Wunderkind: Jia Aisu

"Art washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life"--Pablo Picasso

****

Unsweetened Mango juice.

It was disgusting, but it was all her instructors would let her drink besides water.

"You don't need any extra calories"

So she let the sickly thick juice wash over her teeth as she nervously sipped again and again from the plastic bottle.

Her heel smacked lightly against the floor as she wiggled her leg up and down, plastic bottle crunching between her fingers as she squeezed it harder and harder.

"Jia."

All went silent as she went rigid.

"...Jia Aisu."

She quickly rose, smoothing out the sheer skirt sticking to her tights.

The judgemental eyes of 75 other anxious young people glued to her skin.

"Right here."

The click of her pointe shoes had never been so loud as she walked through the stage door, and into the bright lights.

***

"How was it? I hope you didn't embarrass yourself...or me"

She shrugged and continued picking at the bland salad on her plate.

"Well it better have gone well, I spent lots of money just to get you into the auditions."

She winced at the clank of her step father's fork against the porcelain plate and the burp that ripped from his throat, just as disgusting as the words that left his mouth.

"Jax, lets congratulate instead of tearing down? We said we would work on that remember?"

Jia watched distastefully as her mother placed a hand on her husband's arm.

She spoke up, "I hope they went well too Jaxson."

She knew he hated being called Jaxson instead of dad, this was her rebellion even in a small way.

He adjusted his tie fiercely, "Miko I'm going to bed."

There was silence as they both listened to him climbing the steps and a flinch as he slammed the bedroom door.

"Why can't you just call him dad?"

"He isn't my dad."

Jia rose and dumped her plate into the trash, heaven forbid she throw food he paid for away in front of him.

"No one is saying he has to replace your father but-"

"He never will. And he doesn't deserve my respect."

Jia pinned her mother with a glare.

Miko Aisu had been so beautiful.

Not just her looks but her strong character, her incorruptible personality, and fierce attitude.

"Jia, your self worth does not depend on others. Not what they think, not what they say. You must be beautiful to yourself, you must be a legend to yourself before you are anything to anyone else."

It was these powerful bedtime speeches that had Jia entranced.

It was these powerful words that made her almost idolize her mother, that had her looking up through her feathery bangs in awe at this spectacular woman before her.

This woman had been a glorious dancer back in Taiwan. Notorious for the strength behind each movement.

She'd given it all up for her baby. This baby that meant more to her than anyone knew.

Now though she was not so spectacular, at least not to Jia.

She still had her looks but the ferocity and independence that characterized her as the strong woman she was had been shattered.

After they were forced to leave home and come to America, Jia had slowly watched her mother deteriorate.

She slowly lost her awe and respect as Jia watched her become a fragile woman hanging onto every word and movement of a man she didn't even love.

"Sometimes we have to do things we don't want to do to benefit ourselves. No matter how painful and distasteful."

Jia had refused to participate in the wedding. For a while she felt guilty about the tears her mother shed at her refusal.

None of the bridesmaids knew Miko, not even the maid of honor. They were all family of Jaxson. Red headed, haughty sisters and brothers and cousins who'd been promised their own special role in the ceremony.

This man was the bane of Jia's existence.

She now again felt the guilt that came with her cold attitude toward the woman she had once been so close with.

"I'm going to bed too. I have an early class tomorrow."

Her socks had never sounded so rough on the wooden steps before.

She climbed to the sound of her mother's tears.

"All my life I've been in love with the sky. Even when everything was falling apart around me, the sky was always there for me." -- Yoko Ona

He was on the phone with his girl friend.

She could hear his crude comments and her breathy giggles through the crawl space behind her closet.

She sat here rummaging through a small, plain box. Lightly caressing each of the 4 photos the box held.

They were all of her late father. Yusuf Aisu.

Jaxson made them get rid of everything that reminded them of him. Anything that represented him in the slightest.

He'd said it wasn't right for a man to live in a house where he was constantly reminded of the role another man had played in the life of his wife.

He'd claimed it was a suggestion. But the way he said it and the fingernail marks on her mother's arms the next morning as she hurriedly stuffed piles of Polaroid photos into garbage bags told otherwise.

Jia refused to give in. She'd lied, said all of her memorabilia was with her mother.

