my shoes, opened the door, and prepared to go downstairs to take the subway to work. At this time, from upstairs came a jumble of footsteps, a dress plain woman holding the small white hand, slowly downstairs, I stood in front of the door, waiting for them to come to me. I really want to be in the plain small white that lovely and provoking helpless face gently pinch on a handful, but I did not dare to do so, I nodded to her mother, said: send children to school? The woman nodded back at me in greeting. Plain small white looked at my face, a sweet smile, her lips open, said to me: Cang Shu, good morning.

Uncle Cang sat at the table all day, thinking about the countless times he had met Su Xiaobai and her mother on the stairs, in the corner, in the parking lot below, in the garden. Small white wearing that pink dress squatting in the garden, holding the mother's stairs, feet issued a "tap" sound, in front of my door to press the doorbell, and then fled quickly. Those memories are the result of my efforts to dig, plain white face and figure are vague and ethereal, even let me doubt the memory of these girls is not her. Only when I think of the strange encounter outside the window under a thunderstorm last night, can I clearly see Su Xiaobai's wet dress and wayward and delicate face. The moment is indelible. Plain white in this way to prove her important to me, before, even if I saw her will ignore her, life is so wonderful.

Plain white always gets up quietly in the middle of the night and walks through her mother's bedroom to my house. And I, unable to sleep at night, listened attentively to all the sounds outside the door, until the familiar soft footsteps in the stairs, I knew my baby had come. When I opened the door for her, she hugged me on the belly, then let go and ran into the bathroom. She pulled the frosted door shut and in a moment there was the sound of running water. Plain small white formed a habit, she likes to take a bath in my bathroom in the middle of the night, whether in the wooden basin soaking or standing shower, will use a lot of her time. Then she put her underwear and skirt in my usual place for towels, put on the big white shirt, I gave it to plain white, because she liked it, she said, walking naked in your white shirt is like a gust of wind blowing at any time. Plain white also like to jump on the bed, face with silly look at me. With the slightly lifted clothes, I could faintly see the thin buff hair on her neck and thighs. I thought she was really a simple girl, a girl who seduced me in every way. Those nights are so similar and different, we like to stay together in the middle of the night, which has become a tacit understanding and habit of each other, which also includes the gap between a middle-aged man and a girl, but what does it matter? As long as I in those nights quietly looking at the plain small white sleep on the bed, turning over in the dream, listening to her non-stop grinding teeth, occasionally snoring softly, will feel that the world is no longer so boring and lonely.

On weekends that used to be filled with TV, I had something to look forward to. The seemingly well-bred middle-aged woman often takes her little daughter on rare holidays to have a picnic in the countryside or to go swimming in the river not far from the city. It is a famous swimming spot around here. The water is cool and clear and the flow is slow, and occasionally a small fish or two can be found playing on the bottom in the shallow water. In plain small white request, her mother always invited me to go together, so I and her mother also gradually familiar with each other. Her mother saw me as a friendly neighbor, a substitute for her father. She thinks plain white like me because plain white temporarily can not adapt to the fact of losing her father, she really need me such a person's existence. This made her mother very sad. To tell the truth, through getting along with me, I found that the woman was really simple and kind. She always kept a close distance from me and spoke politely. She always wore her wrinkled tights during picnic and swimming. I think she would kill me if she knew that my heart was filled with greed and lust for her beloved daughter. In contrast, plain white is pure crazy girl, wearing a swimsuit, swimming hard in the river, from time to time to drink a few gulps of water. Her skin glistened pale blue in the sun, and I looked into her mischievous mouth and thought this would be the best part of the afternoon.

Her mother told me one day while chatting, Su Xiaobai's father was walking down the street when he was hit by a train full of steel bars. One of the rusty steel bars drove hard through his chest.

Summer past, plain small white was sent by her mother in the west city boarding school for high school. When I heard the news from her mother's happy words, my heart suddenly became nervous. I wanted to make up a thousand reasons to prevent her from sending my lovely plain white so far away from me, but finally I could not say a word, just nodding silently. Plain small white seems not to care, she is still wearing my familiar skirt, carrying a big suitcase, to the crowded train walked, a happy smile on his face. She turned to me and said one last word before getting in the car. She said: Don't worry, I'll be back. Oh, my restless heart was immediately soothed by her. Yes, my baby go far, always come back, isn't it?

It was December when I saw Plain White again. The cold in winter makes me even less willing to go outside, except when I have to take the bus to work. Dressed in a thick down jacket, I cooked dinner in the kitchen, usually my signature egg fried rice and papaya bone soup. I sit at my desk and slowly eat them, spoonful by spoonful. Then I turn on the TV, strip off and get under the covers. The most comfortable time of the day comes: sleep. Late one night, I was awakened by a gentle knock on the door. I mumbled vaguely about who was bothering me at this time. I was extremely reluctant to climb out of the warm quilt on such a cold night, but the knock on the door was constantly ringing, more and more rhythmic, as if the people outside the door deliberately to the time of a song. I suddenly thought of her, yes, but she, who would do such naughty things in the middle of the night. So I got out of bed and ran to open the door in my nightdress, without putting on my coat. "Crunch" a sound, plain small white appeared in front of me. Dressed in a white padded coat and close-fitting jeans, she glanced at me, grimaced, and went into the bedroom. I looked at her stupidly, wondering. She was I see some impatience, said: you are not cold. I realized that my body was trembling, I did not know whether it was happy or cold. Small white grow tall, the body is also in development, not in the past as thin poor, or perhaps only