This piece was for a writing contest with NYC Midnight. The prompt was to write a 100 word Micro-fiction piece. I was given "Suspense/thriller" for my genre. I had to include the action of "digging a hole" and the word "super". I ended up getting Honorable Mention for it. Please enjoy:
I saw my opening and sprinted through the back door. The fence was impossible to jump, so I only had one choice: digging.
As I burrowed, the soil built under my nails, but I had to get away.
I panicked, hearing footsteps on the porch, yet there was no time to look back. This was my only chance.
I dove into the shallow hole, splayed out like Superman flying under the fence.
I tried wriggling my way through, but suddenly felt hands on my legs, and was being dragged backwards into the yard again.
“Silly dog. You can’t escape bathtime!”
WHAT THE JUDGES LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY -
Judge 1: Of course, this is a cute story with a lot of fun spirited humor in it. I like it when child literature can get mixed in with another genre. Great job.
Judge 2: Oh my gosh, this was a cute short story! I liked the sense of the dog's desperation as he realized his only option was to dig. The description of him "splayed out like Superman flying under the fence" was adorable. I laughed as he was caught, and as we learned that it was bath time. This was a fun ending to an entertaining tale. :)
Judge 3: What a fun read! There was a great level of suspense throughout; you'd never guess by its tone that this is a story about a dog trying to avoid his bath. I love that, though — it can be really refreshing when there's an otherwise tense, nerve-wracking story that ends up having the most harmless and wholesome ending. I liked how visual this story is, as well. Creative use of the prompts!
WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK -
Judge 1: This is just a minor suggestion: would it funny to see the dog try to jump first? I think it would simply add to the suspense and lightheartedness of the piece. If you want to, and need to delete some words, I'd recommend "built" "hearing" "yet" "out" "flying" "tried" "suddenly" "being" "again". I wonder if you can address this, but that's only a suggestion.
Judge 2: I wonder if the next step in your writing might be to really "dig in" to the fact that your protagonist was a dog. Without telling us directly, could you show us with some more clever references to dog behavior? For example, could you refer to his nose, the way he could smell, or his coat or whiskers? Could he shout as he went, or could his paws slip and slide as he skittered out the back door? Could you inject more of a sense of urgency and panic into the race to get away, and more of a sense of frantic energy as he tried to dig his hole?
Judge 3: While I loved the twist at the end that our protagonist was a dog just trying to escape from the yard, it could perhaps be funny if there was some more foreshadowing of this throughout. For example, as he digs under the fence, he could mention his hair getting caught on something — or in this case, his “fur.” Perhaps that makes it a bit too obvious too early on, but the gist being that if the reader were to look back, they could piece together moments in hindsight that reveal this was a dog before it was even directly stated. This is just some food for thought! Excellent work on this story!