Jax had believed her thinking, at the time, that she had no reason to lie to him. Her mother had watched the floor the entire time.

So here she sat in dim candle light gazing at the photos she'd memorized so well.

Finally she pulled a package wrapped in cellophane from the bottom of the box.

Her first pair of ballet slippers.

He'd come home from work, his overalls greasy from machinery oil and presented her with these beautiful pale slippers.

"Jiji. You will conquer the world in these. It is not about the shoes themselves but what you do with them, what you make of them, what you allow them to represent. Not even the sky is your limit."

Miko had teared up at the sight, a reminder of her own past dreams now a part of her little girl's life.

Jia had loved them ever since. Out of the few presents her father was able to afford for her these meant the most.

These defined her.

These made her Jia Aisu.

And no matter how hard Jax made it for her to continue to love her art, Yusuf was the starting place. He was the reason she kept fighting, kept dancing.

And even once these slippers were piles of dust that slipped through her fingers, she'd remember her father by the sky.

It was not her limit.

She heard Jax hang up the phone and she quickly repacked everything and exited the closet, barely throwing herself into her desk chair as he pushed her door open.

"Why is this closed?"

She pretended to be preoccupied with her homework.

She held her breath as he slowly moved towards her and pulled away when his breath touched the tops of her ears.

"Why can't you just listen to me? If you were obedient, this wouldn't be an issue."

She recoiled at the burning touch of his fingertips on her shoulders.

"Get out."

She hopped up from her chair and sprang across the room.

One fluid motion, as beautiful as a simple dance move but filled with fear.

The demonic grin that graced his face held a promise of horrible things.

But he left as the creak of her mother's tiny feet echoed up the steps.

***

"Turn in your assignments and we will begin the lecture."

It smelled of coffee, lemon scented wood cleaner and pencils.

Jia quickly opened her laptop the ding of the power button mixing in with several others.

Lost in a sea of unoriginality.

She took another disgusted sip from her mango juice.

"I don't know why you keep drinking that."

She looked over at Celina, who was adjusting the mauve hijab upon her head.

"If you don't like it, don't drink it."

"It's not that simple Lina."

Celina shrugged and turned back to her laptop, prepping it for the day's lecture as she continued to speak.

"This class is so boring. Her lectures are so boring...ugh. If I doze off nudge me would you."

Jia suppressed a laugh.

"Sure."

"Actually do it this time. I don't have time to write an extra 30 page essay to compensate for the "wasted time".

She rolled her eyes but cracked a grin anyway.

They both giggled a little but soon the discussion turned serious.

"No really though. The twins' conditions are not improving."

Jia's face became solemn at the mention of the beautiful baby boys, Halil and Jhalil.

Celina was also a first generation. And like Jia, she'd lost a parent before making her trek across many borders.

She was now officially the woman of the house. Her father was often not home, working his way through the corporate ladder.

It was Jax's constant complaining and insensitive racist comments about the man that had made Jia seek out Celina's company.

Her original intents had been simply to spite her step father but along with it she'd made a wonderful and loyal friend that understood her.

"What have the doctor's been saying?"

Celina sighed heavily.

"They won't make it past the age of 14."

The boys had Tay-Sachs disease. A rare genetic disorder. The mother had blamed herself and so had taken her own life.

No one within the family ever blamed her for the misfortune that befell her sons but her post natal depression had become too much for the woman to handle.

Jia wanted to tell Celina it would be alright, that hope was all she needed to have.

But she'd stopped lying to herself so she felt wrong for instilling false hope when they both knew it did no good.

So instead she gripped her hand as the professor began to speak.

"You were meant to be here. The universe worked for billions of years to create you. Whole stars lived and died for you to exist...you rose from their ashes...what a miracle you are, you living, breathing thing. You have a place in this universe. You were meant to be here." -- @van_oku

When she entered a practice room, she never looked in the mirror.

There was no need. She knew what she looked like. She looked like her father.

And looking at her own face was like a bullet to the chest, the same bullet that had been ripping through her left breast everyday since then.

This time was no different.

She entered the dance room she'd reserved for the next 3 hours, chin glued to her chest as she closed the metal door behind her and gazed at the familiar wooden dance floor.

