The unfiltered thoughts of the unwanted

Where do I start. Well I guess I already have now.. and I suppose you can’t get much more original than “where do I start”.

I am Oriya, pronounced O-ry-ya. I’ve travelled great distances to reach.. essentially nowhere, or at least, for the most part of my journey it seemed like I was heading everywhere yet nowhere. I started my journey from a small village in Ireland where I grew up, and saying “grew-up” is a stretch as when you hear "grew-up" you likely picture a sweet family, consisting of a mom, a dad and possibly siblings. But no, just myself... plainly, myself. I did not have a home in this village and people only knew me as the rat-kid scavenger who stole bread, they never said “stole bread to live” though did they, no, they always acted as if I was trying to bankrupt the local baker or something. As if I, a child, woke up with full intentions to take down the patriarchy one loaf at a time.

My father died before I was born and my mother died when giving birth to me. I was not completely out of her body when she had left her body, spiritually of course, for the other realm. I don’t blame her or share any ungrateful emotions towards her though unlike the other members of the village. They would speak ill of my mother, they’d say that she wasn’t a true mother at all to leave a child behind, they’d say this whilst literally watching me, a very small child, crying under the bridge next to our village. They would brag to one another about how delightful their children are and how they are great mothers. I may not have been their child, but I know that you do not need to be blood to show compassion for one another. When you see a child in such pain and full of fear, do you not help? I for one think that a ‘good’ mother or father would have the compassion to help other children that have no one, regardless of them being ‘family’, especially because they would have witnessed their own children needing the same care and affection throughout their lives. I learnt quickly just how cold people could be to others less fortunate.

I only managed to survive my infant period as my grandmother pushed past her grief to get me to a place in life where I could fend for myself. When I was around 4 years old, it wasn’t easy but even as a small child I knew when it was time to let my grandmother join my mom. Once my grandmother was gone I became homeless, no one took me in. So I lived on the street here and there, stealing food and hiding from danger.

Well, as I stated, I am far from there now, I left there over 3 years ago with no set location or path in mind, just go and never stop moving.

I reached high peaks and looked out over the great and wide ocean. Ireland Oceans are wild and mysterious, and they feel like home. I can’t explain just how luscious and welcoming Ireland landscapes are. But no matter how welcoming they are, I just never felt as though there is a space for me, no true calling. I’m constantly at one pace, one setting, nothing is changing besides location. I enter each new community with anticipation and desire, and leave with a slightly colder heart than when I entered.

I’m turned out and shunned by each group I meet, leaving me wondering whether trying anymore is even efficient or if I should sooner accept my solo fate and rise to the challenge of living my days alone.

All these thoughts were swirling and mingling with one another as I took my every step further along my path, but the strangest of things happened when I entered a tall, old forest. I suddenly had an emergent feeling of possibility and for a moment or two this increasingly vibrant feeling froze those thoughts in place and allowed me to appreciate what I was seeing around me. Small creatures speeding past, spiders building their homes with the sun glimpsing through the strands of web, marsh marigolds glowing yellow and the sounds of nature just thriving beautifully.

I came to see a group of individuals siting by small waterfall deep in the forest. To a degree they appeared as I did, lost and in old clothes. I wasn’t going to assume they weren’t this way by choice, but to find out I needed to speak to them. Did I care enough to ask? Well.. maybe. After all, I didn’t really want to live alone, I was just preparing myself for what seemed to be the encroaching inevitable.

I walked up to the 3 of them and noticed they were eating scraps, scraps that looked like they were freshly plucked from the bin. In all honesty, the sight of those scraps made my mouth water. At that point I hadn’t eaten in 3 days, so I found myself in a position where I was staring at their food from a close proximity. Almost like I lost full control of my body. I walked up with intentions to converse and yet I remain mute with a gaze of full concentration lined up on their meal. And yet.. they handed me their last portions, as if they too spoke the language of a gurgling stomach and therefore shared immense compassion for my situation.

I felt seen.

I accepted the food from them with great appreciation and we talked for hours. I learnt my predictions were correct, that they were too on their own and finding their way. They offered for me to join them as I was alone. I leaped at the notion of travelling partners. I wasn’t sure where we were heading to next, but I’m sure my parents would be happy that I now had companions.

We covered vast distances and hiked steep mountains. I don't think we ever did discuss a settling point, truthfully, after all we had overcome, to settle down in one place seemed incredibly mundane, at least to me it did and for the most part I believe the others felt this way too. I had always dreamt of finding a forever home, but I think that the land will be more of a home to me than any idle place could.

Ireland is immense with new places to explore and people to meet, I know I've had my fair share of disappointments when it comes to meeting new people with my first virtuous experience being when I met my initial 3 travelling friends, but since then we have acquired many lost souls along the way, we've also managed to be in the right place at the right time and helped children who too had no one in the world to protect them and teach them how to live.

When it comes to learning to live I had to teach myself, and although I made it, I wasn't prepared to turn a blind eye on these children like many had done to my younger self.

Currently, there’s about 20 of us, adults, teens, and some young ones. We all take care of one another, all without a material home, but we would have it no other way. We see more stunning landscapes and experience more adventure than anyone in any of the towns we pass by.

And more so, we experience more love from one another than we have ever experienced before. It’s true what they say, that not all family is blood. Family is who is there for you, who takes care of you, who will be there no matter the obstacle.

Now, in case you thought "how are they paying for necessities", well, we don’t live without money, we just have found different, more creative ways to acquire it. Our little community sings songs and puts on plays as we go from here to there.

Crowds gather and cheer as we make music and bring magic to their day.

It’s ironic really, as whilst we perform the town folk will cheer and beg for more, but when it’s all done and we're back to our usual selves you can feel a shift in the way the town folk see us. We notice this as we simply move from place to place, walking through their town, the town folk will scoff at us as if we are the scum of the earth, but truly, their remarks will never discourage me from fulfilling my calling, which I am so grateful to have found.

There really is a place in the world for everyone, you just need to find it.