Wedding Day Chocolate Cake Prank
Aunt Hazel knew my marriage was doomed
I know it’s tradition for the bride and groom to feed each other a bite of cake on their wedding day. I don’t care for chocolate cake. I prefer strawberry or vanilla. But my fiancé said chocolate cake with buttercream icing is his favorite so I conceded. It’s not that big of a deal anyway. I just asked that he give me a small bite when it came time for that part of the celebration. He winked and said, “Anything for you babe.”
“Anything? Really? How about chocolate vanilla swirl,” I thought, but didn’t say anything.
Our wedding day was perfect all the way up to the reception.
We cut a slice of the chocolate cake together. His hand over mine. My sparkling 2 carat diamond wedding ring reflecting the promise of our bright future together.
We placed the chocolate cake slice on a 24k gold trimmed saucer. I seductively fed him a bite. He licked his lips, winked at his best man standing near me, then grabbed the top tier of chocolate cake that is normally frozen to celebrate a couple’s one year anniversary, and shoved it in my face! It got all in my hair and all over my white wedding dress. I threw up my hands in disbelief.
His frat buddies roared with laughter, like it was some Saturday night prank. Tears sprang to my eyes. Had I just made the mistake of my life? What pleasure could he possibly find in smearing chocolate cake in my face?!
He wiped the cake and tears from my face then whispered in my ear, “I’m going to do this to your whole body tonight.”
My fairytale world shattered at that moment. I threw my wedding ring at him, stormed out the door, and vowed to not have cake at my next wedding!
He chased after me, apologizing profusely, saying that his college buddies had instigated the whole thing. “They bet me I couldn’t do it. They said it would make a vanilla wedding memorable,” he said, still smiling.
“I can’t believe you would do that to me on our wedding day. You ruined my dress, our pictures, the cake, everything,” I said as I brushed more cake out of my hair and dress.
“I’m sorry babe. Please put back on this ring and stay with me. Don’t be so dramatic,” he said as he kissed my hand and slid the shiny diamond back on my finger.”
“Okay, but don’t you ever do anything like that again. Do you understand? I won’t stand for being the butt of your jokes between you and your friends.”
“Deal,” he winked, then dragged me back into the reception hall. Our family and friends clapped, whistled, and raised their glasses to cheer our quick reunion.
“Get out now,” my aunt Hazel said as I walked past her table. She had been a widow since I was in fourth grade. I overheard my mother and grandmother talking one day that they wouldn’t be surprised if Hazel killed her husband because he would beat on her every time he drank hard liquor.
I remember Aunt Hazel coming over to stay for a few days with a black eye. I asked her what happened. She said she was blind as a bat without her glasses and ran into things when she got up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. Sounded reasonable to me. I couldn’t see very well without my glasses either.
I took a quick shower and changed into some comfortable clothes. The rest of the reception was nice. I calmed down as I opened our extravagant gifts: tickets to Europe, keys to a new Cadillac SUV, more fancy appliances than I would use in my lifetime.
As we took the limo to the hotel, my aunt’s words kept ringing in my ears, “Get out now.”
Her words haunted me for two years as my husband continued to pull his pranks like throwing lighted fireworks under my chair during a family cookout on Independence Day, dunking my head under water repeatedly when we went swimming, tripping me as I was setting the table. He thought all these things were funny, but it humiliated and infuriated me.
Today, I pulled a prank that I think he and his buddies may appreciate. I had divorce papers served to his home away from home, the golf course!
I sold my wedding ring, packed some clothes in my SUV, and am heading to Nashville to visit my Aunt Hazel.