This was home.

Here she could be alone and not worry about Jax's predatory and abusive behavior.

She didn't have to hide how she yearned for her father, didn't have to hold back her emotions.

She didn't have to hear her mother's consistent weeping.

Here she could fill the space with classical music and she could control what happened. She could control the very particles of dust that floated through the air.

Jia switched on the stereo to classical music, eyes still avoiding the mirror, and began to stretch and float through the basics of ballet.

First position, second position, ball change, third position, fourth position, chasse, chasse, end in fifth.

She slowly made her way through her performance. Drawing out each step, each limb, as her eyes welled with tears and black streaks adorned her face.

The music was cheerful yet it had been her father's favorite song.

"This is the song your mother first danced to for me. She was embarrassed, claiming her dancing wasn't that great, that it was too generic to share with those she loved. You know what I told her Jiji? Anything she did was beautiful. Nothing she did was generic but it was all unique. That anything she did, no matter how many times, was new to me and awe inspiring."

Jia gave out a choked sound between a laugh and a sob and collapsed as the last trembling notes sprang through the speakers.

The slow clap that erupted behind her made her jump and immediately she was on her feet, a defensive stance taken.

Jaxson had snuck up on her way too many times for her to let her guard down for even a moment.

Quickly she wiped the rivets of tears from her face but her stance relaxed slightly as her gaze landed on an older gray haired woman.

Jia watched her in confusion as she slowly hinged over and used her cane to stand from her seated position.

As soon as she was on her feet she continued her slow clap.

The sound was eery in the empty space.

And Jia felt violated. Who was this woman? This was her home and the privacy had been invaded. She couldn't control this.

She'd revealed so many emotions that she'd done so well hiding for years in a matter of five minutes to a complete stranger.

The sanctity of the studio had been lost.

"Who are you?"

A sour look donned her face as she kept her gaze locked on the older woman.

"That is not important deary."

"Don't call me deary. Why are you in here? I reserved this specifically for myself."

She gestured towards the door.

"Private session. That means no other people."

The older woman cracked a grin.

"That dance there was beautiful."

Jia fought the urge to thank her.

The woman's smile was quickly lost. As a look of concern and sympathy washed over her features.

"But I noticed something wrong."

"And what would that be?"

Jia rolled her eyes but inside she was curious.

She hadn't been dancing for perfection, she was fueled by emotion.

"You're dancing was beautiful. It was emotionally charged, it was real. But you never looked in the mirror."

The older woman stepped towards the door.

"Ballerinas keep their chins up sweetheart. You remind me of a young woman I used to know. She was just like you-"

"You don't know anything about me."

"Very true deary. But do you know yourself? You never will if you can't even face your own reflection. Chin up."

The woman slipped through the door quickly and Jia began to wonder if she'd simply imagined her.

***

"You're late."

"My session ran longer than expected. I had some moves I needed extra practice on."

"I don't want excuses. Keys."

Jax sticks his hand out.

Jia examines the veins snaking through his wrist wondering which one she could stab him in that would kill him on the spot.

She dropped her car keys in his hand. This meant she was stuck in the house all weekend.

She didn't even bother to glance at her mother.

She knew she wasn't going to say a word, and protesting would only make the situation worse.

They'd had to pull some strings just for Jax to allow her to have the car.

"Go sit down."

He practically spat in her face as she stepped past him.

"Finally we can eat. If it weren't for this selfish child I wouldn't have had to starve myself."

Her mother sniffed.

Jax dug into his usual hamburger.

And Jia picked at her bland salad.

"When you fill your mind with conditions, rules, and expectations, you hinder yourself from growing. Remember that." -- Dauvoire

Jax was at work.

He said he'd been called in to handle some extra paperwork on a deal that needed to be settled immediately.

Said the future of the company was riding on his shoulders.

Jia knew he was lying but was glad he was gone.

She was forbidden from leaving the house since she showed up 30 minutes after her 7:00 pm curfew.

She'd tried to stay in her room to avoid her mother.

But inevitably she had to come out at some point, and of course her mother was seated at the dining room table with a cup of tea in front of her.

Jia sat with a bowl of lucky charms and slowly ate each spoonful. Savoring the hint of rebellion in every taste.

