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Under the Dogwood Trees

Book I, Grief: Chapter 4.

By CJ FloresPublished 10 months ago Updated 10 months ago 11 min read
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*Trigger Warning: Topics of SA in this chapter.*

‘Stop’ Bobby pleaded, tears rolling down the sides of her cheeks. ‘Please, stop.’ The room was dark, save for the sliver of light coming from the bottom of the door. She could not see the man, but she knew he was there. His presence was discernible no matter how conscious she was. His presence was suffocating.

‘Oh, my sweet rose,’ the man said from somewhere in the shadows. ‘Oh, my sweet rose how much did you take?’

‘Leave me alone.’

‘Keep it down,’ the man snapped. ‘Do you want to wake your sisters?’

‘Please, stop,’ Bobby whispered, fearing the man would turn his sights on Irene and Stacey.

‘She must have built up a tolerance,’ he said aloud to himself. ‘My sweet rose, answer me, how much did you take?’

‘Nothing, I took nothing.’ She said in defiance. This was the only thing she could control, the only power she maintained in the toxic throes of her suffering.

‘You have to take it; it will make this easier for both of us.’

‘Go away,’ she cried. He placed his cold hand on her arm. Bobby tried to move away, but his body lay on her, immobilizing her on the bed. I have to give him what he wants, she thought, giving into the burden. If I don’t, he will go after my sisters, they don’t deserve this.

He reached into his pocket and grabbed four tablets, ‘Take one,’ he said placing them into her hand. ‘Take one and forget. Make it easier for the both of us.’

Bobby felt the four small tablets in her hand. The tablets that made her forget these encounters. The tablets that left behind the emptiness. I have to do this, she thought. I have to do this, or he will go after them. She reluctantly placed one of the tablets into her mouth. ‘There you go,’ the man said. ‘It will all be over soon.’

Suddenly, the door flew open. Bobby looked to the door and saw Lou Jean standing in the doorway, the light from the hall shining into the room revealing the hidden memories that were always cast in the shadows. She looked at the man and saw the side profile of her father leaning on her. Her heart sank. This isn’t real, Bobby thought to herself. In a swift movement she placed the other three tablets into her mouth and swallowed. The commotion around here seemed to fade away as she waited for the sweet release of death.

Bobby woke in a spell of fear and worry, my sisters, she thought. I have to save my sisters. She tried to stand but felt paralyzed, wrapped up in the foreign comforter. She felt her way around the bed and found Marcus lying next to her. It was all a dream. My sisters are safe, the man can’t hurt them. It was all a dream. It wasn’t real. But no matter how much she tried to console herself, the dream clung to her like a leach suckling the life from her. It wasn’t my father. She thought, it was just a dream, a horrible nightmare that clings to the face you know well and places them in a situation that wouldn’t happen. Your memory is lost to the sands of time, but Lou Jean knows. Bobby clung to the memory of Lou Jean standing in the doorway. She knows, if I want any sense of closure, it will be with her.

Marcus was leaving that morning on a business trip out of state for a month. Bobby had grown accustomed to having him around the house since the last attempt, but she knew that this would not last forever. He kissed her on the forehead and headed out the door trying not to wake her, but she had been awake since the nightmare violently tore her from her sleep.

To keep her company, Arlene, Marcus’s sister, would be dropping off her children to have Bobby watch over them. Bobby had not seen her niece and nephew since they were two and five, nearly four years ago. Bobby stayed in her own world, wrapped in the comforter afraid of their impending arrival. What will I even do with them? she thought to herself. They will hate me all the same.

There was not much to be done to prepare for the children’s stay. Marcus had already reorganized the spare bedroom for Jamison and Johanna to sleep in. All Bobby could do was wait for them to arrive. But Bobby could not get out of bed to save her life. She lay in bed most of the morning. I should get up, she thought, still clinging to the comfort of her bed. I should get up, but what would be the point? The heavy feeling seemed to only intensify with every passing minute. The impending arrival of the children only filled her with more pain.

Arlene arrived at the doublewide in the afternoon. Bobby had fallen asleep several times waiting for her arrival. Arlene pounded on the door waking her from her deep sleep. Bobby made her way to the front door and opened it. Arlene scowled at her as her stout frame blocked most of the screen door. “About time, I have been here for 30 minutes Bobby,”

“Oh, Arlene, sorry I must have fallen asleep.”

Arlene’s impatience was palpable. “I don’t understand why y’all live so far out from Henderson, I got lost. Those damn roundabouts get me so confused.” She huffed as she brought the children’s backpacks into the house. Bobby tried to offer her help, but Arlene scoffed at the idea. Implying that she would only get in her way. Arlene was a stubborn woman and it showed in her disposition. She was pragmatic and dull. A short-tempered woman with what seemed a constant furrowed brow since her divorce. Her children to her were burdensome. Bobby watched anxiously, nervous to have children born from such a woman in the doublewide. Oh, they will hate me more than their mother does, she thought to herself. This was a terrible idea. The worst idea Marcus had since he married me.

Bobby got out of the doublewide and walked on to the front porch preparing herself to meet the children again after so many years had passed.

As Arlene got around to unbuckling Johanna, she looked at the porch for the first-time noticing Bobby’s knew form. Arlene’s brow furrowed as her eyes met the drooping left side of Bobby’s face. Bobby thought she had seen some kind of sympathy cross Arlene’s countenance, but it was quickly swept away as Arlene continued her task of dropping her children off with the stranger.

