The Stones of Serin - Chapter 4

Clare starts the coffee maker and then turns around and tries to run her hands through her matted hair. Tommy slips around her to pull out the blender and then digs in the produce bin in the refrigerator.

“Hey Ma, what’s dad’s recipe?” Tommy asks, his voice hoarse and crackling.

Clare notices that he looks pale.

“Did you go out for a few drinks too many while I was sleeping?”

Tommy stands up straight and looks at Clare. “Really?”

“You are 21 now,” Clare chides. “But no, it was just a bad attempt at making light of how terrible you look. I’m sure I’m not doing any better.”

Tommy looks at Clare again jumps back, startled.

“What?”

“Nothing, I was just trying to play off your jesting,” he laughs. “I never have been good at silliness. But, Ma, you’ve got nothing to worry about. Dad always says…uh…said…that you’re always beautiful. I’m sure he saw you first thing in the morning on rough days. You’re going to be okay,” he solemnly adds.

Clare grasps her son’s hand, “Thank you, Tommy.”

“And, Ma, you know how much he loves…uh…loved—man it’s hard to comprehend that he’s gone. Anyways, his love for you…”

Clare squeezes his hands and nods. “I know, Tommy.”

He shakes his head, “No, I don’t know why, but I need to actually say this. You weren’t just the most beautiful woman, he ever saw, you the most beautiful his heart ever knew. He made sure to say so often. When we had ‘the talk,’ he went on and on about how you are so beautiful outside and even more so inside. He encouraged me to wait for someone like you. I wish I had listened to him. Anyway, he told me how he knew shortly after he met you that you would be his wife and how he waited…and waited. The look in his eyes when he told me all of that—clearly, you were worth the wait,” Tommy explains. “You know, I remember you briefly stepping into the garage as he was finishing up his talk. Dad got this big ear-to-ear grin. What’s that saying—he looked like the cat that swallowed the canary. He said something dorky like, ‘That’s my wife,’ like it didn’t already know that. But that’s how Dad was when it came to you.”

Clare chuckles as she wipes the tears that are streaming down her face.

“On that recipe—you’re going to want the one with coconut water, kale, oats…”

“Oh yeah, I remember now.” Tommy gathers the necessary ingredients and blends up his smoothie. “Ma, I’m kind of wondering something.”

“What’s that?”

“Do you remember that day that we were joking about all the kids living at grandma’s?”

Clare chuckles and replies with a smile, “Yes, I do. Why?”

“I was thinking about Dad yesterday, and it came to mind. I’m wondering what’s important about that day. Of all things, why did I remember that? I mean, it’s a sweet memory, but it just seems like there’s more to it.”

“You’re right there is more. Sometimes I forget how intuitive you are. It’s when Dad…” Clare whispers.

“Good whatever time of day it is,” Katie mumbles as she shuffles into the room, cutting off Clare’s reply to Tommy.

“It’s morning—just after seven,” says Clare. “Good morning.”

Katie looks at Clare. Her eyes widen slightly when she notices that Clare’s eyes look heavy, but not swollen, and her skin is bright and dewy.

“Clare, how…” she shakes her head and sits at the table.

Tommy makes one of the special-recipe smoothies for Katie, and Clare stands by the coffeemaker reflecting on the day that Tommy mentioned. Tears begin streaming down her cheeks.

“Are you okay, Ma? You’ve been just staring into that empty cup for a while,” Tommy says.

“Oh. Yes, I was just remembering. I’m as okay as I can be—all things considered,” Clare replies as she tries to wipe her tears.

She fills her coffee cup and continues to stand at the counter remembering that day.

Clare sips her coffee. Then she pats Tommy on the shoulder prompting him to follow her as she walks into the living room.

“So, what you were saying about that day—I kind of thought Dad was always…” Tommy whispered.

Clare cut him off. “No. He had to choose it for himself, just like you did.”

“But you didn’t really get a choice.”

“My circumstances are different.”

“How so?”

She raises her hand and nods toward the kitchen, reminding him that Katie is still within earshot.

“I’ll be fine, Tommy. You need to take care of yourself, too. Go ahead get a workout,” Clare says as she hears Katie approaching.

“Is everything okay in here?” Katie asks.

“Just fine,” Tommy replies. “I just wanted to make sure Mom would be okay if I stepped out for a little while.”

“Of course she will. We’re talking about Clare,” says Katie. “Besides, I’m here.”

“About that,” Clare interjects. “I appreciate you rushing over here yesterday and staying overnight. I don’t know how I would handle this without you—both of you—and Henry, too. But, I’m going to tell you the same thing I told Tommy. You need to take care of yourself, too,” Clare says, grabbing Katie’s hands. “You don’t have to stay.”

Katie replies, “Yes I do.”

“You two fuss over me way too much. This is something I have to get through. I know in my head that I just lost my Jack. But it doesn’t feel real. I still have to comprehend it and figure out how I’m going to get on without him,” Clare explains. “But I like to think that I’m a compassionate person. I understand you’re grieving, too. Jack was your friend,” she continues. “And your father,” she adds, looking at Tommy. “I need you take care of yourselves. I’ll manage—and if I have a problem, you’re not far.”

“That’s just it. You always manage. You’re a survivor. But your world was just shattered. If there is ever a time to rely on someone else, now is it,” Katie replies.

“I know how and when to rely on others. I relied on Jack all these years. But right now, at this moment…” Clare pauses as tears start to well up. “Please, take care of yourself now so you can be there when I really need you.”

Tommy nods. “Okay. You know where to find me,” he says. “I suggest you oblige her, too,” he adds, looking at Katie.

“Something deep down is telling me I need to stay, but I can give you some space if that’s what you want,” Katie says to Clare. “You’re sure you’ll be okay?”

“Honestly, no. But I don’t see a lot of difference between you sitting here trying to figure out what to do with yourself or doing something to de-stress. If you are going to stay, then why don’t you take a long bubble bath or something.”

“Oh, it’s been forever since I’ve been able to soak in a bath. Lately, I’m almost always showering at the hospital.”

As Katie eases into the foamy bubble bath, Clare quietly slips out the kitchen door and crosses the driveway to the barn.

Tommy notices Clare’s shadow on the ceiling, so he racks his barbell and sits up.

“What do you need, Ma?”

“We’ve got about half an hour to talk privately, without risk of interruption,” says Clare.

“Okay…but I don’t really have anything to tell you.”

“I know. This is about what I have to tell you.”

Author’s note: This is the fourth chapter of an in-progress novel. Stay tuned for future chapters.

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