"You aren't supposed to be eating that."

Jia didn't even glance in her mother's direction.

"...Jiji-"

"Don't call me that. You don't have the right."

She didn't mean to lace her words with such venom. But the bullet was back, and the pain made her do things she regretted.

Miko sighed, "you are upset with me."

Jia stayed silent, the sugary marshmallows suddenly tasting like acid on her tongue.

"You've never given me the chance to explain."

"You never offered."

Jia still avoided eye contact and pushed the still full bowl of now colorful milk and soggy marshmallows away from her, it hit the floor.

Miko pushed back her chair and rushed in with a dry towel to soak up the spilled milk.

"What became of you mom?"

Miko sighed. "We can't let this milk ruin the wood. Jaxson will not be happy."

"Momma stop it!"

Jia grabbed the towel from her mother and threw it harshly across the room. Her sight was blurred by tears.

"What happened to you? You are...nothing. You are weak..."

Jia pressed a hand to her lips, suppressing a sob as her mother stood slowly and sat back down.

"You are angry with me for things beyond my control."

"Then explain!"

Jia slammed her palms into the marble table. She was aware that she was acting like a child but didn't she have the right?

After all the pain and the suffering and the lack of even one "it's alright" from her own mother?

But rather multiple "sit downs" and "behaves" and "just obeys"?

"It's not that simple. I had to wait until you were ready. Until you were of the age to fully comprehend the truth about the past. But I see that I no longer have a choice in this matter."

Jia remained silent and so her mother continued, diving back in time to when she was a young dancer.

*** 1980 Taiwan***

Roses landed softly around her feet as she maintained her position long enough for the velvet curtain to seal her off from the crowd.

Applause echoed from the crew and her fellow dancers as she made her way off the stage.

"Wonderful performance Koko."

Miko shrugged away the hands of her parents.

They were false supporters. They'd abandoned her when she first expressed her desire to take up the art.

They'd refused to finance her lessons or any part of her journey.

Only expressing their apologies when her fame spread across the country and everyone knew the name Miko.

"Koko, you can't keep ignoring us like this."

Her mother pitched in, "your father is right. Especially in front of the paparazzi. The tabloids aren't saying very nice things."

"Should they be saying nice things about you?"

She threw open her dressing room door and marched inside, failing at slamming the door in their faces as they rushed in after her.

"Miko do not speak to us that way. We are your parents. Without us you wouldn't be-"

Miko laughed harshly.

"I seem to distinctly remember you abandoning me. Telling me no child of yours would be something as foolish as a dancer."

Her mother winced as her father spoke up.

"We are not perfect. We have made some grave mistakes we wish we could take back. But that doesn't mean-"

"Get out."

Both of their necks snapped to her in shock. She continued to dab at her sweaty neck.

"Get out before I have security drag you out. You are not welcome here. Everything I am I have done myself. Everything I have accomplished was without your help or support. Only one person ever supported me. I worked three jobs to finance my own lessons, to put myself through the necessary things to reach my goal. So do not sit here and tell me you made me. Because you did not."

That day 19 year old Miko had basically told her parents to stay out of her life. She'd told them she pretty much didn't claim them as her parents.

But she hadn't meant it. A moment of anger can cause people to do and say things they regret.

Her moment of anger lasted for three years.

At the age of 22 she sat on the couch next to the phone just staring at it.

She was tired of being alone. She missed her parents and the rest of her family.

So she called them.

They answered the phone with joyful tears.

"Koko is back everyone. She's returned to her home."

Miko was finally ready to accept her family.

It was all over the tabloids.

The Great Dancer Forgives Family After Horrific Treatment.

It was no secret how her family had abandoned her.

But she had forgiven, and so the rest of Taiwan was ready to forgive them too.

She pulled into her childhood home's driveway for the first time in three years and simply stared at the pale yellow house.

The familiarity washing over her.

She wasn't able to sit long before the door was thrown open and family members rushed at her in one continuous line.

She fought back the urge to think about how fake this was, remembering that she missed them. They were her family and she loved them.

Someone once told her, grudges make you have an ugly personality.

***1986 Taiwan***

Her mother presented many men to her.

"This one is tall and muscular. He has a very good head on his shoulders and business is good for him."