Arlene unbuckled Johanna and set her on the gravel. Johanna walked around the car and looked at Bobby wide eyed. The fear was obvious in her small step back towards the car. Jamison opened the door, almost hitting his sister. Johanna jumped back and whispered something to Jamison. Jamison looked at Bobby and she could see the same fear in his face for a moment, then he looked down at the gravel. This can’t end well; she thought staring at the children who already feared her. Arlene forced the children to move up towards the doublewide porch. Johanna resisted for a moment until Arlene swatted her head. “Behave Johanna, don’t make me tell you again.”

“Yes Ma,” she said diverting her eyes for a moment, only to recommence her staring contest with the left side of Bobby’s face.

“What’s the matter with her face?” Johanna asked her brother.

Jamison pulled his sister’s hair. “Be nice Anna,”

“I was just asking a question.”

“Well, it is not a polite question, she is our aunt, and we have to treat her with some respect or else Ma will whip the both of us. Do you want that?”

“No, but I am still scared,”

“Don’t be, I am here to protect you,”

Bobby smiled sadly as the children climbed the steps. Arlene said her goodbyes and swatted Johanna’s head once more at something she whispered to her. Then she set off, leaving them alone on the porch.

The children stood in the doorway of the doublewide, the door was wide open, they peered into the depths of countless years’ worth of depression piled in every corner. Bobby and Marcus had grown accustomed to living in the disaster that was the constant mess of their lives. Piles of boxes, magazines, trash, and precious memories that Bobby could not bear getting rid of, resided in every corner of the living room and kitchen. She had thought she had tidied up the doublewide until she saw the awe in their eyes as they looked at the chaos that lay before them. “Oh my, it is a bit of a mess in here, I was trying to clean up--”

“Do you need help cleaning Auntie?” Jamison asked. He still could not bring himself to look at her, but she felt the kindness coming from the question. Johanna pulled at his gingham short sleeve button up shirt. But he ignored her plea.

“I’ll owe you both big time, maybe after we could head into town and get some ice cream or whatever y’all want.”

Johanna agreed to the terms almost instantly at the mere notion of ice cream and they both set out to clean the mess.

It took them only a couple hours to make the living room and kitchen into a livable state. When it was done, as Bobby had promised they headed into town to get them their well-deserved treats.

Johanna complained to her brother the whole way to town up the dirt trail. Bobby did not mind; she enjoyed having the children on the dirt trail with her. My how lonely this path has been, she thought passing a row of black gum trees. It made the trek to town less of a daunting task with them in tow.

When they reached Mae’s creamery, Bobby was nervous to walk up to the window. She had already saw the disapproving glance of Mae’s daughter who was working the window. Though she hesitated. Johanna walked up to the window with a confidence only a young child possesses. Johanna ordered a triple scoop fudge brownie waffle cone. She looked back at Jamison and Bobby confused at their stagnant nature. Bobby motioned to Jamison. “Get up there before Johanna orders the whole store. I will be right behind you.”

“Yes Auntie,” he replied, moving towards Johanna. With both Children now at the window, Bobby moved forward less afraid.

Jamison looked at the ice cream choices through the glass window and choose an orange sherbet. Bobby followed suit in ordering a raspberry sherbet. Bobby picked up a frozen pizza from the market before they headed back to the doublewide.

Johanna and Jamison walked in front of Bobby who followed slowly behind with her walker. Johanna and Jamison held hands while they talked about nonsensical things. Bobby smiled looking at them holding their ice creams. I have forgotten what it was like to be a kid, so full of life and promise. Oh, what I would give to go back to that time.

Back at the doublewide, the children were still warming up to their surroundings. Bobby put the pizza in the oven while she let Johanna and Jamison find a movie to watch from the collection that Marcus kept in the living room. The kids sat in the living room glued to the screen while Bobby stayed in the kitchen still unsure about how to get the kids to fully warm up to her.

When the pizza was done, Bobby called them into the kitchen to pick up their plates. Jamison saw Bobby struggling with cutting the pizza. So, he offered to help. Bobby steadied the pan with her right hand while he cut the pizza. All the while Jamison was telling her about how he had to learn how to cut the pizza at his house while Johanna and him were left alone most days.

After they finished eating, Bobby played hide and seek with them, which ended with the three of them dancing in the living room to Madonna’s: ‘Like a Prayer.’ After they tired themselves out, they went to sleep in the spare bedroom.

As she settled down for the night, Bobby felt fulfilled, something that she had not felt in a while. To have the children in the house made her heart content. It was an immeasurable bliss the children laughing and screaming down the halls as they ran around playing in the doublewide reminded her of the thing she would never have. The childhood she had lost. When these weeks were over, they would be gone. This was not permanent. As much as she wanted this to be her life, she knew that God had other plans for her. My time is almost up, Bobby thought to herself. I would never have been a good mother, it is best I keep these children at a distance, else I pull them down with me. An emptiness that would never be filled always made her ache. This is only temporary, a beautiful dream that I never want to wake up from. But I know that this will end all the same.

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About the Creator

CJ Flores

Hello, my name is CJ D and I am writer. I love to garden, travel, and explore the world

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