"That one is a little on the short side but he can make his money into stilts."

They all had one thing in common, riches.

"Momma? Did you marry Dad because he was rich?"

Kami froze.

"That is not the point. We want what is best for you. What will happen when your dance is over?"

But Miko had already fallen in love with a factory employee.

Yusuf Aisu was the one person that had really been there for her when her family shunned her for her choice in career.

Sure the entire country had been rooting for her. But would they have even noticed if she hadn't made it so big?

They were nameless faces in a sea of flashing camera lights telling her repeatedly how unloving her family was amongst the requests for photos and autographs and VIP passes to her next show.

But Yusuf hadn't even known who she was. He didn't know what made her THE Miko. He just knew she was a beautiful girl in need of real love.

He found her crying outside a bar and cared for her that night.

He became the companion of a girl surrounded by admirers but still alone, lost and afraid.

He loved her for Miko, not Miko's talent, or Miko's money.

He had been a musician at the time. But he had no family whatsoever. He was a lost orphan out trying to be the next musical prodigy.

So he played her a song on his viola and she danced to it.

Two pieces of a puzzle they were, her steps matched with each one of his perfect notes.

Unable to keep up with the financial burden of music school he had to let go of his dream but supported Miko in all she did.

She obviously fell in love with him.

Miko knew however that her family would not approve of her decision because Yusuf was not rich, even in the slightest.

Yet she figured that they would be accepting, considering the recent past.

How wrong she was.

Miko still remembered the disgusted faces of her parents as they took in the humble dress shirt, slacks and tie that donned her boyfriend's body.

They'd thought the situation a joke. Assuming Yusuf was there to apply for an open position in the house staff.

They showed no remorse in making him feel very uncomfortable and unwelcome.

"Miko. This poor boy does not deserve to even kiss the bottom of your foot."

"With all due respect ma'am. I am well aware I do not deserve your daughter. Even her pinky finger is too precious for a humble man such as me. But I plan to care for her and show her all the respect and love a human being can give another."

Her parents regarded him with icy stares before returning their attention to a red faced Miko.

She stood, shaking with rage.

"I don't think you understand. This is my life. No, our life."

She clutched her still flat stomach.

"We will raise this child together. And it is up to you whether or not you are willing to be a part of this family. If you leave my life now. Don't expect to ever come back."

They tried to take her money.

They tried to take Yusuf.

They tried to take her baby.

But Miko Aisu was a strong-minded woman and she never let go easily.

"The you today, is not the you of yesterday. Always evolve. Always be better than your past self. That's key." - Dulce Ruby

"Tell me again."

Miko shifted uncomfortably in her seat.

"Jiji-"

Jia curled her hands into fists, "tell me."

Miko sighed heavily, "your father's dying words were: "Miko. The sheep is never stronger than the bear. The gazelle is never stronger than the Cheetah. But sometimes they can be smarter. Strong is good. But your intelligence will get you there."

"You lost both."

Miko sighed. "There are reasons why I chose Jaxson. I chose him with you in mind. It is my responsibility to care for you-"

"With me in mind?!"

Jia threw her hands up in disbelief. "Mom, he hates me. He's abusive. He's unreasonable and overpowering."

Jia hated how her mother simply watched the ground, her coal-black eyes simply skimming over the lines of the glossy marble.

"It is true, he is all of those things."

"His family doesn't even acknowledge our existence!"

Miko simply nodded.

"That is true as well. But as an immigrant mother, what choice did I have? I came here a widow with small child. No money, barely knowing any English-"

Miko finally looked up, the blazing fire behind her eyes made Jia flinch.

The front door clicked, and her mother's body seemed to shrivel up as her face returned to a neutral state.

Jia watched for another sign of the old Miko. Fierce, outspoken and independent. But she was gone.

Jia withheld her sigh as Jax clomped down the hall, beady green eyes surveying them with suspicion as soon as he turned the corner.

"I thought I banned these suspicious meetings. Jia get upstairs."

Jia eyeballed her mother one more time before rising slowly from her seat.

This time as she walked away, she walked away strong, she walked into a new story, a new future.

A future where she would be strong for herself, for a mother that was silenced and oppressed.

She would fill the slippers of Miko Aisu and keep the legend alive.